


page 305 of 304

by izayas



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Coffee Shops, M/M, Modern AU, Single Parents, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-26 13:41:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 45,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13236915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/izayas/pseuds/izayas
Summary: “…she called you ‘papa’,” iwaizumi managed.oikawa just stared for a moment longer before relaxing in a smile. “yeah. cute, right? but you can call me ‘daddy’ if you want.”





	1. soy vanilla latte

_"Theta squared."_

_"Oikawa-kun?"_

_Jolting, Oikawa's chin lifted from his palm, allowing him to look around to see a few students glancing at him. But ultimately, it was the professor's disapproving glare that Oikawa decided to focus on. He cleared his throat and fidgeted. His pencil twirled expertly on his index finger and he cleared his throat again, furrowed his brow as he studied the complex proof on the chalkboard behind the professor. "Ah…"_

_"Theta squared," he heard again as a forced whisper._

_"…Theta squared," he answered. The silence that ensued was absolutely deafening; Oikawa calmly challenged the professor's gaze. This tended to happen often to him. Maybe it was because he didn't show up to class often and, when he did, he was asleep, he thought. Maybe it was that. It was probably definitely that._

_The thing he'd learned to do when this happened was to be confident, even if he was wrong. Showing any hesitation was weakness; if he was going to be wrong, at least he could pretend he truly tried and no professor or teaching assistant could fault him for that. They could, however, fault him for falling asleep in class, and Oikawa wasn't going to give them that satisfaction._

_The professor was the one to break the staring contest first; a disheartened 'that's right' was Oikawa's signal to breathe again, shoulders slumping when the professor turned around to return to finish the differentiation. Purposefully-accidentally knocking his pencil off his desk, Oikawa glanced over his shoulder as he leaned over to pick it up, only to see the girl behind him with her head bowed, bangs covering her face. Oikawa proceeded to space out for the rest of the class; being called on once was unfortunate and expected, but being called on twice would mean the professor was targeting him, and most professors tended to avoid making things like that obvious._

_When class ended, the first thing Oikawa did was turn around in his seat to face the source of the whisper. Six weeks into this discussion and Oikawa hadn't exactly made a consistent friend, due to his constant skipping, but he was glad to know there were still students who unflinchingly stood in solidarity with others._

_She was packing her things up, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear when he turned. Oikawa's eyes fell to the carefully color coded notes and he tilted his head, raising an eyebrow._

_"Thanks for that," he said, giving a charming smile when she looked up. "You really saved me back there."_

_"It's nothing," the girl answered, returning his smile. "Glad you've got good hearing."_

_Oikawa laughed. "How about I thank you properly over coffee? I'm Oikawa Tooru," he continued, holding out his hand with the same grin._

_She hummed. "Well, no student would say no to free coffee," she replied and took his hand, her skin soft even compared to Oikawa's and firmly shook. "Sato."_

_As she smiled, Oikawa couldn't help but notice her dimples, her dark hair, how her smile could so easily help him relax._

_"Sato Chiyoko."_

* * *

"Five hundred yen."

"There should be some sort of discount for being your best customer, yeah?"

Iwaizumi deadpanned.

"No, but there are support groups for caffeine addiction."

Self-proclaimed-best-customer, Oikawa Tooru, shot Iwaizumi a cheeky grin. One hand ran through his perfectly tousled hair as the other reached into his coat pocket. It was wonderfully empty for a Tuesday morning. The morning rush was over and as the clock ticked closer to lunchtime, Iwaizumi was mentally preparing for a hoard of office workers demanding their second dose of caffeine. But for 11:17, the small coffee shop was quiet, and as soon as he heard the bells on the door chime when it closed, he'd casually dashed to the counter. It was only after getting there that he realized the only other barista on duty was on her break and he should've taken his time to keep Oikawa waiting.

As someone who tried to keep things in life as simple as possible, Oikawa presented a problem. Iwaizumi hated beating around the bush and overcomplicating things. He'd always tried his best to be honest and upfront with someone about how he felt, and while Iwaizumi always wanted to milk every single minute with Oikawa, he also wanted to shove his head into a pile of coffee beans.

Oikawa Tooru had started out as the nightmare customer. He'd waltz in with orders from hell, asking for three pumps of toffee syrup today, five vanilla the next, four toffee and two vanilla the next, then suddenly switch it up to plain black coffee. That in itself hadn't been bad, but this was when Oikawa should show up during busy hours and with the line backed up and out the door, the last thing he wanted was to make a drink that made him gag just thinking about drinking. Iwaizumi had thought it was just his luck to always end up being the one to deal with him when one of his coworkers finally let it slip they kept setting it up.

_"It's kind of like hazing, you know. Except it's not deadly."_

_"…"_

_"Well, I guess emotionally it is. Sorry. We all went through it. But on the bright side, we all agree that Oikawa-san seems to like you."_

_"…That's not a bright side."_

But over the course of a few months of Oikawa continuing to complicate his orders and Iwaizumi never once failing, they'd developed a strange sort of friendship. Oikawa still pissed him off like nobody else ever had, but Iwaizumi was beginning to look forward to him coming in. Because aside from Oikawa being the only customer Iwaizumi could openly insult, Oikawa would also bring up the results of last night's volleyball game or updates on a player they both particularly admired. And as the months wore on, Oikawa's orders began to stabilize before he finally settled on ordering a soy vanilla latte everyday.

_"Did you actually drink those sugar disasters?" Iwaizumi asked, pulling a lever to steam the milk._

_Oikawa laughed airily. "Of course not. Threw it out in the trash around the corner and stopped by Starbucks on the way to work instead."_

Iwaizumi was  _that_  close to throwing scalding soy milk at Oikawa that day.

Iwaizumi didn't want to stereotype, but Oikawa hadn't seemed like the type of person to follow sports. He walked in every day with a newspaper tucked under his arm, a grey wool trench coat keeping him warm, and a burgundy scarf loose around his neck. Then on a few occasions, like today, he'd be wearing black rimmed glasses perched on the bridge of his nose that, Iwaizumi hated to admit, somehow suited him perfectly. He didn't wear hats often and Oikawa had said it was because even perfect hair like his weren't able to withstand confinements and static electricity.

He then pointedly stared at Iwaizumi's hair and Iwaizumi decided to wear hats as often as he could.

Taking the proffered bill, Iwaizumi finished the transaction, hitting a few keys on the cash register. "You watch last night's game?" he asked, not even glancing up.

"Of course," Oikawa answered, following him as Iwaizumi headed over to start making the drink. "It was surprisingly good, yeah? I didn't think a wild card team like that would hold their own so well against the defending champs. The last set was nerve wracking."

"Yeah, I almost thought they were going to lose. Takahashi's ankle is definitely getting worse, but they'd be screwed without him. He should rest, but, well, he's a professional athlete. Of course he's not going to unless his foot falls off."

"You're telling me you never played through an injury?" Oikawa teased, adjusting his glasses.

"We're not all grade-A morons like you, Asskawa," Iwaizumi smirked over the machine and Oikawa huffed indignantly. "How's your knee doing anyway?"

Oikawa shrugged nonchalantly, shifting his weight to his other foot and stretching his knee. "Aah, still hurts, but I'm used to it. It can tell when it's about to rain."

"Are you sixty?"

"Excuse you, Iwa-chan, I'm twenty five and could pass for nineteen. You, on the other hand… have you considered eye cream?"

"Piss off."

Oikawa smiled. "Not until I get the drink I just paid for."

Working in a job providing the sustenance that made people bearable, Iwaizumi ended up having to bite back many of his reflexive responses to extra demanding customers. Bantering with Oikawa often helped to relieve some of that pent up rage. He'd grit his teeth and only utter apologies to most customers, but when it was Oikawa, there was a general sense of understanding among the staff that this was Oikawa and there was an overwhelming chance that he deserved whatever was said to him.

But with Oikawa, Iwaizumi was never particularly angry. Irritated, definitely. Exasperated, extremely. But angry, never. Oikawa had many negative traits, but being hurtful or rude wasn't one of them. His flashy demeanor was more amusing than anything, but it just so happened that he was very, very good at pushing Iwaizumi's buttons.

Pouring the finished latte into a paper cup and slipping a protective sleeve on, Iwaizumi slid it across the counter and tried to not linger when their fingers brushed. "Have a good day doing… whatever it is you do for a living," Iwaizumi finished, abruptly realizing that despite months of conversing over coffee, he'd never asked what he did.

"You don't know?" Oikawa mocked hurt, bringing a hand over his chest. He gasped and dropped his head, shoulders slumping. "I'm hurt… I know what Iwa-chan does!"

Iwaizumi stared at him quietly for a long time.

"I'm  _really_  going to punch you one day."

Oikawa laughed again (Iwaizumi felt his lungs refuse to move for just one moment at the sound) and held up his free hand to wave, taking a step back. "Bye-bye, Iwa-chan! I'll see you tomorrow! Maybe I'll even tell you what I do if you're extra good!"

Iwaizumi was nodding out of reflex, but his mind was focused on the pain from his nails digging into his palms. When Oikawa had walked in, his heart started racing a bit faster; he'd spent all week building up to this moment, justifying it with if he was turned down, he'd have two days to recover. He opened his mouth as Oikawa turned, taking his first sip of the latte, and Iwaizumi licked his lips. "Act-actually," he managed, swearing in his head and clearing his throat.

Oikawa stopped and looked over his shoulder, eyes wide and coffee still in mid-air. "Oh?"

"…I was just, uh, wondering," Iwaizumi continued hurriedly, eyes dropping when their gazes met because as much as Satan's spawn Oikawa happened to be, he could look horrendously cute and innocent, "if maybe… you wanted to get coffee sometime. Not here, I mean," he clarified, clearing his throat. "And not from me. With me."

"Oh."

Iwaizumi had asked out his fair share of people, and the majority of them had said yes. But he'd had enough rejections to know the signs and he was bracing himself because the way Oikawa's eyes widened and the sudden brief flash of awkwardness across his annoyingly perfect features was evident. Iwaizumi shook his head even before Oikawa started speaking, allowing him only to inhale. "It's fine, I just wanted to ask—"

"No, it's not that. Really, I'm flattered that the cutest barista here would ask me out," Oikawa smiled and Iwaizumi's heart skipped a beat because he  _hated_  how much he didn't hate that smile. He turned to face him and Iwaizumi watched him brush a few strands of his hair before his ear before adjusting his glasses, the lingering smile seeming a bit distant. "It's, um… there's actually someone in my life."

Iwaizumi's chest felt like it was caved in, but that was okay. He shook his head again. "Like I said, it's fine. Hope things are going well with them."

Oikawa nodded and lifted his latte to bid his farewell. His smile seemed more present, genuine enough to reach his eyes but also gentle enough to soften his entire expression.

"Yeah. She's the light of my life."

* * *

"Maybe he's an asshole."

"He definitely is," Iwaizumi mumbled, but sighing shortly afterwards and letting his head fall back. "But he's not a bad guy."

"He didn't think to mention he had a girlfriend, huh?"

"It's not like we talk about that kind of stuff," Iwaizumi ran a free hand through his hair, other holding the phone to his ear. He shifted to hold the phone with his shoulder and brought an unlit cigarette to his lips, biting down as he left the carton on the balcony railing. He cupped the flame from his lighter with his hand, half lidded eyes watching the end of the cigarette flare orange, inhaling and watching the smoke from the following exhale disappear into the air. "We talk about sports. And it's not like he was flirting, I just wanted to get to know him more."

"Guess that makes sense," Hanamaki hummed thoughtfully. "Girlfriends don't usually come up when discussing volleyball games and techniques."

Iwaizumi sighed again, taking another drag as he watched the city slowly start waking up. "Anyway, I tried. If he thinks it's awkward now, he can get his coffee from a new place."

He heard a laugh and Iwaizumi couldn't help but smile tiredly, closing his eyes and rubbing his face. "That's the spirit," Hanamaki's voice was a bit muffled by Iwaizumi's rustling as he took the phone in his hand again. "Well, what can you do? Took a shot and asked him out. At least you didn't spend the rest of your life pining over some asshole with a caffeine addiction. Anyway, I should probably go to sleep."

Iwaizumi had been nodding out of reflex, but he frowned and furrowed his brow. "You never slept?"

"Iwaizumi, you're the only asshole who wakes up naturally this early. It's five."

"Yeah. You haven't slept?" he echoed.

"Shut up," Hanamaki grumbled and Iwaizumi smirked, taking the cigarette between two fingers, watching smoke curl from the end. "Anyway, before I forget, you wanna get lunch later today? Matsukawa said there was a new shabu shabu place he wanted to try."

"Yeah, just text me when."

Hanging up, Iwaizumi took one last look at the sun peeking over the horizon before turning and going back into his apartment, living room feeling pleasantly warm in comparison to the early morning. He slid the glass door closed and sighed, running his fingers through his hair. Teeth biting down on the filter, he returned to the kitchen to start sorting through the mail pile he'd been neglecting for a few days, haphazardly glancing at a growing crack in the ceiling, which may or may not pose a problem in the future. Iwaizumi collected his mail almost every day to avoid leaving the mailman feebly trying to shove more catalogues into the tiny space, but actually leafing through everything commanded more attention and energy than Iwaizumi had to spare after a day of work.

Hearing thuds and the squeak of wheels outside his door, Iwaizumi glanced over nonchalantly. He took one final puff before putting out his cigarette in the ashtray on his counter and going back to sorting through coupons.

Iwaizumi's apartment, like the rest of his life, was mediocre, so it wasn't new for him to see neighbors moving in and out. People moved in because the location and rent weren't bad, but then they moved out when they could afford somewhere nicer. The good location meant there was a bit of noise, and there was always hot water, but some of the apartments did look a bit more aged than others. There were cracks and water lines, stains and chips on counters. If Iwaizumi cared more, he could make his place look nicer and maybe steam clean that carpet, but firstly, he didn't care enough and secondly, he didn't really care at all.

Hearing a bark, Iwaizumi looked down to see his dog rubbing up against his leg. Smiling, he reached down to pet him, watching his tail thump the ground enthusiastically as he scratched him behind his ears, rising sun illuminating his golden fur. Hanamaki had called him a toasted marshmallow and Iwaizumi wouldn't admit that he was bitter he hadn't thought of that as a name. The dog sat on one of Iwaizumi's feet and looked up, tongue out and panting as his tail kept thumping. "Good morning to you too, Taro."

Another bark. Iwaizumi smirked again and straightened, this time grabbing the leash and deciding to continue to sort through the rest of his mail later. Coupons, which had always been the most interesting part, were now done, and Iwaizumi hadn't seen any envelopes with red stamps of urgency, so he assumed he was in good standing in terms of bills and rent. He looked down, shaking the leash. "Walk?"

The most enthusiastic bark yet. Chuckling under his breath, Iwaizumi crouched down to attach the leash to Taro's collar, murmuring 'hey' with zero venom when he felt a lick against his cheek. While he'd always liked dogs, he'd never owned one. At first it was his parents telling him no, and when he was on his own in college, he was either in the student dormitories, which didn't allow pets, or moving from apartment to apartment. But as an adult who was able to choose where to live and how long to stay, the soft spot in his heart for dogs won out one day when he was walking home and saw an abandoned puppy in a box, cowering under a small bush to keep dry from the rain. Iwaizumi had immediately turned on his heel and gone back to a convenience store to buy some food, bringing him home after feeding him.

Once they were home, Iwaizumi had given the puppy a bath. He'd never given anything a bath before and didn't know what to expect, but after getting drenched from the puppy splashing around so much, he'd taken a shower himself and opened the shower curtain to see the puppy on the bathroom floor, staring up at him with a cheerful bark.

Iwaizumi became acutely aware he was naked and ended up drying off and getting dressed behind the curtain.

Never one too good with names, Iwaizumi had looked up a list of dog names afterwards, puppy curled up happily in his lap. He'd looked down and asked if he'd like the name Takeo. The puppy looked up barked, but when Iwaizumi watched him paw at and try to eat the taro bun on the table, he opted for Taro instead.

Iwaizumi didn't know much about breeds, but he did know what an Akita was, when the veterinarian told him, and was prepared for him to grow to a good size.

Heading back into his room to change into a t-shirt and shorts, Iwaizumi emerged holding a pair of socks. He took a seat on the floor to pull them on, putting on his gym shoes afterwards. Taro padded over, holding the leash in his mouth and setting it next to Iwaizumi, waiting patiently with a small whine.

Iwaizumi laughed quietly again, murmured 'good boy' and patted his head. Hanamaki was right; Iwaizumi did wake up ridiculously early. He usually had a hard time falling back asleep and since there wasn't much else to do, he'd usually go running. He had been slacking the past few days, opting instead of lay in bed and stare at the ceiling, building up his courage to ask out Oikawa.

Plugging in his earphones and starting his music, Iwaizumi stood and pocketed his phone. He picked up the leash and headed towards the door, pushing down on the handle and stepping out. He looked up after making sure Taro was out of the way of the door and saw his neighbor, offering a nod as he pulled out one of his earphones. "Good morning, Takechi-san."

"Out for a run, Iwaizumi-kun?" she asked, smiling as she straightened, holding a folded newspaper. "And hello to you too, Taro-kun," she added, reaching out to pat him.

"Yeah, we'll be back soon. Have a good day."

Opting for the stairs instead of the elevator, Iwaizumi was soon outside in the brisk cold, wondering if he should've worn a light sweater. Taking a moment to fix his earphones, he took a deep breath and started his run, Taro jogging happily beside him.

Iwaizumi didn't realize he was a masochist until one day he found that he was looking forward to Oikawa coming in. They never talked long, especially when it was busy, but they'd chat while Iwaizumi was making his drink and Oikawa would loiter from time to time until another customer came in. There was something intoxicatingly charming around him and the infuriating thing was that Oikawa  _definitely_  knew about it. He could see it in the way Oikawa carried himself and the way he'd tease and flirt.

And yet given all that and the little anecdotes Oikawa would tell about past partners or dates, Iwaizumi wondered why he never showed up with someone. His coworkers would talk about it too, how it was strange that single, charming, good looking Oikawa Tooru never seemed to be on a date or mention someone he was seeing. Maybe he was private, Iwaizumi had thought. He realized he knew a lot about Oikawa's opinions on sports and coffee, but he didn't know much about Oikawa as a person.

All he knew was that Oikawa was someone deathly annoying who, for some reason, Iwaizumi couldn't stop thinking about.

Halting at a red light, Iwaizumi kept jogging in place, glancing down to make sure Taro was all right. He just looked up inquiringly, seemed as happy as always, and Iwaizumi smirked a bit breathlessly. "Wish I were like you sometimes, you know," he breathed, looking back up.

Iwaizumi led a relatively average existence, only ever really excelling at volleyball. But what had been a passion in middle and high school ended up as a hobby in college. He'd graduated with a degree in economics and business, but when all of the job listings related to those areas put him to sleep just reading the descriptions, he decided to take a risk. What he really wanted was to open his own coffee shop, but that was hard to do with no money, so he'd gotten a job at a barista soon after graduating and decided to see where it went. He'd started drinking coffee halfway through high school, but it was when he started college that he began really becoming interested in making his own coffee. He had started doing so to save money, but soon found the process relaxing and, eventually, realized his coffee tasted better than the ones he'd buy.

The light turned green and Iwaizumi took a deep breath before resuming his run. He jogged past the coffee shop and laughed under his breath when he saw one of the newer baristas appearing to panic over the cappuccino maker. He'd been working there for a bit over a year now and could still remember the first time the machine had broken down on him, how he was convinced it was his fault and he was about to get fired. Luckily for him, a kind senior informed him it broke down every now and then and showed him how to fix it.

Unfortunately for the new barista, it looked like they were the only one there.

Heart pounding furiously as he rounded a corner for the final stretch back home, Iwaizumi picked up the pace. He started thinking about breakfast; he had already passed his favorite place and wondered if any of his eggs were still good. If not, he supposed he could have ramen. If he didn't add the entire packet of spicy seasoning, he figured it would be more breakfast appropriate.

The last block was the hardest; Iwaizumi had been more or less sprinting and his legs felt like they were out of his control as he started slowing. His chest rose and fell with heavy panting, one hand on his knee and the other grasping onto the railing as he collapsed onto the steps. Taro barked and laid down in front of him; Iwaizumi scratched behind his ears again before groaning, leaning back on his palms and letting his head fall back to open his airway.

He'd missed the burning sensation in his lungs. He was exhausted, but running had always made him feel good, especially afterwards, when he felt accomplished. Nothing gave him as much energy or woke him up as effectively as this; best of all, the uncomfortable knot in his chest that came from remembering Oikawa had nothing on his racing heart and he could finally,  _finally_  feel free of that moment, even if temporarily.

Summoning just enough willpower to stand and at least make it back to his apartment so he could die in peace, Iwaizumi's shaking legs considered the five steps to the entrance the most tasking endeavor he'd undertaken in his life, especially since two of them were stairs. There was a moving truck in front of the building still, but he didn't think much of it; he'd only been gone an hour, and he felt like he'd taken half a day when he moved in.

Ushering Taro into the lobby first, Iwaizumi hit the button to call the elevator. Fumbling around for his keys as he waited for the elevator, he pushed sweat-laden bangs out of his face, stepping into the small space when the doors opened. He glanced down to see Taro staring back up and chuckled again, managing to find enough energy to lean down to pet him. "Why're you always just looking up at me? What's with you?"

Another bark, followed by a whine. Iwaizumi imagined Oikawa would say something like 'are you enjoying the view?' even to a dog, which just made him want to punch him the next time he saw him.

Iwaizumi had more or less caught his breath, but his heart was still racing when the elevator reached his floor. As he shuffled towards his apartment, he couldn't help but glance at the pile of things by the open door right next to his. He frowned as he continued to walk, pace slowing a bit. New neighbors? He wasn't even aware that his old ones had moved out, but, then again, Iwaizumi barely even knew he had neighbors.

The neighborly thing would be to welcome them, but Iwaizumi had never been that sort of friendly person. Hanamaki described him as friendly enough  _when_  approached, but difficult  _to_  approach.

Upon reaching his door, Iwaizumi inserted his key into the lock. He turned it and pressed down on the handle when it clicked, pushing the door open. But he'd only gotten one foot in when he heard a shriek that was far too early for this early in the morning; why were children even awake this morning? Did their parents  _want_  to die?

When he felt Taro's leash jerk against his wrist, Iwaizumi looked down, startled to see a child attached to his dog. Iwaizumi wasn't good with children; in truth, he was a little intimidated by them because even if he was more than twice their size, he had no idea what they were thinking or how to communicate with them. He didn't even know how old this one was; all he knew was that she had latched her little arms around Taro's neck and the only thing keeping him from full on panicking was that, unlike him, Taro seemed to be very good with children. He stayed still, tail wagging, as he let her hug him and pat his fur. When she pulled back to pat his head, Iwaizumi couldn't help but stare at her brown hair and her smile, so radiant, so effervescent, so dazzling, that it was sickly reminding of someone else's.

He was sure it was a coincidence. Children all had innocent smiles.

"Puppy!"

She beamed. "Puppy, puppy!"

Iwaizumi looked around, unsure of how to remove the child from his dog.

"Chiyo-chan! Chiyo-chan, don't hug a stranger's dogs, okay? We talked about this, you have to  _ask_  first, like you have to  _ask_  before you start randomly grabbing staplers from people's desks!"

When Oikawa Tooru first stepped into the coffee shop, Iwaizumi Hajime's first thought was 'what the fuck is with this guy?' because he'd staggered in like some kind of zombie with great hair. (Iwaizumi later found out he had just finished a huge project, explaining the haggard expression.)

Because Iwaizumi spent half his day at work and half his day at home, home was the official Oikawa-free zone. Home was where Iwaizumi could relax;  _home_  was where he could recover and prepare to deal with Oikawa again.

But when Iwaizumi looked up, he watched Oikawa Tooru emerge from the apartment next to his.

Oikawa Tooru, from the adjacent apartment, appearing before his eyes when it wasn't even six thirty.

A multitude of questions raced through Iwaizumi's mind. Why? How? Why is there a child? Is that his niece? Didn't he say he had a nephew? Why is she awake? Why is she cheerful? Why is he here? Why did god hate Iwaizumi?

But what came out was:

"What the fu-"

"Child," Oikawa piped immediately in such a monotonous tone that Iwaizumi can only assume it was reflex. Chiyo didn't seem to notice anything out of the ordinary happening; she kept giggling happily, squealing whenever Taro nudged her with his nose.

Oikawa and Iwaizumi stared at each other for a moment longer before Oikawa jolted, eyes widening. The sudden movement startled Iwaizumi too and he watched Oikawa bend over to scoop her up in his arms. Chiyo whined but was ultimately well behaved about it, wrapping one arm around Oikawa's neck and using the other hand to wave at Taro.

Oikawa and Iwaizumi's interactions belonged strictly in the safety of the coffee shop, where the dynamics of Oikawa, the annoying but loyal patron, and Iwaizumi, the impatient but dedicated barista, were established.

Iwaizumi wondered if he was still dreaming.

He didn't know how long they were frozen, but Oikawa was the first to recover; the little girl put a hand on his cheek and he looked over with a smile that Iwaizumi had never seen before. "Yeah, baby?"

"Puppy," she repeated, bouncing a little in his arms, pointing at Taro with big eyes. "Puppy name?"

Oikawa looked at Iwaizumi expectantly.

Iwaizumi cleared his throat. "T-Taro," he stammered, kicking himself. Oikawa's following smile was so miniscule Iwaizumi wasn't sure if it actually happened and their gazes lingered for a moment.

"Taro-kun," Oikawa repeated, turning back to the kid and smiling gently. "He's cute, huh? Not as cute as Chiyo-chan, though!" he beamed, leaning in and bumping their noses together, causing Chiyo to giggle again.

Iwaizumi scoffed. "You're fu—"

"Child."

"…You're disgusting," Iwaizumi mumbled instead. His heart rate had picked back up and he sighed, leaning down and unclipping Taro's leash from his collar. He nudged at him with a foot and Taro went towards Oikawa obediently, sitting and staring up at Chiyo. "Are you stalking me?" Iwaizumi snapped, finding it hard to glare at Oikawa's face when Chiyo's face was right next to it, looking at him so innocently and happily. "And who's that? Didn't you say you had a nephew?"

Oikawa stared at him with a slight furrow of his brow that Iwaizumi wasn't sure how to interpret. He opened his mouth but was cut off by the little girl wiggling furiously in his arms. Oikawa gently set her down to let her play with Taro again and he cleared his throat when he straightened. Iwaizumi watched him palm the back of his neck; as a barista, Iwaizumi saw sides of people that usually weren't shown in public. The non-caffeinated sides of some people were truly a sight to behold; in Oikawa's case, Iwaizumi had seen him exhausted, grouchy, irritated, even genuinely angry. All of these had only been glimpses; if he was in one of these moods, Oikawa was in and out of the coffee shop quickly. Usually he saw Oikawa chipper, energetic, vibrant, charming. But the one thing he'd never seen was Oikawa being nervous, Iwaizumi realized as he watched him bite his bottom lip and his eyes dart around.

Iwaizumi frowned.

Oikawa cleared his throat again. "Ah—"

"Papa," Chiyo's voice sounded and she looked up with her hands cupping Taro's face, "puppy for us?"

Iwaizumi felt like someone had dunked his head in a tub of ice water, then let him up only so they could punch him square in the middle of his chest.

"No, baby," Oikawa answered easily, patting her head and still not looking at Iwaizumi, "Taro-kun's not for us. But you can play, okay?"

Iwaizumi swallows. "Pa…"

Everything was suddenly echoing and he suddenly felt very, very detached from his body. His breathing grew shallow and as he stared at Oikawa, all his movements seemed to be in slow motion; the only thing he was sure of was that the little girl said 'Papa' and Oikawa hadn't corrected her. Her high-pitched  _papa_  kept echoing in his mind and the image of Oikawa looking down at her so gently, so fondly was ingrained in his mind forever.

"…She…"

Oikawa looked at him patiently, expression unreadable.

"She said… you…"

Iwaizumi swallowed again.

"…She called you 'Papa'," he managed.

Oikawa just stared for a moment longer before relaxing in a smile, tilted his head as he rested his hands in his pockets. He still looked so effortless, Iwaizumi thought, even right now. He'd never mentioned having a kid; Iwaizumi could get on board with him never mentioning dating someone, but from his experience, if someone had a child, that would always come up at some point, even in passing.

Iwaizumi snapped out of his trance, having been mesmerized by Oikawa's smile, when he heard his laugh.

"Yeah. Cute, right? But you can call me 'Daddy' if you want."

Iwaizumi normally only had to resist wanting to punch Oikawa five days of the seven, but this week, he had to hold back six times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have been trying and trying and trying to do an iwaoi au with oikawa the single parent and i failed over and over and over again because a single dad au just does not fit into a one shot. so here we are with another multichapter fic, praying that this doesn't get out of control... like some other iwaoi fics... that also started... as one shots...
> 
> thank you for reading! kudos/comments appreciated ♡


	2. ristretto bianco

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "fifteen minutes."

_"You're a fast reader."_

_Feeling arms coming around his neck just as he closed his book, Oikawa craned his head back and closed his eyes expectantly. Warm hands rested gently on his chest and when he inhaled, he smelled a light flowery scent and felt strands of soft hair tickle his exposed collarbone. There was a soft laugh right before he felt Chiyoko kiss him, one of her hands moving to rest on his jaw. He smiled as she pulled back. "It took me a week to finish that," she noted._

_"It was a good book, Chiyoko-chan," Oikawa answered easily as he raised his head, turning the book over in his hands and looking at the cover. Chiyoko was leaning with her elbows on the back of the couch, arms wrapped around Oikawa's neck and her cheek pressed against his hair. "I liked that there was a beginning, middle, and end."_

_Silence._

_"Babe," she started delicately, stroking his hair, "don't go into the book reviewing business, okay?"_

_Oikawa huffed indignantly. Gently pulling away from Chiyoko with a childish whine, he curled up in a ball on the couch, face pressed to the back corner. He stayed still as he listened to her start blubbering apologies and waited until she came around the couch to roll onto his back and look up suddenly, give a grin that made it evident he wasn't hurt at all. Reaching up to pull her onto him, he laughed at her shriek and kissed her forehead. Oikawa easily shifted onto his side and tangled their legs together, sandwiching Chiyoko between the leather cushions and himself. He kissed the top of her head, holding her and feeling circles being traced on his chest. "I liked the closure of it," he clarified and could hear her hum, one of her hands resting over his heart. "Endings are hard, but that one wrapped everything up well. It felt like it was time for it to be over. Not all books are like that. They don't all get the ending right."_

_"That makes more sense," she admitted with a small laugh. Oikawa loosened his arms when he felt her moving, and soon she was eye level with him, smiling gently. "So where do you think we are? Beginning? Middle? You better not say end," she warned, brow knitting mockingly._

_"Well, Chiyoko-chan," Oikawa murmured, brushing a thumb over her lips and smiling, "I want to say we're still at the beginning, but I think you could be my end."_

_She blinked and then laughed._

_"Oikawa Tooru, are you saying I'm going to kill you? I'm flattered, but it'll take a lot more than just me to take you down."_

_"I'm saying," Oikawa continued, "that you could be the last person I'd ever be with."_

_Chiyoko's breath caught. Oikawa held her gaze evenly and searched her eyes to try and predict her reaction. She relaxed into a smile before allowing herself to exhale, moving to bury her face in his chest again and hide the beginnings of a blush Oikawa had already spotted._

_"You're the worst," she mumbled. "Saying stuff like that, catching people off guard… you're really, really terrible."_

_Oikawa laughed and kissed the top of her head._

_"And yet, you're still with me."_

* * *

"Please stop staring, Iwa-chan. I realize the view is beautiful, but—"

"How the he—"

"Child," Oikawa murmured immediately without even batting an eye as he continued to watch Chiyo.

Shooting Oikawa a glare he wasn't even paying attention to, Iwaizumi relented and looked over to see Chiyo and Taro sitting on the floor, watching television. Taro was being amazingly patient; Chiyo hadn't let go of him since Oikawa set her down but he'd been calm in allowing her to pet and hug him as she pleased. Right now he had his head in her lap, ears twitching occasionally and tail thumping steadily as Chiyo alternated between staring at the television with wide eyes and looking down to thread her short fingers through his even shorter fur.

Oikawa hadn't exactly invited Iwaizumi in, but he certainly didn't seem to mind and when Chiyo led Taro into the apartment, he felt an obligation to follow. There were only a few boxes scattered about but the television had already been set up. Iwaizumi was about to give Oikawa a hard time about his apparent priorities when he watched Chiyo plop herself down and stare, realizing that was why Oikawa set it up.

A shorter duo-toned hair boy had stopped by earlier, bringing with him a PSP and hardly greeting Oikawa, which made Iwaizumi like him all the more. He'd watched the boy take a seat next to Chiyo, smile at her before going back to his game. Oikawa had set a plate with a slice of apple pie next to him, patting his head.

_"You'll be good then, Pudding-chan?"_

_"Yeah, yeah."_

_"All right, Iwa-chan!" Oikawa announced so suddenly that Iwaizumi jolted. "Let's get to it, then!"_

_Iwaizumi had been confused._

_"…To what, exactly?"_

_Oikawa laughed cheerfully._

_"Helping me move in, of course!"_

_"…You're delusional if you think I'm spending my day off doing that."_

And yet, Iwaizumi spent the next three hours pushing and pulling carts, lifting and lowering boxes, and, unfortunately, listening to Oikawa as he pushed furniture around. The boy had left when they brought up the last few boxes without a word, but Oikawa hadn't seemed bothered.  _"Make sure Tetsu-chan's free next time, okay? Thanks for watching Chiyo-chan!"_

After wasting his morning helping Oikawa to move in and assemble furniture, Iwaizumi's shaking legs were grateful to finally sit at the kitchen table he had put together and arranged, grumbling his appreciation when Oikawa set down a glass of water in front of him. "Chiyo-chan," Oikawa called out as he took a seat next to Iwaizumi, "sit on the couch, okay? Don't be so close to the television."

Chiyo didn't answer, but Iwaizumi watched her push herself onto her feet and pat Taro's head for his attention. She climbed onto the couch and made herself comfortable before patting the space next to her, giggling joyfully when Taro leapt up gracefully, laying down and resting his head in her lap again. Iwaizumi watched for a bit before realizing that Taro's fur was blending into the couch more than he was used to seeing. "Is it okay if he's on there?"

"It's fine," Oikawa answered, taking a sip of his water. "I don't mind."

Iwaizumi's legs had stopped shaking and his heart wasn't racing anymore, but he still wasn't confident in his ability to stand. He couldn't stop staring at Chiyo; he could see the resemblance, but the fact that she was Oikawa's daughter was having a hard time registering to him. He swallowed, snuck a glance at Oikawa to see him watching the television, put on to some cartoon that made Chiyo shriek for joy.

Iwaizumi cleared his throat. "…She's…" he started in a low voice, even though he was fairly sure that Chiyo knew she was Oikawa's daughter, "…she's…"

"My daughter," Oikawa finished nonchalantly. He looked over and smiled charmingly. "You're as eloquent as ever."

Bringing a hand to his face, Iwaizumi pinched the bridge of his nose, brow knitting as he tried to figure out how to proceed as politely as possible. His heart was racing from the whirlwind of information he'd received this morning and while Oikawa being calm about it should've helped him, it really just kept pissing him off. But, he also understood that this was Oikawa's life and he didn't have to share this information with everyone, so he tried to keep the conversation civil and dignified.

"How are  _you_  a father?"

It didn't work.

Oikawa laughed, in that same airy way, not seeming insulted in the least. "What, does Iwa-chan need a biology lesson?" he teased, then looked over to the couch again. "Chiyo-chan, be careful, okay? If Taro-kun is like his owner, he might snap suddenly."

"Shut-!"

"See?"

Iwaizumi took a deep breath, chanted  _Chiyo's in the room_  over and over robotically until his blood pressure had returned to normal. It was baffling that just yesterday, he'd asked Oikawa out, wanting to get to know him better despite his, well, entire personality. And yet, what was more baffling was that he still felt that way. "…It just caught me off guard," he finally said, clearing his throat and leaning back in his chair. His eyes dropped to his glass of water, fingers loosely wrapped around it. "You never mentioned her."

"The topic never came up," Oikawa answered smoothly, eyes half lidded. Iwaizumi couldn't help but steal a glance, begrudgingly impressed at how calmly Oikawa was handling the situation.

"Didn't think to mention that maybe when you were watching a game, you had to step away for a moment because your kid decided to rip open some boxes you'd just finished packing?"

Oikawa huffed. "Chiyo-chan's incredibly smart for her age. She'd  _never_  do that."

Iwaizumi waited. He waited, seconds ticking by as the sound of the cartoon filled the room.

Oikawa finally sighed, rubbing his nose. "…It was only one and easily repacked."

Iwaizumi smirked. "Thought so."

He found himself actually wondering. Did Oikawa watch the games with Chiyo? Was Chiyo already asleep? Iwaizumi didn't know how children worked. Or would Oikawa end up missing parts of the game and just read highlights afterwards? Maybe, Iwaizumi thought, Pudding-chan watched her; was he a neighbor? Was his name actually Pudding? Oikawa Tooru was enshrouded in mystery, which was shocking because of his gigantic mouth.

"So is your girlfriend—wife?" Iwaizumi tried, looking to Oikawa for an answer. He honestly wasn't sure; finding out about Chiyo would've made anything else Oikawa hadn't mentioned much easier to readily accept. Oikawa honestly could be the son about to inherit the entire coffee shop chain that Iwaizumi worked for and he'd just shrug and go along with it.

Oikawa had the same smile, but he wasn't looking at Iwaizumi anymore. Instead, he focused his gaze his finger tracing the rim of his glass. "No girlfriend. Or wife. Chiyo's the only girl for me," Oikawa answered with a small laugh, eyes softening when he looked up and they watched Chiyo try to climb onto Taro's back, seeming to have gotten bored of the show.

Iwaizumi nodded and didn't say anything else, but he could feel Oikawa watching him as he swirled the ice cubes in his drink. Had they broken up? Where was she now? Iwaizumi couldn't help his curiosity, but the fact that Oikawa didn't offer an explanation made him feel that asking would be pushing a boundary.

Oikawa seemed to recognize his inner turmoil, because he spoke again. "She died," he said easily, but Iwaizumi picked up on his low voice. He waited for possibly more of an explanation, but when he didn't get any, he accepted it, feeling guilt gnawing.

"…Sorry for bringing it up," Iwaizumi mumbled, unsure what else to say.

Oikawa chuckled airily enough but the knot in Iwaizumi's stomach didn't lessen. "It's fine. You had no way of knowing."

The silence that ensued left Iwaizumi fidgeting, feeling like he was obligated to say something but had no idea what to talk about. He snuck another glance and saw Oikawa watching Chiyo, his eyes half lidded and wearing the same soft smile he'd never seen until today. He couldn't help but smile too and follow his gaze; Chiyo had calmed down and was now laying down with Taro, one of her short arms resting over him. "How old is she?" he asked softly.

"Almost two," Oikawa answered, tone lighter and shoulders relaxed. "Actually moved here because it's closer to her daycare and work."

"What do you do?"

"Assistant editor at a magazine. It can get busy sometimes so if I have to work late or weekends, my sister usually comes over to watch her. Or if she's busy, then Pudding-chan or Tetsu-chan."

Those can't be their actual names, Iwaizumi thought.

He hummed, nodding as he watched Chiyo snuggle closer to Taro, burying her face in his fur. "Her name's Chiyo?"

Oikawa nodded and Iwaizumi watched the way he easily folded his slim legs onto the chair, one ankle tucked behind the other, arm resting on the one raised knee. "Short for Chiyoko, like her mom."

Iwaizumi smiled slightly. "…She's surprisingly cute, considering you're her father."

Iwaizumi didn't have to look over to see that Oikawa was beaming, chest puffing proudly like some sort of a bird. He didn't even react to the subtle insult; it was probably the first time Oikawa didn't take offense. "She is, isn't she?" Oikawa gushed. "I have at least three more orders coming in this week for winter clothes—"

"Winter clothes?" Iwaizumi interrupted with a frown. "What's the thing she's wearing now?"

"Well, that's just her everyday play coat," Oikawa explained patiently. "She likes pink the best but I also bought her neutrals in case, you know, she wants to try a new color one day—"

"Does she even know a color besides pink?"

"She  _will_. She's already tying her shoelaces. Chiyo-chan's incredibly advanced-"

"Really?"

Oikawa paused.

"Well, she's not tying them how they should be… it's more like just knotting them over and over again. She is  _tying_  them."

Iwaizumi was quiet for a while as he let this information sink in.

"…That doesn't count," he said flatly.

"Yes, it does. Don't be jealous if you still have difficulty."

"I don't-!"

"Didn't you trip down the stairs earlier because they were untied?"

Retort cut off with a sound from his cell phone, Iwaizumi reached into his pocket to pull it out, cursing mentally when he saw it was nearly noon and Hanamaki was asking if they were still on for lunch. "Sorry," he said as he stood. "I had lunch plans, so I'm going to head out first."

Oikawa watched him stand and smiled, waving a hand as he followed suit. "Of course! I figured even Iwa-chan must have a social life. Chiyo-chan," he called into the living room, "say goodbye to Taro-kun."

"No!" she cried, sitting up in horror.

"Yes," Oikawa answered gravely.

" _No!_ "

Oikawa paused and turned to Iwaizumi. "Say, Iwa-chan, how attached are you to—"

" _No_."

Glaring at Oikawa, Iwaizumi whistled as he walked over to the doorway and stepped into his shoes. Taro immediately lifted his head and bounded off the couch, pattering over to Iwaizumi. He sat by his feet and nuzzled his face against his leg, barking when he was pet. Chiyo followed, though she stayed behind Oikawa; one arm was around his leg and the other reaching out, fingers just barely brushing against Taro's fur. Iwaizumi had to admit, her sad face made him feel guilty, but he had a feeling that if he left Taro here for just the afternoon, he'd never get him back.

"Thanks for your help, Iwa-chan," Oikawa sang. Iwaizumi just huffed and opened the door, taking a step out. Taro followed and now that he was entirely out of Chiyo's reach, she retreated fully behind Oikawa's legs, peering up at Iwaizumi. "I was wondering how I was going to do all this myself."

"Yeah, yeah, pay me back by getting me dinner one day or something."

"Oh? A new tactic to ask me out?"

Iwaizumi froze, but when he looked up, Oikawa was grinning mischievously. He relaxed, mumbling 'shut up' but couldn't help a small smile. "You're an—"

"Child."

Stepping out of the apartment, Iwaizumi looked up to see Oikawa still watching, smiling brightly and waving. He looked down and said something Iwaizumi couldn't quite make out, but Chiyo waved shyly, even smiling happily at Iwaizumi before squealing and hiding behind him again.

"Have a good lunch, Iwa-chan! Stop by afterwards and help me finish unpacking, okay? I'll give you a whichever popsicle Chiyo-chan doesn't want as a reward!"

Iwaizumi stared at him silently for a long, long time, finally exhaling slowly and pinching the bridge of his nose.

"…I'm gonna have to move, aren't I?"

* * *

Oikawa Tooru found out he was going to be a father at twenty-two by digging through the trash.

He'd thought he'd thrown out an important document in his sleep-deprived state, and instead found a pregnancy test wrapped with several paper towels. When he'd asked Chiyoko about it, she'd admitted that out of all the trash in the apartment, she'd thought it least likely that he would dig through the kitchen one, as it would be the messiest.

One coffee turned into two, which turned into studying together. And then when the class ended and they went their separate ways, Oikawa would keep texting her pictures of dogs he'd spot around campus, and tease that it was much easier to study now that she wasn't there to distract him with her gushing.

Texting then turned into lunch, which eventually turned into dinner. They eventually started dating and when she'd gotten involved in a bit of roommate drama and needed a place to live, Oikawa offered to let her stay with him. He didn't have high expectations from the relationship; his entire opinion on dating was that he was young, he liked to have fun, and he'd see where it was going.

So then one day she moved in and moving out never crossed either of their minds.

_"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, trying to keep his voice steady as he followed her from the kitchen to the bedroom, licking his lips to no avail. She'd come home when he was still holding the pregnancy test over the trash can; Chiyoko had stared at him wordlessly, breathed 'damnit' under her breath and ignored Oikawa trying to talk to her. "Chiyoko, please, talk to—"_

_"Because," she said finally, whirling around and catching Oikawa off guard with her tears. "…Because," she repeated, looking away and holding her elbows, "we're twenty-two years old. We've barely graduated college. We're nowhere near ready and—are we even serious? We've only been dating a few months, we haven't even talked about a future, much less children—"_

_"Then when were you going to tell me?" Oikawa interrupted, every limb in his body still feeling like it was on fire. Chiyoko looked away and crossed her arms, hands cupping her elbows. She rounded her shoulders and Oikawa watched her fidget, could see her nails digging into her skin through her sleeves. "Yeah, okay, those are… those are all valid concerns," he admitted. "But none of that would change in a few days or weeks or even months. Were you just never going to tell me and disappear?"_

_"I just wanted time to myself to process this information, okay?" she snapped and Oikawa fell silent with a flinch, biting his lip and dropping his gaze to avoid having to watch her cry. "We… we have fun," she continued in a softer tone. "I like being with you, but… we're still in that honeymoon phase of our relationship. We live together, but… but the lease on this apartment's up soon. We haven't talked about if we're going to keep living together afterwards. This relationship has been so easy and casual and fun that it's exactly what I wanted out of a college relationship, but… but I don't know if you're going to be the guy I marry or raise a kid with."_

_Oikawa licked his lips yet again and pressed them into a thin line. His nails were digging into his skin and his arms were shaking, but he took a deep breath and tried to stay as calm as he could._

_"…Were you at least going to give me a chance?" he asked quietly._

_The silence felt suffocating. Everything she said had been true; their relationship had been casual and none of their conversations ever even hinted at a more serious commitment. Oikawa hadn't even thought about the future with her, not more than a week, and even that was 'maybe she'll want to eat here again if I wait a few more days.' He liked her and he liked to spend time with her; living with her, as spontaneous a decision as it was, hadn't backfired in a way most of his friends tried to warn him about._

_But he knew he wasn't father material, much less boyfriend material. While he worked hard, he could be overly dramatic and flirtatious. Oikawa had intense focus, but after volleyball, he'd shifted that to academics (though Chiyoko questioned it because of his habit of sleeping during discussions.)_

_(He explained that he used all his energy to stay awake in lectures, where it mattered, that he had to slack somewhere else.)_

_Everyone who broke up with Oikawa had said it was because he wasn't serious enough about the relationship, and so somewhere in the back of his mind, Oikawa was waiting for Chiyoko to realize the same thing. He'd hoped she wouldn't because he genuinely did enjoy being with her, but at this early in his life, he could admit he wasn't ready to commit himself fully to someone. He had his own goals, he had a career he wanted. He wanted to be with her, but he also wanted to have his own life and being so young, it seemed like that was attainable._

_But then he dug through the trash._

_Oikawa took a deep breath, feeling his chest rattle. "Chi—"_

_"Yeah, of course," she said finally and Oikawa breathed a sigh of relief. He bowed a bit, bringing his hands up to his face as he felt relief sink into him. "I… just needed time to think about this and I've decided that I want to keep it," she continued and Oikawa nodded, still not lowering his hands as he processed everything._

_Chiyoko fell silent and all Oikawa could hear was his own heart beating furiously. He only dropped his hands and looked up when she called his name softly; pushing his hair back, he straightened to meet her gaze. She raised a hand to wipe at her eyes, looking away and licking her lips. "…You can be involved or not, but all I ask is that... you stick by that choice. Okay?"_

_"How is that even a question?"_

_Stepping forward and pull her flush against him, Oikawa closed his eyes, lips pressing to the top of her head. He could feel her hands against his chest and he sighed into her hair. "Of course I wanna be there," he mumbled softly. "I won't let you go through this by yourself, okay? That's my kid too and I really want to be there for them and you."_

_Smiling when he felt her slender frame start shaking and hearing sniffling, Oikawa mumbled 'hey' and pulled back, He coaxed her hands away so he could cup her face, bowing until their foreheads met, kissing her nose briefly. "Yeah, we haven't been together long. But we like each other, right? We have a good time?"_

_He kept smiling, murmuring 'there it is' when she ended up laughing, nodding and closing her eyes at the kiss Oikawa pressed to her forehead._

_"Even couples who celebrate fifty year anniversaries were strangers once."_

After moving out of the college apartment, they signed a lease for a small but cozy apartment. Chiyoko had been accepted into a Ph.D. program and Oikawa had gotten a job as a staff writer, figured it was a good way to climb up the ranks. Their apartment was closer to the school, for Chiyoko's safe, and Oikawa announced that he'd get a motorcycle.

Chiyoko firmly put her foot down, said he'd bicycle.

Oikawa sadly, but quickly, agreed.

Oikawa's personality had always been driven and focused. He'd originally focused on volleyball but after a professional-career-ending injury, he'd focused instead on the idea of editing. His injury had sent him in a downward spiral and when one day internet and electricity were both out due to a bad snow storm, Oikawa had spent the day flipping through magazines his then-roommate had yet to throw out. He'd be unable to focus on the articles and instead found himself drawn to the layout and the colors, focusing on all the creative decisions that had gone into the publication.

That had quickly become his new goal and everything Oikawa did, every internship, every volunteering position, every part time job, was to somehow get him closer. Between that and his education, Oikawa barely found just enough time to date The idea of having a kid not only never came up between him and whoever he was dating, but had never even crossed his mind.

Oikawa liked kids, but he hadn't thought about having one of his own, at least not this early. But when he saw the positive pregnancy test, after a very long initial period of disbelief and shock, he'd realized the pit in his stomach was closer to excitement than anything. The following days included him staring mindlessly at Chiyoko, which resulted in her getting flustered and throwing pillows at him to getting him to stop.

Chiyoko had always been sweet, only really loud if she was drunk, and Oikawa had naively assumed the infamous mood swings wouldn't be  _that_  bad, but then she kicked him out of bed one night two hours past midnight demanding ice cream.

And, on top of trying to keep his pregnant girlfriend as happy as one human possibly could, Oikawa's job was exactly as he imagined a first job would be:

Terrible.

The first few months had him running around like an intern, getting lunch and coffee. His boss hadn't seemed to like him; Oikawa assumed it was because he was better at her job than she was, and Chiyoko told him it was because of his attitude.

But aside from his charm and charisma, Oikawa's hard work had always been why he was successful. It started out with being friendly with everyone at the office and once everyone was familiar with him, he'd casually make suggestions disguised as comments. And now, while Oikawa still occasionally had to get coffee, at least he was getting assignments more relevant to what he actually wanted to do.

Even his boss begrudgingly admitted he was good at his job, despite his annoying personality. She'd said this to his face and Oikawa just laughed, assured her at least half the people in her authoritative position felt the same way.

While Oikawa had expected life after college to be busy, now that he couldn't arrange his schedule to take three hour naps in the middle of the day, he hadn't imagined it would be so busy that the only real time he had for himself was his 15 minute showers and 30 minute commutes to work. If it wasn't work, it was Chiyoko. Time for himself had definitely become a myth and self-centered Oikawa Tooru was now cooing over baby catalogues and coming home with tiny socks that wouldn't be used for at least another five months.

And then she was born in early spring and Oikawa didn't realize he could feel this much love.

_"We still haven't thought of a name."_

_Chiyoko's soft voice managed to lull Oikawa from his trance of rocking his new baby daughter in his arms when it had taken the doctor at least three times to get his attention. Looking up and unable to help himself from leaning in to kiss her again, her laugh had him smiling when he pulled back. "Didn't you have some in mind?"_

_"None of them seem like they fit now that we've seen her," she mumbled with a small frown. Shifting in the bed and resting her cheek on his shoulder, she sighed, reaching a hand over and poking the baby's cheek gently. Oikawa was lying next to her on the hospital bed, all the lights turned off except one from a small lamp. It was well past midnight and Chiyoko had been asleep, but Oikawa was addicted to staring at his daughter._

_"What does she look like?" Chiyoko asked, glancing up at him._

_Oikawa answered immediately. "An angel."_

_"A name," she clarified and Oikawa laughed, poking her nose then looking over at Chiyoko and doing the same. She smiled again and closed her eyes, snuggling closer to him and lacing an arm through his._

_"I think she looks like a Chiyo," he murmured and Chiyoko laughed. "Short for Chiyoko."_

_Chiyoko hummed, opening her eyes and looking at him with a lazy smirk. "You know, nothing you said has been really wrong, but that definitely just sounds like laziness."_

_Oikawa mimicked her humming and leaning down slowly to kiss her forehead gently. "What, you're saying you don't want to be the namesake for the most beautiful little girl in the world?"_

_She laughed and closed her eyes again after adjusting the blankets around them._

_"I'm saying that this is simultaneously the laziest and sweetest thing you've ever done for me."_

"Mama?"

Looking up to see Chiyo's little hands curled around the edge of a box as she peered into it, Oikawa stood and walked over. His chest clenched to see a farmed photo of Chiyoko he'd kept on his desk at their old apartment; leaning down to pick it up, Oikawa sat down and coaxed Chiyo into his lap. His arms reached around her and he kissed the side of her temple, watching her reach a hand out to put on the glass. "Yeah," he murmured, "that's Mama. She's pretty, isn't she?"

Chiyo nodded enthusiastically. "Pretty!"

Oikawa smiled and used his other hand to pat her head. "You look just like her."

Chiyo beamed, craned her neck to look up at him. "Chiyo pretty?"

"The prettiest," Oikawa answered immediately, pressing a kiss to her forehead before setting the picture back down in the box and picking her up in his arms as he stood. He looked around the living room; all their necessities were unpacked, but the apartment still looked bare and he was getting a bit bored of ripping open boxes and redecorating. "Hey," he said and turned to Chiyo, "you want ice cream today? I think Papa needs a break from moving."

"Puppy?" Chiyo gasped and Oikawa laughed.

"Puppy is Iwa-chan's and Iwa-chan is out. We'll play with puppy later, okay? How about we get ice cream first?"

Chiyo's face had fallen at the news about Taro, but quickly brightened again at the mention of ice cream, arms hooking around Oikawa's neck tightly as he pocketed his wallet and keys. Stepping out of his apartment, he couldn't help but stop by Iwaizumi's on his way to the stairs and press his ear to it, listening for sounds of life for a few seconds.

He looked at Chiyo.

"Iwa-chan's lazy."

"Iwa-chan  _lazy_ ," Chiyo repeated passionately.

Oikawa beamed.

"That's my girl."

Humming happily as he made his way down the stairs and out the building and feeling a surge of pride at the smiles his daughter received, Oikawa readjusted his hold on her, was careful to try and keep her from bumping into people. He'd helped Chiyo into her favorite dress that day; while not yet at the point where she could decide outfits, she would yell a color at him (usually pink) and Oikawa would get the appropriate clothes prepared.

This morning she had yelled 'blue' at him and so Oikawa had chosen her favorite sky blue sundress, pairing it with beige sandals with little flowers adorning the clasp. He'd attempted to braid her hair but Chiyo had different plans, squirming out of his grasp, and so her long hair had been left down for the day, though he did manage to comb her bangs through. Just before leaving, he had convinced her to put on a coat; it wasn't too cold out but Oikawa was one of those overly cautious parents.

"What flavor ice cream do you want?" he asked and Chiyo turned to him, having been watching the birds wondrously. Oikawa had closed her mouth for her very gently.

"All of them!"

A very typical answer.

Laughing under his breath, Oikawa started to cross the street when Chiyo excitedly patted his head. Confused, Oikawa stopped immediately to see her pointing; following her gaze, he saw that she was pointing at the recently bloomed flowers in the park.

Raising an eyebrow because if it could distract her from ice cream, clearly she  _really_  wanted the flowers, and so headed over, setting her down once they were close and watching her run towards the bushes. He put his hands in his pockets and leisurely followed her; Chiyo had crouched down by a particularly colorful patch.

Bending down at Chiyo's instruction to let her stick a daisy in his hair, he grinned at her. "Is Papa pretty now too?" he asked.

"The  _prettiest_ ," she announced before going back to picking more flowers, undoubtedly to give to Oikawa for a crown.

As Oikawa watched her, he couldn't believe that just under two years ago, his priorities in life went from being entirely himself to entirely this little girl. He couldn't find the words to express how much she meant to him starting from the moment he saw her. Despite what everyone said, Oikawa honestly had a hard time finding either his or Chiyoko's features in Chiyo when she was a baby, but as she grew up, the resemblance to Chiyoko was striking. And for a while, despite all his love for his little girl, seeing the same straight hair, the same bright smile, the same guilt tripping eyes broke his heart all over again. But, at the same time, Oikawa was glad that even if Chiyoko was gone, she wasn't entirely out of his life.

Reaching forward to ruffle her hair, Chiyo turned around, brown eyes staring at him inquiringly. He could already see some of the stems getting bent from her firm grasp on the flowers and just laughed quietly again. "Papa?" she asked, still staring at him.

Oikawa, for all his grandiose speeches and flowery pick up lines, had always found it difficult to say what he really felt, never having liked being that vulnerable with anyone. There were certain things he'd never said to anyone, and yet with Chiyo, they were as natural as breathing.

"I love you," he murmured with a small smile, tilting his head and gazing at her fondly. "Never forget that, okay? Papa loves you more than anything in the entire world."

Chiyo smiled, turned around fully and walked into him with both hands clutching fistfuls of flowers and hugged him. "Chiyo loves Papa too!"

He hugged her tightly for maybe a moment too long, sighing into her hair before letting her go and squishing her cheeks gently. "You want a crown, right?" he asked and Chiyo's eyes widened, nodding excitedly and Oikawa laughed. "How about I start then? Just—wait, no, Chiyo-chan, don't—don't pick the ones with bees on them-!"

* * *

"Hi, Iwa-chan."

Iwaizumi nearly dropped the mug he was polishing.

"Son of a bi—"

He cut off suddenly and stared at Oikawa, who just smiled cheerfully.

"Don't worry, go on. Chiyo-chan's not here."

Glaring at him, Iwaizumi glanced around. The few patrons in the shop seemed engrossed in their laptops and the only other barista here had taken an early lunch break. Giving a sigh, Iwaizumi finished polishing the mug, pushing himself off the counter and setting it down. "Usual?"

"Always."

After lunch with Hanamaki and Matsukawa who, ultimately, were utterly useless in offering advice to Iwaizumi's newfound predicament, Iwaizumi had been fortunate to not see him the next few days. Iwaizumi quickly learned his walls were thin; while hearing Chiyo's voice made him smile, hearing Oikawa's made him twitch, especially when he was trying to sing.

When he came into work this morning, he wondered if Oikawa would come in. Part of him looked forward to it, because talking to Oikawa happened to be, unfortunately, the highlight of his day, and the other part dreaded it.

Iwaizumi didn't know how to talk to Oikawa anymore. There were so many things he wanted to ask him, so many things he wanted to start talking to him about, but even in a nearly empty café, Iwaizumi couldn't bring himself to ask. Oikawa hadn't brought up Chiyo for a reason, he assumed, but he also didn't seem like he was trying to keep her existence a secret at the apartment.

The café, which had never felt small to him, was now suffocating.

"Iwa-chan," he heard a moment too late, "it's going to—"

"God—fuck-!"

Jerking his hand back so only a few drops of steaming hot milk touched his skin, Iwaizumi shook his hand with a wince, still mumbling swears under his breath, feeling a couple of people look up to glance over. He headed over to the sink and ran the tender skin under cold water for a few minutes, shaking his head when he heard Oikawa voice his concerns. "It's nothing," he grumbled. "Happens more often than you'd think."

Iwaizumi was surprised to hear no sassy remark.

Grabbing a paper towel to wrap around his finger, Iwaizumi went back to the half finished cup of coffee. Almost everyone seemed to have gone back to their work, but Oikawa's eyes felt like lasers on him; every single movement seemed to be studied carefully and Iwaizumi could only bring himself to look at him when he handed him his latte, the entire process conducted in complete and utter silence.

He pulled his hand back and there was maybe a three second delay before Oikawa reached out to take it, albeit slowly with his eyes never once leaving Iwaizumi.

"…You can talk about her," Oikawa said, lips threatening to twitch into a smile. "She's not a secret. If she were, I would've gone with you thinking she was my niece."

Iwaizumi flinched, unaware that Oikawa could read him so easily. He looked around again; nobody else had moved and when he looked back at Oikawa, he was still gazing at him, expression entirely unreadable. This person was a mystery, Iwaizumi thought. It felt like the more he learned, the more questions he had and he'd never actually understand the mystery that presented itself as Oikawa Tooru.

He swallowed and fidgeted with the wrapping on his finger. He cocked a hip to rest it against the counter and ended up crossing his arms, sighing and looking to the side. "…You never mentioned her," he said finally in a quiet voice. "It… it just took me by surprise. It's still… taking me by surprise."

"That's fair," Oikawa answered in a low voice, taking a sip of his latte and mirroring Iwaizumi's movements. One hand held the latte and the other was across his chest, fingers resting on his forearm. Oikawa was wearing his glasses again; he didn't seem to wear them on the weekends, Iwaizumi noted, so assumed they were computer glasses. "But I'd also like to point out that we never talked about, you know, daycares or parks."

"I thought you were dating someone," Iwaizumi muttered and Oikawa smiled almost apologetically.

"I know."

Iwaizumi shrugged weakly. He didn't know what else to say. He didn't know how to look at him anymore because there were a million questions he didn't know if he could ask. And, to make it worse, the still recent rejection loomed over him, left Iwaizumi feeling vulnerable, stupid, and horrendously embarrassed.

"Fifteen minutes."

Iwaizumi looked up.

"What?"

"On average, fifteen minutes," Oikawa said in a softer voice, shrugging and fixing his glasses. "That's how long it takes me to walk here, get a coffee, then walk back. And about twenty minutes to get from the apartment to work. So all in all, that's not even a full hour where I'm not at work or at home with Chiyo-chan. I have just under an hour a day all to myself and of that, five to ten talking to you. I know we're still basically strangers, Iwa-chan, but…"

Oikawa smiled and Iwaizumi hated what it did to his heart because Oikawa was always smiling, but rarely like  _this_.

"It's really the highlight of my day. So I'm sorry for deceiving you and I can't imagine what it feels like."

A bit taken aback, Iwaizumi's eyes dropped again and shook his head, clearing his throat and rubbing his nose; he didn't think Oikawa would be the one apologizing to  _him_ , but it made him feel a lot more awkward all of a sudden. "…Moron. You don't have to apologize."

"It feels like I do," Oikawa murmured, tilting his head, eyes looking him up and down. "And, honestly Iwa-chan, I didn't stalk you. I had to move out of the apartment I was in with Chiyoko because I couldn't be there anymore and the place next to yours was the only one with a move-in date that worked with my schedule."

"The apartment you—"

"Yeah," Oikawa said, shrugging and dropping his eyes. "That's another downside of a busy job. Don't have time to move out of the apartment you were living in with your dead girlfriend."

Iwaizumi had no idea how to even fathom a response to that.

"Anyway," Oikawa continued in a chipper tone, once again wearing what appeared to be his default smile. "Thanks for the coffee, Iwa-chan. And sorry again."

Blinking as he watched Oikawa turn and start to leave, Iwaizumi called out 'hey' before he figured out why he wanted to stop him. Hesitating and clearing his throat, he chewed on the inside of his cheek before sighing. "…Chiyo seems like a really good kid," he said finally and watched Oikawa's expression light up. "And… I know I'm just your coffee guy, but if you ever need help with her, let me know, okay? Pretty sure my hours are way more normal than yours."

"Thank you, Iwa-chan," Oikawa sang, but the look in his eyes managed to coax a laugh from Iwaizumi. "It'll be nice of you to help Taro-kun look after Chiyo-chan."

"…Wait, you ass—oi! Oikawa!"

"Iwa-chan, I know I'm fun to talk to, but I need to get back to—"

"No, you self-entitled piece of shit, you didn't pay for your coffee."

"Oh."

Oikawa blinked and then smiled.

"I figured this was the date Iwa-chan wanted to take me out on. See you tomorrow!"

Iwaizumi spent the rest of the day imagining Oikawa's face on the mugs and tables he had to scrub down.

His manager said the café never looked cleaner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know what a ristretto bianco is, but it sounds really pretty and i needed a title... thank you for reading! kudos/comments appreciated as ever ♡


	3. caffè mocha

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "everyone needs someone to be there for them. especially morons like you."

Over the next couple of weeks, Iwaizumi saw the guy who rejected him way more than he would've liked.

Oikawa continued to show up at the coffee shop, being as charming as always during their five to ten minute windows. They never talked about Chiyo, mostly because Oikawa only used these precious minutes to piss Iwaizumi off, but there were a few times where he'd get off work around the same time as Iwaizumi did and come over so they could walk home together. Sometimes Chiyo would be with him (she quickly became a favorite among the staff) and Iwaizumi would always make her a hot chocolate with extra whipped cream.

But on the days where Chiyo wasn't there because Oikawa's sister or his friend had picked her up from daycare, they'd end up talking about her. Iwaizumi learned a lot about Chiyo and still barely anything about Oikawa, but he figured that in this situation, it was best to let Oikawa open doors instead of Iwaizumi going around and knocking on them to see which ones he could enter.

_"Ayumi picks her up if I work late, like today," Oikawa said, watching Iwaizumi wipe down the counters as he sipped his latte. "Even someone as charming as myself can't talk the daycare into staying open for an extra three to four hours."_

_"Have you thought about getting a nanny?" Iwaizumi asked, glancing over to see Oikawa perched at the bar he'd already finished cleaning. If he so much as got a drop of coffee on that, Iwaizumi was ready to make him help, even if it would just be an extra ten seconds to clean it up. "That way the hours wouldn't be as much as an issue right?"_

_"Iwa-chan, do I look rich to you?"_

_Iwaizumi straightened, ran his eyes up and down Oikawa's immaculate outfit._

_"Anyway," Oikawa continued airily and Iwaizumi scoffed at his inability to ever admit fault, "a nanny would be more convenient, but one would be much too expensive and for the most part, daycare works out well. Of course, ideally, I would get to stay home with Chiyo-chan all day."_

_"Ayumi's your sister?" Iwaizumi asked, running the towel against the edge of the last table before pushing the chairs in. He frowned and straightened the legs to be parallel to the edge, pretended he didn't hear Oikawa's small laugh._

_"Older. Does Iwa-chan want me to set you two up?"_

_"Fuck off."_

_Kicking Oikawa's stool on the way back to the register area, Iwaizumi smirked to see Oikawa jolt and catch himself from falling over. He whined childishly as Iwaizumi tossed the towel into a cupboard beneath the mugs and took off his apron. "Hope you treat her to dinner every once in a while. You're a real handful, you know?"_

_"Iwa-chan, the true reward is to spend time with—"_

_"Stop acting like you're God's gift to—"_

_"—my darling daughter."_

_Iwaizumi hesitated._

_"…Yeah, all right. That's fair."_

_Oikawa smiled so brightly that Iwaizumi felt punching him would be like punching the sun._

And, naturally, being his neighbor, he'd bump into Oikawa at the apartment complex. He'd sometimes spot him when leaving in the morning, Chiyo in tow singing merrily about her papa and milk bread and other times when he was coming home from work or errands. Iwaizumi would've thought that Oikawa worked fairly regular hours or, at least, days, but he realized he had no idea which days he had off. In fact, the only constant seemed to be when he left in the morning; even coming home was erratic. His busy schedule seemed to come and go; there was a week where Oikawa was consistently home by dinner, but then there was another week where he only saw him in the morning or at the coffee shop.

Even though Iwaizumi's reflex was always to glare when he saw Oikawa, he tried to soften his expression when Chiyo was around. If Taro was with him, she'd shriek joyfully and run to him; otherwise, she'd hide behind Oikawa's legs or, if he was holding her, bury her face in his neck. It made Iwaizumi feel like he should try to be friendlier because he didn't want to scare her, but he also didn't know how to change his default facial expression. Hanamaki once asked him to try and adopt a less intense glare and then when he complied, he was told promptly to never do that again.

_"She's not normally this shy, you know. Iwa-chan probably scares her."_

_Iwaizumi must've been quiet for a moment too because Oikawa was staring at him when he looked up. Chiyo was hiding behind his legs, little hands curled around the fabric of his pants and shyly stealing glances. Iwaizumi shrugged as Oikawa opened the door and watched Chiyo run in. "It's fine. Kids don't normally like me. I'm used to it."_

_Oikawa didn't say anything and even though Iwaizumi had unlocked his door, somehow it didn't feel like the time to step in yet. When he looked back up at him, Oikawa tilted his head and gave the same smile, opening the door a bit more so he could step in. Iwaizumi did so; he was halfway in when he heard Oikawa again, felt heat on the back of his neck._

_"Iwa-chan, kids can tell things that adults can't. Chiyo-chan might be shy, but she's not scared of you. She knows you're a good person."_

_When Iwaizumi looked up, it was right in time to watch Oikawa's door close._

He wondered how Oikawa handled everything. He almost always looked good, was probably good at his job to be an assistant editor at such a young age, and was an entirely devoted and caring father. Iwaizumi spent his days making coffee and while it was physically tiring and he'd collapse onto his couch when he got home, he could only imagine the intense workout Oikawa went through chasing Chiyo around every night to feed her or put her to bed.

The walls weren't that thin, but Chiyo and Oikawa had very, very loud voices.

Flinching, first at feeling Taro lick his fingers and then again when he heard a clever substitute for a swear word, Iwaizumi sat up on his couch and stared at the wall he shared with Oikawa. Taro whined and Iwaizumi patted his head, still trying to make out the mumbles he could vaguely hear. He heard Oikawa call for Chiyo and then could barely make out him talking in a lower voice, words muffled but 'how far?' and 'no other option' and 'what the hell should I do?'

Living next to Oikawa had drastically improved Iwaizumi's ability to eavesdrop.

Frowning, he swung his legs over to sit upright on the couch and grab his phone.

**To: Oikawa Tooru**

_everything okay?_

He set his phone down, face up, and scratched Taro behind his ears as he waited for a response. The commotion from next door appeared to have settled down; Iwaizumi counted ten whole seconds of peace and quiet before a joyous ' _Chiyo awake!_ ' probably rung through the entire floor.

Although Iwaizumi tried not to, he kept glancing at his phone, waiting for it to light up. It was stupid, he thought, Oikawa was busy, he probably wasn't even looking at his phone. He had to stop acting like a love-struck moron because, in this scenario, it would be an insult to call himself the moron instead of Oikawa. Hanamaki and Matsukawa liked to tease Iwaizumi and tell him that it was finally his turn to go through the puppy love phase he never seemed to feel in high school, and he just glared at them until they stopped talking.

Just as he reached out to flip his phone over, he watched a notification pop up. And, without hesitation, he swiped across on it to read Oikawa's response.

**From: Oikawa Tooru**

_you're home?_

Before Iwaizumi could even pull his hand back from Taro to compose a reply:

**From: Oikawa Tooru**

_do you have plans today?_

A flurry of thoughts instantly flew through Iwaizumi's mind and he swallowed, texted back immediately because Iwaizumi had always thought the 'they took ten minutes to answer, so I should take fifteen' to be uselessly passive aggressive.

**To: Oikawa Tooru**

_no plans. whats up?_

And then no answer.

Not even the typing bubble appeared, so Iwaizumi tried to ignore both his sinking stomach and racing heart as he leaned back in his couch. He propped his feet up on the coffee table and heaved a sigh; one arm rested over his stomach and the other patted the empty space next to him. Taro leapt up and had his head in Iwaizumi's lap as he stroked his fur absentmindedly, closing his eyes.

Then the third jolt in less than half an hour came at the sharp rapping on his door. Taro barked sharply and Iwaizumi lazily shushed him. Iwaizumi lowered his feet and hesitantly checked his phone, but saw no new message. Scratching the back of his head and leaving Taro on the couch, he walked over to the door; had he ordered food and forgot about it? But it was only ten; that normally didn't happen until at least noon.

Maybe it was Hanamaki, he thought. He very well could've agreed to him coming over and forgotten about it. Or, more likely, he just showed up.

Sighing, he opened the door with an irk of annoyance, wondering why he couldn't have made friends with normal sense of personal space. "You son of a—"

"Child, although I'm not even quite sure what I've done that warrants that greeting."

"Oh shi—"

"Child. Come now, Iwa-chan. At least try, won't you?"

Wanting to smash his face against the door, Iwaizumi mumbled a gruff apology. Oikawa was dressed in his usual scarf and coat, black-rimmed glasses perched on the bridge of his nose. And had it been anyone else, Iwaizumi would've thought they looked as they always did, but since he, unfortunately would admit, spent so much time observing at him, he recognized the slightly strained smile, the disheveled hair, even the fact that his glasses were a bit crooked.

It was a little endearing.

Then his eyes dropped to see Oikawa holding Chiyo's hand and she was staring up at him, big eyes and gaping mouth.

Iwaizumi felt self-conscious and smoothed his hair.

"Iwa-chan, can I ask a favor?" Oikawa inquired and Iwaizumi looked up, closing his mouth without realizing it was open and nodded. "A really big favor."

"Yeah," he nodded and leaned against the doorframe. "What's up?"

"I have to go into work," Oikawa said and fidgeted with his glasses, clearing his throat, "and Ayumi's out of town this week for work. She could come back but it would take at least three hours and I need to go in—"

"You want me to watch Chiyo," Iwaizumi finished, congratulated himself on keeping any inflections out of his tone when his entire body went into high alert mode.

Oikawa smiled apologetically. "I hate to ask, but Pudding-chan and Tetsu-chan are useless—"

" _Useless!_ " Chiyo repeated vehemently and Iwaizumi couldn't help but laugh a little. Chiyo beamed.

"Really, it's fine," Iwaizumi continued, looking back up at Oikawa. "I mean, if you're okay with me watching her."

Watching Oikawa smiled that widely in relief caused a blush that would be too telling, so he feigned a cough to bring a hand up to his face. Oikawa bent down to cup Chiyo's cheeks and kiss her forehead. "Chiyo-chan, you're gonna play with Iwa-chan and Taro-kun today, okay? Papa will be home soon."

"Papa won't play too?"

"Papa has to work," Oikawa answered with a sad smile, leaning forward to kiss her nose. "Be good for Iwa-chan, okay? We can do the thing next time."

Iwaizumi blinked. "Wait, what—"

"Okay, go in."

Stepping aside to let Chiyo toddle into his apartment, Iwaizumi glared suspiciously at Oikawa. "…The hell're you planning to do to me? And using your kid?"

"Kidding, kidding! Iwa-chan, loosen up, will you? If you're too stiff, Chiyo-chan's gonna try and body slam you."

"…What?"

"You have my number," Oikawa started then gave a cheeky grin. "And you actually tried to turn it down when I gave it to you. How foolish of you, Iwa-chan! I told you you'd want it!"

"You gave it to  _me_  on one of those coffee cup sleeves," Iwaizumi snapped. "That doesn't work if you're the customer."

"Anything works because I'm me! Anyway, you have it in case anything happens," Oikawa continued seamlessly and Iwaizumi twitched. He glanced behind him and Iwaizumi followed his gaze to see Chiyo on the couch with Taro, back against the cushion and outstretched legs not even reaching the edge. "She's a good kid, really. She shouldn't be that much trouble but if anything happens or if you don't want to, just call me, okay? I—"

"Oi," Iwaizumi interrupted, looking back over and shrugging. "Your job's important to you. I know it is. You haven't talked about it, but I can tell that you've got a passion for it and if you're going in when I assume you don't have to, it's gotta be important. So go. I can look after her. I know she's a good kid. It's surprising when I remember you're her dad, but she's good."

Oikawa smiled, but Iwaizumi sensed the unwillingness to leave. Sighing, he reached forward to push him away gently and gesture towards the stairwell with his chin. "Go. We'll be fine. Taro's here and I've got some of the hot chocolate from the café in my cupboards."

Oikawa gave one last smile and mumbled 'thank you' before turning and leaving. Iwaizumi waited until the door to the stairwell closed before he stepped back into the apartment; hearing the lock click, he dropped his hand and turned around to stare at Chiyo. She was still on the couch but was staring at him now and Iwaizumi tried to smile, but the expression felt forced and he didn't want to scare her, so he stopped.

He swallowed thickly.

_…Now what the fuck do I do?_

* * *

"How do I pick her up?"

"…Uh, well… you just pick her up, I guess."

"Like what?" Iwaizumi furrowed his brow. "A dog? A football?"

"…Unless you plan on throwing her, no."

Iwaizumi continued his staring contest with Chiyo.

"You're useless."

Hanamaki laughed.

"You're asking useless questions. I gotta go, need to finish grading these papers and then get back to studying. Call me if there's an emergency, not if you don't know how to pick up a kid."

Hearing a click before he could snap back, Iwaizumi pocketed his phone and took a deep breath, opening his eyes to see Chiyo still staring, leaving him wondering if children ever blinked. The morning had been relatively easygoing; Chiyo had watched television with Taro for a while, but eventually sat up to announce she was bored and wanted to play with her blocks. Iwaizumi had been in the middle of figuring out how to break into Oikawa's apartment when Chiyo procured a key from her pocket and Iwaizumi thought that it was almost predictable that Oikawa would give his not-even-two-years old child a key and not tell him about it.

Iwaizumi hadn't had to confront the issue of picking her up back then. As soon as he took the key and turned around, Chiyo was following him like a duckling, walking behind him and picking up two blocks while Iwaizumi was tasked with picking up the other thirteen. It had been a feat to carry them and lock the door, but he'd surprisingly made it and proceeded to spend the next forty minutes stacking and unstacking blocks with Chiyo, never having realized that such a mundane activity could actually be that mentally engaging. She'd finally gotten bored of blocks and Iwaizumi watched her struggle to climb onto the couch for a few moments, turning on the television and grabbing a book to read, making sure to glance up every few pages to check up on her.

But now it was lunchtime and Chiyo wasn't as cooperative in following him. Iwaizumi had tried to walk in every direction, but Chiyo stayed put and stared at him, Taro's head in her lap.

When asking her if she was hungry, Chiyo had yelled 'no' at him, and Iwaizumi was starting to realize Chiyo only knew how to yell. Apparently, teaching her to have an indoor voice was not a priority on Oikawa's list.

Iwaizumi ran into this problem with Hanamaki and Matsukawa; out of the three, he tended to be the most rigorous about having a set schedule, especially for eating, but the other two would be more lax. Iwaizumi would make something for himself and let them starve until they felt like eating. But she wasn't Hanamaki or Matsukawa, and Iwaizumi figured that children had to eat at regular intervals even more so than adults. He'd intended on taking her out to a place Oikawa had mentioned Chiyo liked, but she didn't seem to be willing to go anywhere. Sighing, he headed into his kitchen; as predicted, Chiyo didn't follow, but she'd finally stopped staring at him and went back to focusing on Taro and the television.

Iwaizumi's forte was making coffee; he cooked but went mostly by instinct, deciding following recipes was too annoying and only did so if baking (because of one very unfortunate incident involving muffins and a mini explosion in his stove.) But the one thing that he had more or less mastered was tamagoyaki because, first of all, it was easy, and second of all, it was cheap.

Putting rice on first and then heating up some oil in a pan, he made sure to keep an eye on Chiyo as he started beating the eggs and eventually adding in the dashi and sugar. Iwaizumi cooked at whatever pace he felt like, and the activity generally left him feeling relaxed. Most of his food would turn out edible, but sometimes when he took risks, they definitely backfired, and Hanamaki and Matsukawa were usually subject to being the guinea pigs. But all in all, the process was generally soothing, from hearing heated oil pop to the clicking of his stove, but today, it was incredibly stressful.

For one thing, he didn't know if Chiyo even ate tamagoyaki; he assumed she would because it was sweet and it was egg. And for another, she could just run over at any given time and either:

One, fall and hit her head on the tiled floor.

Two, stand too close to the stove and have her hair catch on fire.

Three, grab the pan and end up with hot oil all over her head.

Iwaizumi continued to simulate situations as she stayed on the couch, completely engrossed by the television.

Careful to not let the oil splatter hit him, Iwaizumi watched the whisked eggs form an even layer in the pan, edges already starting to cook. When cooking for himself or friends, he tended to not care about presentation. But Iwaizumi was the type of one night stand who would offer breakfast the next morning, and it was in scenarios like those where he would care a little about making the food look halfway decent.

He'd actually had a few semi-serious relationships stem out of his one-night hook ups.

Stepping away to spoon some of the rice into bowls and letting it cool down, Iwaizumi glanced over. All Chiyo had done in the last five minutes was lie down to match Taro, eyes still glued to the television.

Using his chopsticks, he gave a sigh and stretched his neck, watching the egg as he started rolling it and tilting the pan. Oikawa hadn't texted, which Iwaizumi took to be a sign that he trusted him, and Iwaizumi so far hadn't felt an overwhelming urge to reach out to him either. He'd considered it when the lunch dilemma began, but when he remembered how stressed Oikawa looked, he decided not to and opt for Hanamaki instead, who turned out to be utterly useless. And because Hanamaki usually was more useful than Matsukawa, he decided to not even bother asking him.

Oikawa was an asshole, but sometimes Iwaizumi tried not to be.

Turning the flame off and carefully moving the finished egg onto a plate, Iwaizumi started cutting it up into what he hoped was bite size pieces. He put about half into the small bowl that would be Chiyo's and the other half into his own and carried both over to where she was, chopsticks for himself and a fork for her.

He whistled and Taro obediently bounded off the couch, opting instead to lay under the coffee table. He could see Chiyo sit up straight and watch him and pretended to not notice because for a little girl, she had quite the piercing gaze. Iwaizumi cautiously set the bowl and a fork in front of Chiyo and stared at her, wondered if she'd understand.

She blinked slowly at him and Iwaizumi's heart dropped.

"…Do… you like… this?"

Chiyo stared at him for what felt like eternity before nodding. She moved forward on the couch and Iwaizumi stared at the distance remaining between her and the bowl, so he brought the table closer, being sure to not hurt Taro. Chiyo seemed happy; she bounced a little and grabbed the fork and Iwaizumi watched her stab at one of the pieces of egg and eat it.

Iwaizumi continued to stare, not even thinking about touching his own bowl.

"…Good?" he ventured cautiously.

Chiyo turned to him and grinned.

"Good!"

_Oh, thank God._

Smiling and reaching out to pat her head, Iwaizumi started eating slowly, keeping an eye on Chiyo. He leaned back against the sofa and propped his feet up on the ottoman instead of the coffee table to let Chiyo eat in peace.

The droning television was staring to put him to sleep; he hadn't realized how tired watching a little girl less than half his height was, but he was starting to nod off even before finishing his food. He jerked awake only when Chiyo cheerfully announced she was done, bowl and fork clattering onto the table. Iwaizumi had planned on sitting up in ten seconds to move it over to the sink, but then Chiyo curled up next to him, head pressed against his thigh.

Iwaizumi tried to stay calm, but his first thought was if Chiyo had finally mistaken him for Taro. But when he watched Taro come by to gently bump his head against her hand and she didn't move, he realized that Chiyo was still recognizing him as human. He kept as still as he could while reaching over for a throw, gently covering Chiyo with it.

Iwaizumi couldn't help but smile when he watched her yawn, nose scrunching as she snuggled closer to Iwaizumi. He gently rested his arm across her shoulders and sighed, closing his eyes and leaning back.

"Iwa-chan…"

He grunted out of reflex, then apologized.

"Yeah, Chiyo?"

"Iwa-chan…"

He leaned down to try and hear her better.

"…Icky…"

"…"

* * *

Oikawa sighed and collapsed in his chair.

The last five hours had passed by in a blur. The last thing he could remember clearly was thinking about what to eat for lunch and then suddenly every single sort of crisis happened, resulting him running around and trying to put out fires. One of the interns had been kind enough to get him a coffee and wrap, the latter of which he told him to have instead.

Bringing a hand up to his face, he pressed his middle finger and thumb to either of his temples, allowed himself a moment to breathe before dropping it and tired to remember just what he was working on before everyone from design to photography needed him. Scanning across his desk, he settled on his face-down phone, feeling his heart leap; he'd forgotten to take with him and, as he reached over to check it, hoped nothing drastic had happened on Iwaizumi's end.

He turned it over and laughed for the first time all day.

**From: Iwa-chan**

_you son of a bitch_

**From: Iwa-chan**

_dont teach chiyo to call people icky_

"Oikawa-san?"

Setting his phone down immediately, Oikawa looked up to see one of his writers at his desk. "Is it done?" he asked and she nodded. "Edited and proofread? Ready to be published?"

"After your review, yes."

Oikawa gave a nod and smiled tiredly. "Then go home. I'll read it over tonight, but I don't foresee any major revisions. Have a good night."

Her expression collapsed into a relieved smile as she thanked him, turning and hurrying out of the office, presumably before Oikawa thought to change his mind. Facing his computer, Oikawa absentmindedly reached out for the five hour old coffee and took a huge gulp, only to jerk violently at the taste.

The hand he brought up to his mouth couldn't catch everything he sputtered and he picked up a stray napkin, wiping his computer before his. Clicking his tongue, his eyes darted to the time displayed in the corner of his screen. Oikawa sighed and cradled his chin in his palm for a moment, closing his eyes.

"Night, Oikawa-san."

"Night," he called tiredly, keeping his eyes closed as he took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Everything looks good for tomorrow, yeah?"

"Yeah. You should get going too. Everyone's left. Even the big man himself."

"Yeah, well, he always leaves before me," Oikawa smirked, waving off another one of the writers. As the echoing of his shoes gradually grew dimmer following the door closing, Oikawa hummed. He was exhausted; he was aware of how hectic his job could be, but until recently, it hadn't been this chaotic. There had been a recent change in leadership and while it was promised that the transition would be smooth, it clearly was not and Oikawa was left trying to both satisfy their new editor-in-chief all while trying to not overwork his remaining staff, having lost maybe half his team in half a year.

Opening his eyes, Oikawa checked his emails one last time to make sure everything that needed to be done was finished. Pleased that all his emails were read and addressed if necessary, he shut down his computer and packed up his bag. Once he saw the screen turn black, he slung his bag over his shoulder and draped his coat over his arm, other hand grabbing the coffee and tossing it into his trashcan before leaving his office.

Oikawa's office was secluded from the larger workspace that was filled with cubicles and more open areas with tables and drawing boards. Oikawa had always thought it to be a nice place to work and could still remember the cubicle he had started in before getting promoted, how as an intern, all he'd ever wanted was to be in that office with the floor-to-ceiling glass and windows. How now he was there and there'd be times where he wished he could be back in that little cubicle.

Darkened lights automatically flicking back on and following Oikawa's path out the door, he switched his coffee to his other hand, freeing one to run through his hair as he strode between the emptied cubicles. He was out of the office and into the stairwell, hurried steps bringing him outside, where he took a deep breath, noting the recently darkened sky.

His steps didn't slow until he was a few blocks away, about halfway home and he veered into a bakery. It was busy, but the moment he entered, the girl at the counter spotted him and beamed. Oikawa smiled, shook his head when she apologized and promised to be with him after the customer she was currently serving.

He loitered at the end of the bar, craning his neck and wincing. While coffee was Oikawa's drug of choice, Chiyo seemed to have inherit both of her parent's sweet tooths and merged them together, resulting in an insatiable desire for sweets. Oikawa tried to limit her intake but no matter how many pep talks he'd give himself to not give in and spoil her, one blank stare from Chiyo and Oikawa lost all resolve.

"Here you go, Oikawa-san! The usual?"

And by that, she meant a black coffee for him and a slice of strawberry cake for Chiyo.

"Actually," he said, "could I add a slice of that black forest?"

"Of course! Chiyo-chan's expanding her tastes?"

"Chiyo-chan's made a friend," Oikawa answered, then paused. "Actually, do you have anything for dogs?"

She shook her head and Oikawa just smiled at her confused expression.

Throughout the day, Oikawa had been unable to keep himself from thinking about Iwaizumi. He told himself it was just because Iwaizumi was watching Chiyo for the first time, but even so, he didn't have any qualms about it. Chiyo, as energetic as she was, wasn't too hard to deal with unless it was bedtime. But even with that excuse, his mind would drift away from wondering what the two of them had for lunch and end up thinking about Iwaizumi's sharp jawline, the way he'd scoff quietly before smiling sometimes, and, as Oikawa had seen one day when Iwaizumi had a mishap with the whipped cream and had to take his shirt off, very nice arms.

When Chiyoko died, there had been an emptiness in his life that he refused to deal with, deciding instead to throw himself into work and Chiyo, the latter of which more than easily took up more hours than Oikawa had available. Dating not only took a backburner but it fell off of Oikawa's radar entirely, and he'd never felt like he was missing out. Before Chiyoko, Oikawa found himself flirting with anyone who moved, sometimes not even stopping when he should; Oikawa didn't always mean his flirting, but since he seemed to just naturally do so, it ended up getting him in trouble often.

But then after Chiyoko, while he was still friendly, Kuroo noted that Oikawa somehow learned how to be friendly without flirting. Oikawa hadn't noticed it, but he did find that there were fewer people marching up to him and telling him to stop flirting with their significant others.

And more than that, nobody made him feel even half of what Chiyoko did. She'd made him feel safe and happy; seeing her smile made Oikawa feel a warmth spread from the middle of his chest. The only person who seemed to be able to do that now was Chiyo.

But then he met Iwaizumi and what had started out as coffee breaks for coffee ended up being coffee breaks for the barista. He started flirting without realizing it, and then the accidental flirting became a very conscious action. He'd look for opportunities to fluster Iwaizumi because watching that normally stoic glare give way to a hint of a blush made Oikawa's heart beat just a little bit faster.

Even so, Oikawa was surprised when he asked him out because even if Oikawa liked to flirt with him, he hadn't realized Iwaizumi didn't completely hate being flirted with.

Thanking the girl when she returned with the extra cake, Oikawa handed her a few crisp bills and squeezed past the growing crowd, steps quickening as he made his way home. When Chiyo had first been born, Oikawa had been more protective of her than even Chiyoko, honestly considering buying a bubble to protect her from pollutants. It had taken Kuroo at least three supervised visits before Oikawa was willing to let her alone with him and he couldn't help but laugh to imagine his face when he found out that Oikawa left Chiyo with Iwaizumi after knowing him for not even a year, their time together mostly in fifteen minute intervals.

But Iwaizumi just had that aura, somehow radiating a sense of responsibility and trust. Even Oikawa, who had always been a bit wary of people, was drawn to that. Iwaizumi could be short-tempered and a bit rough, but there was no doubt in his mind just from watching him and Chiyo that he'd be good with her.

Iwaizumi probably had no idea what to do with her, but he'd try his best, Oikawa figured.

Reaching their apartment complex, Oikawa's steps finally started slowing, though his heart was still beating rapidly. He took the steps two at a time to their floor, walking to Iwaizumi's door and knocking.

No answer.

Oikawa blinked and shifted to reach into his pocket for his phone. But he heard a loud shriek from his apartment and walked the few steps over, this time reaching for his keys. He'd just turned the lock when he heard Chiyo call out for him, opening the door and nearly stumbling back from her launching herself onto his legs.

Laughing, Oikawa tossed his coat into the apartment and set down the pastries and coffee on the counter to pick her up, kissing each cheek. "Hi baby," he crooned, smile widening at Chiyo's giggle. "Did you have fun with Iwa-chan?"

"Iwa-chan icky!"

Oikawa laughed again, stepping in and closing the door with his foot. Iwaizumi was standing by the couch, scowling at him with his arms crossed and Taro sitting by him with his tail wagging. "You son of a—"

"Cake?" Chiyo interrupted, pointing at the bag. "Cake?!"

"Cake," Oikawa reaffirmed.

Chiyo beamed.

"Icky!"

Oikawa loved that he could feel Iwaizumi's confusion grow stronger with every passing moment.

"…What?"

"Chiyo-chan is under the impression that 'icky' is synonymous to love," Oikawa explained, setting Chiyo down in favor of unboxing the cake. She grabbed at the hem of Oikawa's shirt, bouncing excitedly.

"Huh." Iwaizumi walked over to join him in the kitchen, frown deepening. "And why's that?"

"I don't think that's important," Oikawa replied airily.

"You were trying to cover up something, weren't you?"

"Don't be so quick to assume the worst in people!"

"That's all there is in you."

Laughing under his breath, Oikawa reached into the cupboards for two plates, setting them down carefully and taking the box out of the bag. He opened it and carefully moved a slice to each plate, peeling the plastic off with surgical precision. He set a small fork with a plastic handle decorated with flowers on one and a plain silver one on the other. "Chiyo-chan," he glanced down and Chiyo gave a brilliant smile. "Wash your hands, okay?"

Chiyo immediately turned and hurried towards the bathroom. Oikawa glanced up but his gaze ended up on Iwaizumi's face, unable to help but let his lips quirk to see the way his eyes followed her. "You wanna go help her?"

"No," Iwaizumi mumbled.

Oikawa waited.

"…Only because you won't, you stupid fucking sadist," he grumbled in a low voice and Oikawa laughed as he headed towards the bathroom. A few seconds later, he watched light spilling out from behind the corner and the sound of rushing water, coupled with Chiyo giggling. The two returned just as Oikawa was setting plates down on the kitchen table; Chiyo gasped and let go of Iwaizumi's hand to climb onto a chair, grab the plain fork and stab the cake viciously.

Iwaizumi stared for a long time at the flowery fork Oikawa slid in front of him as he took a sip of his coffee.

"…I think you—"

"I never make mistakes," Oikawa answered solemnly. "Anyway, Iwa-chan, eat up. You're here past dinner time, which means you've committed."

"Committed to what?" Iwaizumi asked, mouth full of cake.

Oikawa set down his coffee.

"To helping me put Chiyo-chan to bed."

* * *

"For a little girl, she really makes big messes."

"She was putting on a show since you were here, Iwa-chan."

"What, a water show?" Iwaizumi snapped tiredly, collapsing onto the couch, having changed his drenched shirt for one of Oikawa's.

"Chiyo-chan's got a real gift for the arts."

"She was just splashing around!"

" _Artistically_ ," Oikawa emphasized.

Iwaizumi snorted again, lazily brought the beer Oikawa offered as a reward to his lips. Oikawa finished took another sip of his own, coffee long gone, and took a seat next to him on the couch. As Iwaizumi had explained while Chiyo was picking out which pair of pajamas to wear that night, she'd wanted to watch a movie that, evidently, absolutely couldn't leave their apartment, and so they had ended up back at Oikawa's apartment. He'd apologized for not texting him and Oikawa had laughed, waved his hand, told him it was fine.

_"Chiyo-chan's the real master of the household, you know. If she invites you in, it's fine."_

_"Well, obviously."_

Oikawa had been vaguely insulted.

As much as he believed Chiyo was genuinely the best child in the world, Oikawa would admit that, like many other children, putting even an angel to bed was exhausting. Some days were better than others; Chiyo would sometimes be agreeable, giggle and shriek happily all the way from brushing her teeth to climbing into bed so Oikawa could read her a story. But other days were so frustrating that Oikawa was at a loss and didn't know what to do, left him drained.

It normally came in waves and just as Oikawa thought that he was going to lose all hope, Chiyo would be agreeable again. But every night of the last few weeks felt like a struggle. Chiyo would cry so much and refuse to listen to Oikawa's apologies about always being at work. His sister tried to reassure him but Oikawa had brushed it off because logic didn't always work with children. Chiyo couldn't understand that Oikawa didn't  _want_ to be at work instead of with her; all she understood was that there'd be days where she wouldn't even see him besides in the mornings.

He loved Chiyo and he loved his job, but when things were like this, he didn't know how he could handle both. Because at night, Chiyo would be so difficult, leaving Oikawa exhausted by the time he could finally stumble to bed, only to have to work for a few more hours or be so stressed he couldn't fall asleep. Then in the day, it was hectic and he barely had time to sit for more than five minutes at a time because a writer needed him or there was a problem with the shoot or even just the layout had somehow changed drastically in the span of thirty minutes.

But on days like those, he'd try to make it to Iwaizumi's and smile as he always did because those fifteen minutes often proved to be the only thing keeping him sane. Talking to someone about something besides font faces and sizes and also someone who wouldn't scream unexpectedly at any given moment. Being able to irk him and know that out of all the customers, he was the only one who could elicit such reactions from Iwaizumi, as Oikawa had been told both by Iwaizumi himself and the other baristas.

"You okay?" he heard and immediately nodded.

"Just tired," Oikawa answered honestly, taking another sip of his beer. "But that's what happens when you work for a magazine that publishes monthly, you know? Things should be better starting next week."

Iwaizumi didn't seem convinced. Oikawa could feel his gaze still fixated on him and tried to not focus on his movements being analyzed. He bit down gently on the glass rim and watched the news with half-lidded eyes. "It'll be cold tomorrow," he murmured offhandedly. "I think it's time to break out Chiyo-chan's winter coat."

"You look like shit."

Oikawa was quiet for a few moments and then looked over with a pout.

"That wasn't very nice."

"Well, you do," Iwaizumi answered with a smirk. Oikawa watched him take another swig and turn to face the television again, sighing and shifting a little, body sinking into the couch. "For someone who's so good at taking care of other people, you're horrible at looking after yourself. But you need to take care of yourself too."

Oikawa hummed, smiling lightly. "What, is Iwa-chan worried bout me?" he teased.

"Yeah," Iwaizumi answered without missing a beat. He glanced over at him. "Don't stress me out, asshole. You spend all your time looking after Chiyo and no one's looking after you. Everyone needs someone to be there for them. Especially morons like you."

Oikawa relieved the growing tightness in his chest with an inhale, but his heart was still thrumming quickly and he looked down at his beer, feeling a prickling along the back of his neck. "…You shouldn't say things like that out of nowhere," he said in a small voice.

"What?"

"I said," Oikawa spoke in a louder voice, "Iwa-chan's not suited to say nice things like that, so keep them to a minimum, okay?"

Iwaizumi glared and Oikawa grinned. "You little—"

"Anyway," Oikawa interrupted smoothly, "turns out Iwa-chan's not just pretty good at coffee. Chiyo-chan really liked the tamagoyaki you made her for lunch. It wasn't a leftover from the café, right?"

"Of course not," Iwaizumi snapped and Oikawa laughed. "I've just been trying out recipes in my spare time. Trying to come up with a menu for when I open my own place."

"Iwa-chan wants to have his own coffeehouse?" Oikawa asked, looking over in time to see Iwaizumi nod, tilting his head back to take another sip of the beer.

"Yeah. I mean, it's far-off," he said, shoulders hunching and Oikawa watched him sink a bit more into the couch. "Just a stupid dream but—"

"I don't think it's stupid," Oikawa volunteered, smiled in that specific way that seemed to always fluster Iwaizumi. "I think it's very fitting of Iwa-chan to want to open his own little café and when you do, Chiyo-chan and I will be your first customers. Make sure there's tonkatsu, okay?"

Iwaizumi scoffed. "She eats tonkatsu?"

" _I_ eat tonkatsu."

Rolling his eyes but smiling, Oikawa beamed at his little victory. When Iwaizumi leaned forward to set his bottle on the coffee table and stand, Oikawa followed suit, nodding when he said that he should get going. "Okay. Iwa-chan can go."

Iwaizumi glared. "I don't need your permission. I'm not Chiyo."

Oikawa laughed.

"What makes you think Chiyo-chan thinks she needs my permission for anything?"

"Smart girl."

Oikawa pouted.

Leaning against the wall as he watched Iwaizumi step into his shoes, he crossed his arms. "You know, you could've brought Taro-kun over," he said. "I don't mind."

"Oh. Okay, thanks for the future reference. Didn't know how you felt about dog hair everywhere."

"Can't be worse than Iwa-chan hair."

"Son of a—"

Cutting him off with a smile, Oikawa held up a hand as Iwaizumi opened the door, nodding before walking out and letting it close behind him. He stepped forward to engage the deadbolt, hearing a soft 'Papa?' from behind a closed door. Oikawa turned and turned the knob to Chiyo's room slowly, only stepping in when he could see her eyes open and staring at him. Smiling softly, he dropped to his knees by her bed, smoothing her hair with his hand and bowing to kiss her forehead. "Sorry, baby, did we wake you?"

"Chiyo wants to sleep with Papa," she murmured sleepily and Oikawa laughed, nodding. He kissed her cheek before pulling the covers off of her and picking her up, cradling her in his arms as he headed into his own room. Setting her down gently, he tucked her in and brushed the back of his knuckles against her cheek. "Papa's gonna get ready for bed, okay?"

Chiyo nodded, eyes already closed after making herself comfortable. Oikawa had started standing when he heard her call for him again and crouched down. "Yeah?"

"Chiyo likes Iwa-chan," she mumbled. "A lot."

Oikawa blinked in surprise, but felt a warmth in his chest as he smiled, nodding and brushing her bangs away from her face. He could tell she'd drifted off to sleep again; her breathing was slow and steady, lips parted just a bit. Watching her for a few more moments, he sighed and closed his eyes, moving slowly to sit with his back against the nightstand next to her bed. He kept his arm around her, thumb moving lazily across her arm and smiled, resting his cheek on the bed.

"Yeah," he said quietly.

"…Me too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was really fun to write, although it made me realize that, like iwa, i know very little about children.
> 
> thank you for reading! kudos/comments appreciated ♡


	4. piccolo latte

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "you… you don't really talk about her."
> 
> "well, of course not… first of all, she's dead and second of all, y'know… she's dead."

_"What do I do?! What do I—Chi—Chiyo—Chiyoko—Chiyo—Chi—!"_

_"C'mere, baby girl…"_

_Arms still shaking after handing Chiyo to Chiyoko, Oikawa stumbled backwards, legs crumpling beneath him when he felt the edge of the cushion. A strangled sigh escaped him as he leaned forward, elbows digging into his knees and pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. His ears kept ringing from the sound of Chiyo crying; Chiyoko had to take a call and stepped out of the living room for a few minutes, and yet Oikawa managed to somehow upset Chiyo in the time frame, going from a peaceful cooing baby to wailing._

_"She hates me," he muttered weakly, threading his fingers through his hair and feeling his sweaty palms against his forehead, his heart still racing, "my own kid hates me, Tetsu-chan was right, I'm a terrible person, I'm an as—"_

_"Child," Chiyoko murmured and Oikawa stopped talking entirely. She seemed to notice because once Chiyo stopped crying and was sniffling and whimpering cutely, Chiyoko took a seat next to him. "Hey," she said softly, nudging him gently with her elbow. "Come on, Tooru."_

_He shook his head._

_"Please?"_

_After another deep sigh, Oikawa begrudgingly looked up. He was sure he looked terrible; he could tell that his glasses were askew, his hair was messy (and not in the usual effortless, cute sort of way), and his face was probably even more drained than when he'd last seen himself in the mirror an hour ago. But Chiyoko smiled and gently shifted so that she was holding Chiyo in one arm, using her free hand to brush a few strands of hair away from Oikawa's eyes, running a thumb over his cheek afterwards. "Nobody's born knowing how to be the perfect parent. You've always been your biggest critic."_

_"You were," Oikawa mumbled weakly, eyes dropping. "You're perfect with her."_

_Chiyo laughed._

_"Darling, you don't know how wrong you are. That's only because of your selective memory. Here, try holding her again."_

_"What?" Oikawa's head jerked back up, eyes wide and panicked. "What—no, you just got her to stop crying-!"_

_"Are you planning to never hold her?" Chiyoko asked calmly._

_"Well, not until maybe she's like… one!"_

_"…Kids still cry at one, you know."_

_"Yeah, but-!"_

_"Come on, Tooru," she chided again, twisting her body to hand Chiyo to him, entirely ignoring his sputters and protests, "don't be such a coward. Man up."_

_"But—what if—she keeps—you're just-!"_

_"And yet, you're holding her," Chiyoko continued calmly. She was right, but Oikawa's heart was still racing. Chiyo's weight in his arms was comforting, but he was terrified to make even the slightest movement. It was only with Chiyoko's hands pushing his shoulders down and pulling him this way and that that he was able to be in a more comfortable position, entirely engrossed in a staring contest with Chiyo the entire time._

_Oikawa had thought that being in the hospital during the labor was the hardest part, but every minute since they got home seemed progressively more difficult. The first time he'd changed a diaper, Chiyoko had walked in on him hovering over Chiyo, eyes squinting at his phone propped up against a wall with a video playing. She'd asked how he didn't have that memorized, since he was watching it on repeat for two hours the night before, and he answered that panic made him forget everything._

_As it turned out, having a kid was much harder than anticipated. Even something as simple as picking Chiyo up was a challenge; it took Oikawa about three walks around the crib, analyzing angles, before he'd choose one and begin his attempt, at which point Chiyoko usually walked in and did it for him._

_"_ Just pick her up _," she kept saying._

 _"_ But how? _" he kept pressing._

_"See?" Chiyoko cooed, resting her cheek on Oikawa's shoulder and reaching out a finger to stroke Chiyo's cheek. "She's not crying now, is she?"_

_"Because you calmed her down," Oikawa mumbled, tone a bit dazed, entirely entranced with the way Chiyo was staring up at him. His smile faded after another moment and he sighed. "…She hates me."_

_"She doesn't hate you," Chiyoko laughed. "Besides, I think at this point the only thing she knows to feel is hunger." She moved to rest her chin on his shoulder and he looked over, unable to help a smile as he leaned in to steal a kiss._

_"I don't know what I'd do without you," he mumbled quietly, exhaling slowly and resting his forehead against hers. "Especially Chiyo… I don't know how I'd raise her on my own. You're just… you're so much better at—"_

_"Stop," Chiyo instructed and Oikawa obeyed immediately. "It's a steep learning curve, but you're trying and you love her. And that's all anyone can ask of you, okay?"_

_"But you just… know how to do everything," Oikawa continued, looking back to Chiyo with his brow knit. "How—"_

_"I read a lot of books."_

_"I did—"_

_"You did not."_

_"Well," Oikawa huffed, "I skimmed through them,"_

_Chiyoko laughed. "Yeah, that's not really enough to cut it anymore. It's not college, Tooru."_

_Watching the way Chiyoko looked so softly at Chiyo for a moment, Oikawa's gaze went back to their daughter at Chiyoko's delighted gasp and he laughed to see Chiyo's tiny hand wrapped around her finger. Chiyo let go a moment later, yawning and closing her eyes, seeming to be entirely content in Oikawa's arms with a little sigh._

_"Well," he announced softly. "Looks like I can never move."_

_Chiyoko hummed in agreement. When he felt her fingers snake against his rib cage, he lifted an elbow enough so she could thread her arm through. They leaned back against the couch together, Oikawa being careful to not disturb Chiyo, and just kept watching her._

_He felt warm; he had all day, but the warmth now felt like was coming from inside his chest, pervasive and all encompassing. His heart felt full, a stark contrast to earlier, when it felt like it was going to beat out of his chest, or he was going to dehydrate from constantly breaking out in a cold sweat. Chiyo was asleep in his arms, Chiyoko was probably close to drifting off to sleep on his shoulder, and even though Oikawa was wide awake, he felt at peace._

_"I—"_

_He swallowed, felt Chiyoko stir and look up._

_"I l… I lo—"_

_His voice kept cutting off and felt his cheeks flush, gaze focused on Chiyo, unsure why he couldn't bring himself to look at Chiyoko. "I—"_

_"It's okay," he heard and even though her voice was gentle, he felt disappointment clawing at him from inside out. "You don't have to make yourself say it."_

_"…But I d—"_

_"Don't make yourself say it or feel anything," Chiyoko continued. Oikawa finally managed to look over and was unable to return her smile, instead dropping his eyes again._

_"We have the rest of our lives," she murmured with a sigh, resting her cheek on his shoulder again._

_"We have all the time in the world."_

* * *

For the next few weeks, it was like things were back to normal. Iwaizumi routinely saw Oikawa and Chiyo leaving at the same time every morning and coming back at the same general hour every night. There were some weekends or weeknights where Iwaizumi was relaxing with a beer and cigarette and he'd hear the doorbell ring. Chiyo's voice would always follow and Iwaizumi would scramble to put out the cigarette and open the balcony door, try to get rid of the smell as much as he could in the ten seconds he had to open the door.

Luckily, Chiyo didn't seem to notice and Iwaizumi made sure to cover his mouth or not speak directly at her.

Oikawa definitely noticed because the all-knowing asshole had an all-telling smile.

Oikawa didn't seem to have to work the past few weekends, but there were a few times where he had errands to run and would drop Chiyo off at Iwaizumi's for an hour or two. Iwaizumi was glad to realize the heart-pounding panic that came with watching someone else's child seemed to diminish over time, until Chiyo did something new and Iwaizumi could feel his lifespan shortening exponentially.

Things returned to normal and life felt like a predictable, cyclical rhythm once again.

And then after those few weeks, Iwaizumi didn't see Oikawa anymore.

He didn't even see him at the coffee shop; Iwaizumi casually asked his coworkers if they'd seen him, but they'd all said no, commented on how peaceful the café was. It worried Iwaizumi slightly, but then he'd hear Chiyo laughing happily and the soothing tones of Oikawa's answers and feel a little better, even if he hadn't had any visual confirmation of his existence. Iwaizumi knew it would be easy for him to walk over and pretend he needed to borrow something, but he decided to keep his distance. He certainly felt like they were becoming friends, but wasn't sure if they were at the level where he could just show up at Oikawa's apartment without asking beforehand.

Oikawa could—and obviously did—but Iwaizumi didn't have a kid. Also, Oikawa just seemed to lack that general sense of boundary most people had.

Sliding open the heavy door, Iwaizumi stepped on the balcony, leaning backwards and bringing his arms over his head. Cigarette between his teeth and smoke curling from the end, Iwaizumi gave a sigh and dropped his arms after a moment. He craned his neck to stretch out his muscles and the cold morning air was a bit chilly on his still damp hair, having stepped out of a post-run shower not too long ago. He heard a bark and looked over his shoulder; Taro was looking at him from his position on the couch, but soon made himself comfortable again and closed his eyes. Iwaizumi smirked. "Don't blame you. It's still pretty early."

Leaning forward and resting his elbows on the balcony railing, Iwaizumi stared at the sun breaking over the horizon. A breeze had goosebumps rising over his arms and legs, leaving Iwaizumi wondering if he should've grabbed a sweater before coming outside. Hanamaki often told him there was no way he was human for getting up so early, but there was a certain peacefulness that came with being one of the few people up. Tokyo was a busy city, but this hour was a rare exception.

Iwaizumi hated to admit it, but Oikawa was affecting him and his daily life. For one thing, ever since Oikawa had bought a pastry, Iwaizumi had started setting aside that specific kind for around the time Oikawa would normally come in. And when he didn't show, he'd just give it to someone else and try to ignore that he was disappointed to not be pissed off that day. Before that, Iwaizumi barely knew what kind of pastries they had.

He'd gone from wanting to just talk to him over coffee to wanting to spend time with him and it annoyed Iwaizumi that Oikawa not showing up to drive him crazy drove Iwaizumi even more insane. The days where Oikawa didn't show up seemed to drag on forever and the days where he did would have ten-minute intervals that felt like they dragged on to infinity.

Absentmindedly reaching into his pocket to grab his phone, he accidentally slid it out of his pocket too quickly. Iwaizumi scowled and bent down to pick it up as he heard another balcony door sliding open.

Iwaizumi was normally the only one awake at this hour, so it made his frown deepen and when he stood up, he looked to his left, given that he only had neighbors to his left.

Iwaizumi blinked and watched a hand come up to cup an unlit cigarette, brown hair hiding half his face.

"You son of a bitch—you've got a kid! Put that damn thing out!"

In retrospect, Iwaizumi may have had more credibility if smoke wasn't curling from  _his_  lit cigarette.

Oikawa's head jerked up and Iwaizumi didn't know real people's faces could look that stunned.

"What—hey!" Oikawa pointed at him. "You're smoking too!"

"I don't have a kid!" Iwaizumi snapped.

"Chiyo-chan's two doors and an entire living room away!"

"That doesn't matter, you sack of shit!"

Oikawa inhaled, but the sassy rebuttal that Iwaizumi was always prepared for never came. Instead he just gave a frustrated sigh, pushing his bangs back and looking away. Iwaizumi's unexpected victory left him feeling unsatisfied and even a bit guilty as he watched Oikawa close his lighter and shove it back in his pocket; he dropped his head, one hand coming up to muss his hair again, and he could see the cigarette moving as he bit down harshly. "Yeah," Oikawa mumbled in a tight voice as he stepped forward towards the railing. Sighing again, he leaned forward to rest his forearms on the ledge, head bowed. "…You're right."

Still a bit taken back because he'd expected to banter for at least five more minutes, Iwaizumi palmed the back of his neck. He eventually heaved a sigh, biting down on his filter and reaching into his pocket for his lighter. Flicking his wrist expertly to open the device and a few clicks for the flame to spring to life, he stood as close to the edge as he could, hip digging into the cement as he reached his arm out an leaned over. "Oi," he muttered and watched Oikawa look up, "…here."

He watched Oikawa laugh weakly, noticing the slightly languid way he strolled over. Two fingers coming up to steady the cigarette still between his lips, he leaned down, eyes half lidded as he watched Iwaizumi's flame kiss the paper until the filler had a soft, ebbing glow.

"Thanks."

Iwaizumi nodded. Oikawa pulled back first and closing his lighter, Iwaizumi slipped it into his pocket. He took a drag and as he took it from his lips to tap the ashes into a tray, he took the opportunity to steal a glance. For someone as loud and energetic as Oikawa, watching him stand so quietly was a bit shocking. And yet, Iwaizumi was still drawn to him, eyes following the bridge of his nose, the sharp angle of his jaw, the soft tresses of his hair. One hand was in his pocket and the other had two fingers holding the cigarette.

Iwaizumi was still processing the fact that Oikawa smoked, both shocked and also not because he looked so natural doing it.

"Hey," he called quietly and Oikawa hummed in response without looking over. "You doing okay? Haven't seen you in a while."

Oikawa smiled dryly and took another drag. "Keeping tabs on me?" he teased, glancing over, the humor in his voice absent in the rest of his expression.

Iwaizumi snorted, putting his cigarette out on the ashtray. "You singlehandedly provide half our revenue."

He'd hoped for a bigger smile than Oikawa gave. "Yeah, I've been okay," Oikawa answered in the same soft voice. He heaved another sigh and Iwaizumi watched him take a step back and slide down against the glass door, forearms resting on his propped knees. One hand reached up to take the cigarette from his mouth and Iwaizumi's frown deepened as he watched another sigh that deflated his chest.

"You're not even trying to be convincing."

Oikawa shrugged, eyes hidden by his bangs. "Sorry."

"Definitely not sorry."

Oikawa smiled faintly.

Feeling his fingers twitching for another cigarette, Iwaizumi opted to clench his fists instead. "…Is it work?" he ventured slowly.

Oikawa didn't answer, but Iwaizumi could see his shoulders slump even further. The filter was a bit crinkled from his teeth and Oikawa brought a hand to his hair again, pushing it back, revealing his dull eyes fixated on a stray leaf.

"No," he said finally, letting his bangs fall across his forehead again. "No, it's… it's not work."

Oikawa took a look at the cigarette and scowled, flicking it into a corner of the balcony. "It's—it's everything. The faucet's leaking but by the time I get a moment of peace and quiet to fix it, I'm either ready to crash or Chiyo-chan's about to wake up, this is the third time someone's taken my newspaper, Chiyo-chan is going through this phase where she refuses to screw the cap back on anything, the upstairs neighbors must have titanium on their feet, Chiyo-chan's finding it fun to randomly pounce on me when I  _do_  sleep and also to spit peas back in my face, it's… I… I'm just—"

Cutting off abruptly, Oikawa brought his hands to his face, exhaling deeply again, a clear dip between his shoulder blades as he leaned forward. Oikawa took a deep breath and dropped his hands, keeping his eyes closed for a moment. When he opened them, Iwaizumi could see how glassy they were. He pushed his bangs back again, this time his hand remaining where it was as he stared blankly at the sky.

Iwaizumi's hand was twitching again, but not for a cigarette.

"…I love her more than anything in the world," he said, voice cracking. "She's the light of my life and I can't imagine being without her. But… I don't know how to do this. I had all these plans for my life and being a father at twenty-five… being a father wasn't even going to be  _on_  the list for several more years. But it's not even about what I'm giving up, I… what if I'm not doing a good job? What if I'm not enough? She needs her mother— _I_  need Chiyoko back, because she's always just had better instinct than me. I wanna give Chiyo-chan everything, but I can't even give her Chiyoko—"

"Stand up," Iwaizumi interrupted.

Oikawa blinked, looked over in surprise. "…What?"

"Stand the fuck up," Iwaizumi grumbled, running a hand through his hair.

Oikawa obeyed.

"Now get the fuck away."

"…That's really not nice—"

"No, you asshole, I mean literally move  _away_."

The reservations that were clear on his face quickly gave way to terror when Iwaizumi brought a small stool over to the edge, using it to step onto the edge of his balcony. Oikawa was sputtering something that Iwaizumi ignored; he kept one foot firmly on the stool, the other experimentally resting on the concrete. Eyes judging the distance, he took a deep breath and pushed off; the back of his heel barely managed to land on Oikawa's ledge, and he fell forward, body colliding with Oikawa's.

Managing to catch himself after stumbling a few steps, Iwaizumi pulled back first and glared at Oikawa, still staring at him. Iwaizumi grabbed a fistful of his shirt and shook him, a bit amused at how Oikawa was still gaping (it became clear where Chiyo learned that facial expression.) "You're annoying," he started and Oikawa just stared at him, finally closing his mouth, "and you know why you're annoying? Because you're simultaneously the most arrogant and humble person I know. How the fuck can the same person who thought a long shot was pouring a shot slowly is the same person who doesn't think he's a good dad?"

"T-to be fair, if you poured it slowly, it would take a long time, hence—"

"Shut up."

"O-okay…"

"You moved so Chiyo could be closer to her daycare and a playground. You've arranged your apartment to make it both convenient and safe for her. You've got the bare minimum for yourself, but you've spoiled her ridiculously. You crawl up and down that dirty ass hallway on your hands and knees to play pretend with Chiyo. No matter how exhausted you are, whenever you're with her, you're always trying your best to smile and make her happy. You're not a bad dad, Oikawa, not even close. You're a fucking idiot, but everything you do is for your kid."

Letting go, Iwaizumi took a step back, watched Oikawa stumble a bit.

"So don't give me crap about not doing enough or not giving her everything. No kid expects that—at least not when they learn how to be logical. You're not perfect. You're not god. You're not even a decent human, really, but you're honestly trying your best, and that's anyone can ask for. And you're a  _good_  dad. Don't ever think otherwise."

When he stopped talking, Iwaizumi felt a sense of awkwardness blanket them. Oikawa still hadn't said anything; Iwaizumi wasn't even sure if he'd blinked and cleared his throat, fidgeting as he looked away. "…Stop staring, dumbass. You look like a fish."

The tension was still heavy, but when he heard Oikawa laughing, he couldn't help but smile, felt all the weight immediately lift. He looked over to see Oikawa's shoulders shaking, one hand brought up to his mouth and the other folded across his chest. "Shut up," he grumbled, unable to help but smile himself.

"First Iwa-chan jumps like a superhero onto my balcony and then gives a speech like that? Hadn't realized you were the protagonist of some sappy teenage love story."

"Then stop crying, like in a sappy teenage love story."

Oikawa sniffled, but was still smiling as he wiped at his eyes. "I'll call this a draw."

Iwaizumi scoffed, but didn't argue it and looked outwards towards the city. "Is Chiyo still asleep?"

"She's with my sister for the week," Oikawa answered easily. "They left a few days ago to go to my mom's. She was complaining about not seeing her granddaughter."

Iwaizumi nodded. He straightened suddenly and smirked when he saw the way Oikawa flinched. "Don't move suddenly like that, Iwa-chan… gargoyles are scary."

"…Fuck you," he muttered, glaring again at Oikawa's smile. "You don't work today, right?"

He shook his head.

"Great," he nodded. "Get dressed. We're going out."

Oikawa blinked and frowned. "What? Where?"

"I don't know. Probably meet up with Hanamaki and Matsukawa. Chiyo's gone and I can't in good conscience leave you sulking and crying at home, so let's go. You're an ugly crier."

Oikawa huffed.

"Tough words for someone who probably just locked himself out of his apartment unless he balcony hops again."

Iwaizumi was quiet for a few moments.

"…Goddamnit."

* * *

"Hey, Iwaizumi, remember when in high school, you got drunk and stripped—"

"I'll shove this glass up your ass if you finish that sentence, Hanamaki."

Iwaizumi was focused on glaring at Hanamaki, but it was hard to ignore the way Oikawa laughed, catching sight of him bringing a hand up to his mouth from the corner of his eye. After apologizing for waking the landlord up at an ungodly hour to let him back in (refusing to let Oikawa break in for fear it would only be the first of many), Iwaizumi had dragged Oikawa to the nearby gym, passing the morning by with playing volleyball until Matsukawa was awake. At that point, Iwaizumi instructed him through text that they were going to grab lunch, to which he agreed, and also told him to wake Hanamaki up, which he also agreed to do.

Iwaizumi had expected to just casually toss a ball around with Oikawa, since neither of them played past the first couple years of college, but the moment Oikawa delivered a killer serve, Iwaizumi accused him of lying about his knee and also wanted to spike a ball so hard it would do his face in.

They showed up to lunch, both of them with red palms and forearms.

"Come on, you don't want your neighbor to know what you were like in high school?" Hanamaki smirked again and elbowed Matsukawa. "You think Oikawa should know, right?"

Matsukawa nodded.

"Well, of course you're-!"

"Tell me, tell me," Oikawa interrupted, leaning forward with an excited grin. "What was Iwa-chan like in high school? Surely not as grouchy as he is today, right?"

Hanamaki and Matsukawa exchanged looks that Iwaizumi didn't appreciate, but before he could threaten him again, a cheerful ringtone sounded. Iwaizumi blinked; his ringtone had always been the default (mainly because he couldn't figure out how to change it), and he knew Hanamaki and Matsukawa well enough that they'd never have a bubbly melody like that. The more he listened to it, the more he could see it as the opening for some kind of cartoon and wondered what sort of self respecting adult would actually use that.

"Oh, sorry, that's me," Oikawa said nonchalantly, pulling his phone out.

Iwaizumi stared at him.

"…Of course it is."

Oikawa shot him a grin, completing the utterly annoying expression with a wink, before excusing himself and standing. Iwaizumi heard 'Ayumi?' right before he disappeared around the corner. Gaze lingering at the spot where Oikawa had last been, Iwaizumi turned back to see his two friends staring at him from across the booth. He scowled immediately and picked up his water. "What?"

"You two are chummy," Hanamaki was the first to say, smirk widening. "What was that about getting over him? I think the goal is still to get under him."

Iwaizumi could feel the back of his neck flushing. "Shut the—it's not like that, he has a bad morning."

"I'd say you're making it better. You could also give him a great night if—"

"Can you stop? There are fucking children here."

"Exactly, Iwaizumi."

"Shut up, Matsukawa."

Annoyed that his friends exchanged victorious smirks, Iwaizumi leaned back, arms crossed, and stared at his empty plate, save some crumbs and condiments. They'd gone to a tonkatsu place and Oikawa decided that it would be fun to draw a smiley face with the sauce, at which Iwaizumi had snapped at him to not waste food.

Naturally, Oikawa ignored him.

Turning to look out the window, Iwaizumi watched people cross the street once the light turned. A sea of people began to move all at once; they looked tiny and Iwaizumi realized that every single one of these tiny people had their own story to tell. It was amazing, he thought, how every single person had something, and nobody else knew it, not unless they shared it. There were so many experiences that people didn't know about and when Iwaizumi glanced at where Oikawa had been sitting, he wondered just how much more he didn't know.

A lot more, he realized.

"You listening?"

"Huh?"

"That's a no," Hanamakai muttered and Iwaizumi glared. "I asked how the kid is. Chiyo, right? You still scare her?"

"It's not like I do it on purpose," Iwaizumi snapped tiredly, rubbing his face. He could hear Matsukawa laugh quietly.

"Kids have an innate sense, don't they? You're a good person. If anyone can tell, it'll be her."

Iwaizumi mustered a weak smile as he sat up and leaned forward, pressing his elbows to the table. "I mean, she's fine," he started, rubbing the inner corner of an eye. "She's cute. I don't know many kids, but I think she's definitely one of the best ones. She's always laughing and stares at you like you know everything—probably even with you, Hanamaki—"

"Thanks, asshole."

"And she's got Oikawa wrapped around her little finger," Iwaizumi smirked. "…But yeah. She's a good kid."

"Sounds like you really like her," Matsukawa commented and Iwaizumi shrugged again.

"Yeah. Surprising, but yeah. I think anyone would."

When he heard no response, Iwaizumi looked up again and was met with two Cheshire cat style grins and was tempted to paint their faces with condiments. He scowled and caught sight of Oikawa heading back into the restaurant and making his way back towards them, unsure when he'd even stepped out.

"Well, that's good. The kid likes you, so you're basically in."

"What?" Iwaizumi's eyes narrowed. "We're just friends, if that, I'm not—"

"You're totally flirting with him," Hanamaki answered with a laugh. "I mean, you've always been bad at it and you're best at it when you're not realizing you're doing it. So it's working out well."

"I'm  _not_ ," Iwaizumi pressed, lowering his voice when Oikawa was just a few tables away. "Seriously, stop—"

"I mean, I don't get why you're so upset over it," he continued nonchalantly, shrugging. "Because he's definitely flirting back."

Iwaizumi froze, blinked in surprise just as Oikawa returned, sitting down and smiling brightly. "Sorry about that, my sister called and I had to take it in case it was about Chiyo-chan. So, Iwa-chan in high school. Please, do tell."

"I'll kill you," Iwaizumi mumbled warningly.

"Yeah, but not in public, so you're out of luck, buddy," Hanamaki smirked and looked back to Oikawa. "You wanna hear about the first time Iwaizumi tried—and failed—to ask someone out?"

Oikawa beamed, called the waitress over.

"Hi, yeah, could we get the dessert menu and some coffees? We'll be here for a while."

* * *

_"Sorry to wake you at four on a weekday, Iwa-chan! I know how grandpas need their sleep!"_

_"…"_

Like most other people, Iwaizumi would occasionally go out to have a drink with his coworkers. That was how things were, and so when Oikawa asked if he could watch Chiyo again because he had to go out with his coworkers, he'd nodded and opened the door to let Chiyo toddle in and immediately head towards Taro. As usual, Oikawa apologized for the inconvenience but Iwaizumi said it was fine.

The only thing that changed this time was the way Oikawa was looking at him before leaving.

As usual, Chiyo was relatively easy to take care of. Oikawa hadn't been expecting to be going out, so he informed Iwaizumi that leftovers were in his refrigerator for dinner, and so Iwaizumi and Chiyo had spent most of the evening at Oikawa's, bringing Taro along. They had walked Taro back to his apartment (the whole ten meters) and then Iwaizumi, miraculously, managed to put Chiyo to bed, deciding that Oikawa would be fine with her missing one bath for the sake of Iwaizumi's sanity. Getting her to brush her teeth and wash her face had proved difficult enough and after so many stories he felt like his voice was going to give out, Iwaizumi staggered back over to the couch, left the television on anything that wasn't an animation for children under the age of ten, and closed his eyes.

Oikawa had come in for his daily coffee earlier that day, this time lingering a bit longer than usual to tease him with his newfound treasure trove of knowledge. A couple of weeks had passed since that lunch and Iwaizumi had hoped Oikawa would run out of stories, but, unfortunately for Iwaizumi, his friends thoroughly enjoyed reliving their past. Like most people, Iwaizumi had tried to block out the most embarrassing moments from his youth, but his friends had no problem dredging them back up to divulge to Satan. And now Satan was here, with his latte, using every humiliating memory against him.

_"Don't worry, Iwa-chan! You needn't apologize with a live band. A coffee's enough."_

_"Oh? Like the time you were giving a presentation in class but Hanamaki thought it would be funny to replace your slides with, well, to be fair, they were still related to biology…"_

_"But you're wearing underwear today, right? There are easier ways to relive your youth than streaking through the soccer field after just a few beers."_

Iwaizumi had hoped to keep that one lunch their only meeting, but it turned out that the three of them had exchanged phone numbers because Iwaizumi woke up the next morning to find he'd been added to a group chat.

He seriously considered throwing his phone into the ocean at that point.

Jerking when he heard a door slam shut and his name in a sing-song voice, Iwaizumi sat up groggily in time for Oikawa to fall onto him. He grunted and reached out, palming the surrounding area until he found his phone and checked the time, squinting at the bright display. It was well after midnight; he hadn't realized he'd fallen asleep. He craned his neck to make sure Chiyo's door was closed.

"Hey, asshole," he mumbled, managing to push Oikawa off of him and help him sit up. A waft of sake and beer immediately overpowered him and he recoiled, nose wrinkling. "Jesus—all right, let's get you to bed. Didn't think I'd have to put both of you to sleep…"

"Iwa-chan, Iwa-chan… you're a real good guy, y'know?"

"I'd leave you for dead if it weren't for Chiyo."

"A good, good guy…" Oikawa drawled, head lolling about and Iwaizumi watching, slightly afraid it would just fall right off. "Good… good… good like Chiyoko…"

Oikawa's arm was already around his neck and Iwaizumi was about to stand up for both of them, freezing at the mention of her name. Oikawa was still humming, head still rolling like it was barely attached to him, and Iwaizumi swallowed. "…Chiyoko, huh," he started slowly, grip on his hand loosening. "You… you don't really talk about her."

"Well, of course not… first of all, she's dead and second of all, y'know… she's dead," Oikawa mumbled, head finally staying still. He looked at Iwaizumi through his half-lidded eyes, one corner of his lips quirked higher than the other. "Iwa-chan… you ever tell a girl you love her? Not even just a girl… you ever tell anyone you love 'em?"

A bit surprised at the question, mind still reeling from the fact Oikawa was talking about her, Iwaizumi took a moment but cleared his throat and nodded. "Uh… yeah. Yeah, I have."

"Good guy…" Oikawa sighed theatrically, reached a hand up to pat Iwaizumi's cheek. "Good, good… 'cause I never did," he announced. "Not only never to Chiyoko… never to  _anyone_."

Oikawa laughed, swaying so much he almost fell off if Iwaizumi hadn't wrapped an arm around his waist to keep him steady. "I'm the worst, aren't I?" he sighed, head bowed.

A bit taken-aback, Iwaizumi stared at him. Really, he couldn't help but wonder, never? For someone like Oikawa, he had thought that words like that would be easy to say, even if he didn't truly mean them. Oikawa came off as the sort of person who would shower whomever he was dating with affections and flowery phrases, and yet, the longer he processed this information, the more sense it made. As grandiose as he was, Oikawa was very careful to never cross a boundary of privacy he'd set. He regaled all sorts of stories, and yet when it came to his personal life and his feelings, he seldom said anything.

"No," he said quietly and gazed calmly when Oikawa turned to him. "…You're not. It's not easy to say."

Oikawa stared for a moment longer before smiling in a way that didn't reach his eyes and left Iwaizumi's chest aching. "Iwa-chan, I could kill someone and you'd forgive me," he mumbled and Iwaizumi didn't answer that.

"I did, though," he continued easily, leaning back and Iwaizumi let go of his arm, let him have it back. "I… yeah. I did. Of course I did, she gave me Chiyo-chan… ahh, I'm bad, I'm really bad… but… sometimes I wonder…"

Breaking off again, he looked at Iwaizumi in that same unreadable way he'd looked at him after dropping off Chiyo earlier that day. "That almost indescribable love you feel for someone… I don't know if that's what I felt. And that… makes me terrible."

Oikawa looked away and Iwaizumi finally exhaled, leaning back into the couch next to him. He stared at the quiet television, blue light filling the darkened living room, and drummed his fingers against his arm. Oikawa was drunk out of his mind, Iwaizumi could tell, because he seldom brought up Chiyoko. Part of him felt like he should put him to sleep, leave him with some water and the trash can, but the other part was telling him to stay put, recognized this as a rare opportunity to get to look behind a door that Oikawa had at least ten different locks on.

"Mm… Iwa-chan!"

Iwaizumi jolted. "What the fuck—what?!"

"Iwa-chan, d'you be a little bit in love with someone?" he asked, looking at him again. "Just… just a bit. Maybe more than a bit. Maybe half. Forty percent? Sixty? Sixty one… sixty two, sixty three, sixty four—"

"I'm not gonna sit here while your drunken as fuck brain figures out counting," Iwaizumi snapped.

Oikawa laughed, bringing a hand up to his face. And as Iwaizumi watched him keep laughing, he could both see and hear it slowly fade, until it was almost silent again, just Oikawa's last few hiccups, head bowing and hand still to his face. "…We were so young," he mumbled and Iwaizumi nodded, feeling stupid afterwards because Oikawa's eyes were closed. "Not… not just with Chiyo-chan. I mean, yeah, with Chiyo-chan. But… when we started dating, it… we didn't think it was going to be serious. Because how many people know when they start dating someone if it's gonna last? Even if you think it will, there's no certainty, yeah?"

Iwaizumi nodded, then remembered. "Yeah."

"We'd only been together… not even a year. She was—she was the cute girl in my class. She wasn't… I… I think I loved her, I really started to, but—"

He dropped his hand and when he looked up, Iwaizumi could see how glassy his eyes were.

"I never told her how I felt and… and now I can't. And what if I feel that way about someone else again? What if… what if I feel stronger about someone else than I did for her? How is that fair? How the hell is that fair, when she gave me everything and I never had the chance to tell her and now I never can, because I was a coward and I was weak and I—"

Shaking voice cutting off abruptly, Iwaizumi looked away as Oikawa brought his hands up to his face again and barely managed to hold back a sob. "I'm the worst… I'm the worst person in the world, Chiyo-chan deserves better,  _Chiyoko_  deserved better, I hate the asshole, I fucking hate them, I hate they got away with it, I hate they'll never be punished, I… I… I should've been the one to—"

"Hey," Iwaizumi interrupted, grabbing Oikawa's hands and forcing them away from his face so that he could look at him. "Hey. Oikawa. You fucking idiot. Don't say that, okay? Don't say that  _ever_. It's awful what happened to Chiyoko and, yeah, you're right, it's bullshit that person got away with it. But you can't say that. Look, you can't even fucking  _think_  that, because you have a little girl in that room who sees you as her everything, so don't you ever wish that you weren't here. She needs you."

"She'd have Chiyoko," Oikawa muttered in a small voice.

"But she wouldn't have  _you_  and as much of a goddamn nuisance you are, you're her  _hero_. You're irreplaceable. You both are. You're not lesser than Chiyoko to Chiyo, okay? Don't be an ass. Chiyoko's probably an angel and you're actual Satan. But to Chiyo, you're her dad."

Oikawa stared at him silently for what felt like a full minute before he relaxed, this time the smile showing in his eyes. He laughed, mumbled 'stupid Iwa-chan's speeches' under his breath and Iwaizumi smirked, sitting up and helping Oikawa to do the same. "Let's get you to bed," he murmured, slinging Oikawa's arm around his shoulders again, one hand holding his wrist and the other around his waist. Hoisting him up, they stumbled into Oikawa's room together and Iwaizumi unceremoniously dumped him onto the bed, Oikawa's hooked arm around his neck causing him to fall over too.

He was dangerously close; Iwaizumi had an arm supporting himself, but Oikawa's face was just inches away from his. And his arm wasn't moving; Iwaizumi found himself immobilized in that position, one leg between Oikawa's and able to feel Oikawa's hot breath against his lips.

It would've been easy for Iwaizumi to pull back. Oikawa didn't have his arm around Iwaizumi's neck like some sort of vice grip; in fact, it had moved and his forearm was now pressed to his shoulder, Oikawa's fingers playing with Iwaizumi's hair and sending chills down his spine. He murmured Iwaizumi's name in such a soft whisper that he felt it louder to read from his lips, unable to linger his gaze on his mouth.

"Iwa-chan," he repeated, voice smooth and low, almost causing Iwaizumi to shudder. He smiled and his eyes crinkled, gazing at Iwaizumi as if he were searching for something. "Iwa-chan… you have…  _no_  idea how much you mean to me…"

And then the fingers that were in his hair had moved to his cheek, dancing across his jaw before being replaced with his palm. It was hard for Iwaizumi to say if it had been Oikawa who pulled him down or if Iwaizumi had leaned in, but their lips had pressed together and time felt like it had disappeared entirely.

Oikawa's lips were just as smooth as Iwaizumi would have expected, taste of alcohol on his tongue even stronger than he imagined. But that didn't stop him from kissing him, wanting to inhale every moment of this. Iwaizumi hoisted him further up the bed so that they were on it more comfortably; he could feel one of Oikawa's knees brush against his hip as he shifted under him.

His moans were maddening; Oikawa's hands were everywhere, on his face, in his hair, moving down his body and scratching at the skin just barely above the hem of his jeans. Iwaizumi could barely stop kissing him long enough to gasp for air his lungs desperately needed. Oikawa was addictive and kissing him proved to be more dangerous than he had imagined; he couldn't bring himself to stop, wanting to kiss him more, until their lips werebruised, until their lungs had exploded.

But when he felt their hips grind together and Oikawa's fingers move to his zipper, Iwaizumi pulled back with a gasp, immediately bringing the back of his hand to his lips as he stumbled back until he hit the wall. Oikawa pushed himself up on his elbows and stared at him, hair tousled and shirt rumpled, brow knit. "Iwa—"

"S-sorry," Iwaizumi stammered, breaking eye contact and clearing his throat. "I—I'm gonna go. I…"

Iwaizumi pushed off the wall and stumbled out of Oikawa's bedroom, slipping into his shoes and out of the apartment. He hurriedly unlocked his door and threw it open, slamming it shut behind, never once looking back, unable to unsee the way Oikawa was looking at him.

After engaging the deadbolt and turning the lock, he took a deep breath and sank down to the floor, back pressed against the door. He brought his hands to his face and took a shuddered breath, bowing his head and running his hands through his hair as he swore quietly.

His skin still felt like it was on fire from being so close to Oikawa. Whenever he closed his eyes, all he could think of was how Oikawa's lips had felt against his.

Iwaizumi swallowed thickly, brought a hand to his mouth, pressed the back of his knuckles to his lips and closed his eyes again, brow knit as he sighed again.

"…Fuck."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i recently started hawaii five-0 and watching danny with his daughter kept making me think about an iwaoi single dad au and then i was like 'wait a minute...'
> 
> sorry for a very belated chapter, but thank you for reading! kudos/comments appreciated ♡


	5. iced hazelnut macchiato

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "as a human being, you are the embodiment of a dumbass."

_Oikawa's favorite number, obviously, was one. So by default, he preferred odd numbers. One. Three. Five. Seven. He'd never had anything against even numbers, he just liked it better when there was at least one odd number._

_Then he found a reason._

_"Oikawa. Hey. Open the door."_

_Oikawa closed his eyes and let his head fall back, barely registering the pain that followed the thumping sound. Through the bathroom door, he could hear Kuroo sigh, imagining him hanging his head and lacing his fingers, pressing them to the back of his neck._

_"Well, at least we know you're alive. How's… what?" Kuroo's voice became more distant and Oikawa leaned forward again, forearms on his knees and head between them. "Yeah, he's in there. No, I hear sounds. He's stopped throwing up though. Found him hunched over and half dead at the bar close to campus this morning."_

_He could hear Kuroo scuffling and eventually his footsteps fading, sounds replaced with cabinets open and closing, along with his stove clicking. Swallowing and wincing at the sour taste in his mouth, Oikawa pushed himself up unsteadily; he stumbled and braced an arm against the wall. As his head spun, he used his free hand to push his bangs away from his forehead. A few strands remained stubbornly plastered to his skin from cold sweat, his palms feeling just as clammy._

_He turned slowly and took the one step to cross the distance to the sink, pressed his palms to the counter and curled his fingers over the edge. He had to wait a moment before mustering the little energy he had to turn on the faucet. He cupped his hands and then bowed to rinse his mouth a couple of times, coughing afterwards and straightening again, turning off the water and looked at himself in the mirror._

_When he'd been little, Oikawa had liked to observe people and then say things to see if he could steer their reactions. After doing this for the better part of a decade, Oikawa had gotten good at it; he could tell someone's mood a smile that held a too long or had a twitch; this had always been easier with people he knew, but practice made perfect and soon even strangers couldn't deceive him._

_But a life's worth of practice wasn't needed for Oikawa to know what the surgeon's dragged steps and tired eyes meant. From the moment the double doors swung open, Oikawa exhaled deeply one last time before his breaths grew shallow, nodding numbly as he watched the surgeon's lips move. The blood pounding in his ears overpowered any other sound and everything in his vision was blurred except the bright hospital lights and March 4 displayed prominently on his phone._

_He'd woken up that morning to a glass of milk and his favorite pastry on the nightstand, Chiyoko having left a handwritten note to sweetly inform him of chores that he should be able to get around to on his day off. Oikawa had happily munched on his breakfast, tossed the note into his drawer, and promptly went back to sleep. Chiyo was spending some time with Chiyoko's parents; Oikawa had been nervous at the idea of being alone with her for an entire day, and was guiltily relieved when Chiyoko said her parents wanted to pick her up._

_The last text he'd gotten from Chiyoko was that she was on the way home. When more than an hour had passed for a twenty minute walk, Oikawa had assumed she'd gotten sidetracked, maybe had a sudden craving she went to satiate somewhere. When his phone rang, he'd been expecting it to be Chiyoko, and so didn't even glance to see who was calling when he answered._

_It was a female's voice, but it wasn't Chiyoko's, and when he heard the words 'accident' and 'critical condition,' Oikawa was already flying out the door._

_Everything from that point on was a blur. Nurses explained that she'd been hit at a crosswalk; the driver had fled the scene and the police had no leads, but were trying to pull any video footage from surrounding security cameras to find them. He remembered bursting into the hospital, pacing nervously until Kuroo and Kenma arrived, shaking his head when Kuroo asked if he wanted to be the one to talk to Chiyoko's parents, who were still hours away by train._

_He felt both hot and cold, sweat gathering in his palms and chills running down his spine. The first real tangible feeling he had was throwing up into his toilet and collapsing onto his cold tiled floor, weakly pushing away Kuroo and a wet washcloth. Kenma's touch had always been gentler, but in the current situation, Kuroo was much more effective._

_He remembered Kuroo and Kenma dragging him back, each taking one arm to support him. The three of them came through the doorway and he immediately heard Ayumi start to berate him, raising her voice even more so if he ever yelled back. There was one night where Ayumi had been taking extra care to keep her voice level, as Oikawa could tell from the way she was glaring, but he'd raised his and heard a crying from another room. From then on, the two of them stopped talking to each other._

_Groaning at a rise of nausea despite his emptied stomach, Oikawa's shaking arms gave out and his forearms collided against the counter, the edges digging into his skin. His head started spinning again from the sudden movement and he took a deep breath, racked his brain for the date._

_But then, he thought, it didn't matter. He didn't care what day it was, because that would just mean it was the nth day of a life without Chiyoko. The nth day of the rest of his life without her to teach him how to take care of her daughter. The nth day of what felt like an everlasting whirlwind of misery and tornado of anger at the world for continuing on when it took her away from him._

_Thinking about Chiyo sent a new, stronger bout of nausea through him, and Oikawa bowed his head until his forehead grazed the back of his hands. He hadn't seen her since Chiyoko's parents picked her up; she was back, he knew, but no one had let him see her. Oikawa would've laughed if he could; it was a good thing that they didn't, because he'd hate for one of Chiyo's childhood memories to be her father chugging and regurgitating whiskey._

_It wasn't only the nth day without Chiyoko for Oikawa. It was the nth day without Chiyoko for Chiyo, and she didn't know what was going on. Likewise, Oikawa didn't either. He didn't know what each cry meant. He didn't know what her scrunched nose was supposed to imply. He didn't know anything about his own daughter, and so heavily relied on Chiyoko for that._

_Oikawa, as a person, could exist in a world without Chiyoko, but he didn't know how to be a father without her to guide him._

_Whispering another swear under his breath, Oikawa straightened slowly, wincing at the effort. He heard a soft thud from the other side of the door and pinched the bridge of his nose, about to snap at Kuroo to go away when he heard a soft cooing._

_He felt his heart skip a beat._

_When he heard the cooing sound again and no sounds to indicate anyone coming to get Chiyo, Oikawa turned on the faucet to splash water on his face, patting it dry with a towel and looking himself over in the mirror, acknowledging that while he didn't look his best, he didn't look like he could inspire any nightmares either. Swallowing thickly, he opened the door slowly and looked down to see Chiyo sitting precariously, staring up at him and reaching her arms up._

_Stomach twisting as he bent down slowly and picked her up, Oikawa was still deciding between fighting or fleeing. Picking up Chiyo, for Oikawa, was like a game of Russian Roulette, except all chambers were loaded except for one._

_But today was his lucky day and she smiled at him and he was surprised at how easily he could smile back._

_"Hey," he murmured, moving to be able to lean his weight against a wall. He used a free hand to support her back. "Haven't seen you in a bit."_

_Chiyo yawned and then put one warm, sticky palm on Oikawa's cheek. He closed his eyes and instinctively leaned into the touch, losing himself for a moment. When he opened his eyes again, he managed to wiggle his eyebrows, something that always made her giggle happily._

_"It's…" Oikawa trailed off and swallowed, willed the hotness pressing to the back of his eyes to disseminate. "…It's gonna be just you and me now. You good with that? Mama's…"_

_He took a deep breath._

_"…Mama's not coming back. But she loved… she loves you. And I'm going to make sure that you grow up knowing that."_

_He watched Chiyo stare at him for a moment longer before looking around the bathroom, as if it were her first time. By the time she decided to go back to looking at him. Oikawa's heart rate had settled into a slightly more comfortable rhythm to beat in._

_"You think you can be a good girl for Papa?" he asked quietly, tilting his head and offering a smile as he adjusted his hold on her._

_Watching Chiyo's mouth open again, he expected more blubbering or, worst case scenario, a high pitched shriek. Instead, he could see her move her lips, enunciating 'papa' and then staring at him. Oikawa's breath caught and he kept staring at her before he laughed for the first time in days, hugging her tightly and kissing the top of her head._

_He heard a muffled but more confident 'papa' and laughed again, sniffling and pulling back to be able to kiss her cheek. "Yeah," he mumbled as he pressed a kiss to her forehead, "that's my girl. You're gonna be a genius, aren't you?"_

_When he heard another laugh, he looked up to see Kuroo with his hands in his pockets and a grin._

_"Looks like I won the bet on Chiyo's first words."_

* * *

The first time he woke up, Oikawa ran to the bathroom to throw up, texted Kuroo to pick up Chiyo and take her to the zoo for the day, and immediately went back to bed.

The second time when he woke up, the overwhelming need to vomit wasn't there to cloud his mind, and all the memories of the prior night flooded him in an unfortunate fashion. He then proceeded to bury his face in his pillow and wondered if it would be easier to start over with fake identities or make a time machine.

Hearing his phone chime, he tossed the pillow away from his face, pushing himself up to grab the device. Kuroo had texted him; he frowned and rubbed an eye as he skimmed the messages, only about halfway through when he heard his door open and a joyous screech fill the apartment.

Oikawa put his phone back and lied calmly in bed to wait for his demise, which soon appeared at his door in the six foot one form of Kuroo Tetsurou.

He grinned.

"Hey."

Oikawa sighed.

"Do me a favor, Tetsu-chan. Make it quick and painless."

"Nah, we all know you don't deserve that. Kenma, you'll be okay?"

Oikawa heard nothing, which was Kenma's way of saying yes, and watched as Kuroo stepped in and closed the door behind him. He shrugged off his jacket and made himself comfortable on the unoccupied side of Oikawa's bed, giving a content sigh, folding his fingers over his stomach and closing his eyes.

Oikawa was still waiting.

"So the zoo's closed," Kuroo provided.

"Helpful to know."

"Yeah. I texted you. You saw?"

"All fifteen messages."

"You noted the time stamps, right? I gave you a good three hour heads up before we came back."

"I was asleep for two and a half."

"That's not my fault. Hope your aspirin's kicked in."

"Not enough in the world to deal with you."

"That's probably word-for-word what I've said to you at some point."

"It is."

Another silence elapsed. Oikawa could clearly hear Chiyo screaming at Kenma about chickens and cows, hearing Kenma's calm mumbled answers. They seemed to please Chiyo, because she kept giggling. Maybe she had discovered her calling in life to be a farmer, Oikawa thought. Maybe a trip to a farm was warranted, and he'd make Kuroo tag along in case Chiyo wanted to throw mud at someone.

"So," Kuroo continued airily, "let's talk about what happened last night."

This was it.

Oikawa rolled onto his side, back to him. "Let's not."

Kuroo laughed good-naturedly, a stark contrast to the harsh grip he now had on Oikawa's arm as he forced him to roll back over onto his back. "Ah, but we will. So what's up? You go out drinking often, but usually know to stop so you can take care of your kid the next morning."

"What," Oikawa mumbled and turned his face away, "accusing me of crap parenting now?"

"Of course not," Kuroo answered in a gentler tone. "You're a good dad, Oikawa, It's just… I… I know what day's coming up. It's always hard around this time."

Swallowing thickly, Oikawa nodded, giving a sigh and opening his eyes, staring up at the ceiling. "…Yeah."

"So…" Kuroo ventured slowly. "…Is that it? Just the… anniversary? Nothing else on your mind?"

Again, Oikawa decided to not answer. Oikawa usually planned some kind of a special outing for Chiyo in early March every year to take his mind off of the elephant in the room. It was usually the zoo, sometimes Disneyland if Oikawa had managed to save enough. He'd try to do something to not only take his mind off of it, but also make Chiyo happy so he wouldn't eternally associate sadness with the date.

But this year, with work having gotten hectic, he hadn't had the time to. And with Iwaizumi there, just being so annoyingly kind and understanding despite his rough personality, Oikawa had been so overwhelmed he'd let himself drink too much.

"You like him, don't you?" Kuroo asked quietly. Oikawa neglected to answer, but he knew Kuroo already knew the answer. Iwaizumi's name hadn't been verbally confirmed, but it was obvious and Oikawa tensed when he heard Kuroo mumble his name.

"Yeah," Oikawa answered eventually, sighing and feeling a slight relief at finally being able to admit it. "…I do."

Kuroo hummed and Oikawa managed a small smile, feeling a gentle jab of Kuroo's elbow to his arm. "Yeah, I had a feeling when you kept going to the same place to flirt with the barista."

Oikawa laughed weakly. "Tetsu-chan, not to incriminate myself, but I flirt with basically everyone."

"That's true. You flirted with me too."

"Before I realized that, one, you're with Pudding-chan, and two, you're you."

"Let's be real. It was my personality, wasn't it?"

"You shouldn't be so smug about a vile personality, Tetsu-chan…"

Oikawa's smile faded and he turned away when Kuroo started talking again. "But you don't often flirt with the same person multiple times," he said.

Kuroo had been witness to all of Oikawa's college relationships, being his friend and all, meaning he'd watched all of them from start to finish, seen how Oikawa was at the beginning and how he was at the end. There was nobody better than Kuroo at telling how much Oikawa liked someone and knowing that, right now, was not comforting for Oikawa. Kuroo was right, and everything he said was what Oikawa already knew, and had just refused to acknowledge until now.

"So," Kuroo continued, entirely unfazed by Oikawa's lack of responses, "what's holding you back?"

Oikawa finally turned to stare at him.

Kuroo stared back for several moments before his eyes widened and his expression changed. "…Oh. You're… it's Chiyoko."

"I can't get over her," Oikawa mumbled with a groan, rubbing his face and turning away. "Because it's not like she dumped me. I've  _been_  dumped. I know that when that happens, it takes time but eventually I can move over someone because there's closure. But…. there's no closure with Chiyoko. She was ripped away from me and that's… there's never gonna be closure in that."

This time, Kuroo was the one who didn't answer. Oikawa tried to focus on his breathing, inhaling through his nose, exhaling through his mouth, a tactic basically every therapist he'd seen told him about.

It still wasn't working.

It made things worse. The deep breaths cleared his mind, which then made Oikawa feel everything more potently, every emotion he'd tried to repress and ignore. He didn't want to keep breathing if it meant living and feeling this way. It made him have to confront thoughts and feelings he wasn't ready for because even now, years later, there were things from Chiyoko's death that he wasn't able to face.

"Maybe there doesn't have to be closure," he heard finally and suspended his breathing to hold back a choked sob. "You can love Chiyoko but still have feelings for Iwaizumi. It's not like you're only allowed to feel that way for one person," Kuroo said quietly. "Chiyoko's gone. It'll hurt and I don't think it'll ever stop, but I do think it'll lessen over time. And you'll never forget her, but that doesn't mean you're not allowed to move on—"

"Except how can I?" Oikawa interrupted, voice tight as he squeezed his eyes shut. "How… how can I fall in love with someone else? It feels like I'm betraying her, like I'm leaving her—"

"She's gone—"

" _Exactly_!" Oikawa snapped a bit louder than he'd intended, hearing Chiyo's inquisition through the door. A few moments later, he heard the front door open and and close and exhaled shakily, bringing his other hand to his face. "…She's gone, Kuroo. She's gone and… and she's never going to be able to watch Chiyo grow up. She's never going to live the rest of her life. She's… she's never going to get to know how her favorite series is going to end, if that new drama is going to live up to the hype, if… if there really will be a bakery that makes a better tiramisu than the one on campus. And not only do I get all that, but I get Chiyo and, on top of that, I get to move on? That's not fair. It's not fair at all."

"Yeah," Kuroo answered simply. "But it's also not fair that you stay miserable forever. Chiyoko loved you. She'd want you to be happy. You know that, right?"

Oikawa exhaled again, shuddering as he did so. "…Yeah," he mumbled lowly, licking his lips. "I know. I… I never even said it to her."

"I'm sure she knew."

"Yeah, but now I'm never going to be able to say it to her. And, besides," Oikawa cleared his throat, sitting up and burying his face in his hands, "I have Chiyo-chan. If I had anything with Iwa-chan, it's not just with me, it's… it's with her too. Everything's—everything's infinitely more complicated."

Oikawa took a deep breath.

"…I kissed him last night," he admitted quietly, feeling Kuroo staring at him as he pushed his bangs back. "I… drank too much, got too emotional, kissed him, and now I don't know what I'm going to do because I can't—I can't be with him. But I'm afraid that if he keeps being in my life like this… I'm not going to know how to be without him."

Hearing his voice beginning to wobble, Oikawa let his hands fall to his lap, watching them tremble. "And… and the way I feel about him, it's…"

He took a deep breath and brought a hand to his chest.

"It's like… it burns even more in my chest when I think about him than it ever did when I thought about Chiyoko. And that makes me feel like shit because it's not fair, but… but it's true. I want him so badly, but I don't know if I ever could and if I lost him… if I ever lost him, it's—it's something that I really don't think I can ever recover from."

Swallowing thickly, he closed his eyes and brought his knees to his chest, hugging them tightly and resting his chin on top of his knees, half-lidded glassy eyes staring blankly at the wall.

The way his heart was beating was aching, and Oikawa wasn't sure if the guilt was intensifying from finally being able to say what he'd been trying to deny or because he finally admitted it.

"You know…"

Kuroo's voice filled the room again and Oikawa closed his eyes, bowed his head a bit more and bit his lip.

"…You're allowed to be happy, Oikawa."

* * *

_"This isn't college, Oikawa! You can't keep ignoring it!"_

_"And you can't break into people's apartments, but here you are, Tetsu-chan."_

_Narrowing his eyes, Oikawa tilted his shoulders enough to get by, but not enough to avoid roughly bumping into Kuroo's. He kicked his shoes off and headed towards the kitchen, running a hand through his messier-than-usual hair. "Get out," he snapped tiredly. "I've been home for thirty seconds and I'm exhausted."_

_"I'm not leaving," Kuroo rebutted, following him. "I can deal with you ignoring my calls and texts, but I'm not gonna let you slam doors shut in Kenma's face—"_

_"Then you shouldn't be sending him to me," Oikawa retorted snidely, opening a drawer to look for a take-out menu. "Piss off with your guilt tripping."_

_"You can't treat Kenma like that! He's trying to help—"_

_"Except you two are suffocating me and considering that it was_ my _girlfriend who died, I'd think that what I wanted would trump over your need to feel useful."_

_"We're your friends," Kuroo pressed, grabbing Oikawa's arm, only for him to jerk away forcefully and slam the drawer shut loudly afterwards. "We care—"_

_"Then fuck off because I didn't ask you to care!"_

_Pushing past Kuroo, Oikawa retreated to his bedroom with long strides, throwing the door shut without looking over his shoulder. Oikawa slammed his fist against the wall, other hand on his hip and his head bowed. He took a deep breath before moving to press his back to the same spot and slide down until he was on the floor, bringing his knees close and resting his forehead on his crossed wrists._

_With Chiyo at Chiyoko's parents' (Oikawa had an inkling it was because they still didn't quite trust him with their granddaughter), Oikawa had finally managed to get a few days to himself. He'd known better than to hope for a true break, but hadn't realized that with Chiyo gone, every distraction he'd been relying on also left with her._

_In the weeks that had passed since the funeral, Oikawa had retreated from most of his social contacts under the guise of fatigue, which was effective for parents and acquaintances. His closer friends and Ayumi were much harder to shake off; they'd stop by on what felt like a weekly basis, insisting on being there for him when all he truly wanted was to be alone with Chiyo. The only times he did appreciate their coming over was to help with Chiyo. And when they showed up spontaneously, he'd still ask them to help take care of Chiyo, knowing that it was a favor most people would find hard to say no to and give Oikawa an excuse to avoid talking._

_Even if they weren't sure how much Chiyo could comprehend, it wasn't as if they'd openly discuss her dead mother in front of her._

_Oikawa understood that their concern stemmed from a genuine place, but he didn't want to talk. He put all his effort into trying to be two parents for Chiyo and not getting fired from his job, after having come dangerously close, saved only because of the few good relationships he'd made before his world ended. They continued to give him pitying smiles as well as food, which Oikawa appreciated, given that he wasn't exactly a chef himself._

_But now that Chiyo was gone, he didn't have anything to distract Kuroo with and had to feel the full force of the impromptu therapy session. And it didn't help his mood that Chiyoko's parents always claimed Chiyo was asleep when he'd call to say good night to her. She was a baby, so clearly she slept a lot, but Oikawa was bitter; he missed Chiyo and just wanted a few minutes with her, but he'd often get off of work too late, and it was too busy for him to step outside to make the call._

_He knew Chiyoko's parents were shattered too and, as for him, having Chiyo was a semblance of having Chiyoko. And he was selfish; he wanted Chiyo back because he finally felt like he was connecting with her and didn't want his sudden absence to deteriorate the fragile relationship he'd started building. His only beacon of hope was that Chiyo was supposed to go to his parents next and then Ayumi would bring her back._

_Not moving when he heard his door open slowly and feeling Kuroo's warmth when he sat next to him, Oikawa croaked 'leave me alone' in a shaky voice._

_"The only time you're not pretty is when you cry. How could I miss this rare opportunity?"_

_Oikawa managed a dry laugh, corners of his mouth dropping after a moment. He bit his bottom lip to try and lessen the trembling, clenching his fists as he felt hot tears rolling down his cheeks. Sniffling, he raised his head just barely enough to roughly wipe at his eyes, barely managing to choke back a sob. "…I miss her," he mumbled quietly. "So much."_

_Kuroo sighed._

_"…Yeah. I bet."_

_After a few more moments, he raised his head, glassy red eyes staring straight ahead at the windowsill. "…I'm not ignoring it," he said quietly. "I'm not delusional. I know that Chiyoko's—"_

_He took a deep, shaky breath._

_"This isn't me pretending she's just on an extended vacation. I know she's gone. But if I think about that… if I so much as briefly remember it, it feels like… it feels like my chest is some kind of black hole. And I don't have time for that. I have work. I have Chiyo. I have to work for Chiyo. But—"_

_Breaking off when another choked sob wracked his frame, Oikawa let his head fall forward, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes. Kuroo's hand was soothing on his back, and yet that warmth didn't do anything for the coldness in the middle of his chest._

_"I can still smell her," he continued in a tight voice, "that's why I can't sleep in the bed. That's why I can't be in this room for too long, because… because I still smell her everywhere. Her shampoo. Her perfume. Her lotion. It's on her clothes, in the closet, in the sheets, it's—it's everywhere, Kuroo, and I only come in here if I have to grab something or if Chiyo's crying because I think smelling anything that reminds her of Chiyoko calms her down. I'm afraid to wash the sheets. I can't do laundry. I can't even open the window because once this is gone, once the scent is gone, she's—"_

_Breaking off again, Oikawa swore under his breath, tangling his fingers in his hair. "I miss her—I miss her so much and nobody ever thinks that it's going to be the last, but… I really, really didn't think that that morning would be the last time I saw her. That that quick kiss would be the last. That… that a yellow sweater would be the last thing we'd ever see her in. I'm afraid of losing my memories of her and I'm afraid that Chiyo's gonna grow up not remembering her because it feels like the least I owe—"_

_"Oikawa," Kuroo interrupted gently, moving closer to be able to drape his arm over Oikawa's shoulders, "you don't owe anyone anything. You're shouldering everything on your own and the fact that you're still breathing and walking is fucking amazing. And when you're with Chiyo, everyone can see how hard you're trying with her. There are people would still be curled up in their bed, you know. But you're not. You're giving a hundred and ten percent. That's all anyone can ask for."_

_Swallowing and wincing at the lump in his throat, Oikawa rubbed at his eyes again. "…Yeah, I know. But it's… it's not enough. And I don't know what's going to be enough."_

_"Oikawa," Kuroo continued in the same caring tone, "you're a dumbass."_

_Oikawa was quiet for a few moments._

_"…That's not nice."_

_"As a human being, you are the embodiment of a dumbass," Kuroo said, "but as a parent, you're perfect. And not because you're doing everything right, because that doesn't exist. Nobody's perfect at being a parent; it's a learning process for everyone, no matter how many kids they have. But you're trying your best and you love her so much. So what if you don't know what each of her cries means? You love her and you're always there to try and give her whatever she needs. And even if Chiyo's a baby, the way you feel about Chiyoko… you've always been that annoying guy who never shuts up about his girlfriend. But now that just means you're going to talk about her so much that Chiyo's never going to forget her. She'll know her mom because her dad won't stop singing praises."_

_"I—"_

_"And I know this isn't going to fix everything," Kuroo continued before Oikawa could finish his sentence. "And I know you're not ignoring it. I shouldn't have put it that way. But you're putting the weight of both your world and Chiyo's world on your shoulders and you have to remember that even if it feels like it's just you, it's not. You've got me and Kenma and everyone else in your corner. We know you'll give everything you have to take care of Chiyo, so we're here to take care of you until you remember how to again."_

_Kuroo grinned._

_"You're not gonna get rid of us that easily."_

* * *

Oikawa had developed a whole routine to not see Iwaizumi, which included leaving a little bit earlier everyday, send one of the interns for his daily coffee, and then hurry as fast as he could down the hallway when coming home, like some sort of a spy-in-training. All he had to do was teach Chiyo the Lava Game, which she took too enthusiastically and now sprinted down the hallways at full speed, screaming at the imaginary lava chasing her. That posed a new problem, but Oikawa figured it would be easily correctable later.

And his plan was working. Oikawa had managed an entire week of not seeing Iwaizumi, but he forgot to come up with a way to avoid Chiyo running out of the apartment to bang on Iwaizumi's door. It was one of the few times where Oikawa wished that Iwaizumi  _wasn't_  as civilized a member of society as he was, because then maybe he wouldn't have opened the door.

"Iwa-chan!" Chiyo cheered, just as Oikawa managed to round the corner, nearly tripping over his own feet.

It had been only a week, so Iwaizumi couldn't have changed that much, but looking at him, Oikawa felt like he hadn't seen him in months, maybe even years. He'd forgotten how sharp his jaw was, how broad his shoulders, how there was that freckle by his collarbone, how his clothes were always a bit rumpled, in an endearing way, how his hair, despite short, still was a bit messy.

But mostly, how gentle and soft Iwaizumi's expression was when he was smiling at Chiyo.

"Hey, Chiyo," he said, crossing his arms and leaning against his doorframe. "What's up? Didn't know you could open doors."

And when Iwaizumi looked at Oikawa, the trance was broken. He flinched and immediately reached down, scooping Chiyo up into his arms. "Of course Chiyo-chan can open doors," Oikawa interrupted. "She's very clever."

Beaming at Chiyo as he poked her cheek, his smile widened to hear her giggle. Oikawa glanced over and felt his heart skip a beat at the way Iwaizumi was watching them. Their gazes lingered and it was only when Chiyo pressed a sticky palm to his face that Oikawa was forced back into reality. He cleared his throat and tried to smile normally, doing his best to ignore the way Iwaizumi was still looking at him. "Sorry to bother you, Iwa-chan," he said and took a step back.

"Taro!" Chiyo demanded.

"We'll just be leaving—"

"Taro! Taro Taro Taro Taro!"

"If she wants to come in to play with Taro, she's more than welcome to," Iwaizumi said, shrugging and glancing over his shoulder. "I'm not doing anything and Taro's just laying there. I mean," he looked back to Oikawa, "if you want to."

Oikawa hesitated, the way Iwaizumi's gaze lingered distracting him for the one moment Chiyo needed to wiggle out of his arms and run into Iwaizumi's apartment. He didn't even bother to try and stop her, not after watching her squeeze past Iwaizumi's legs and sprint towards Taro. Instead, Oikawa gave an apologetic smile. "Ah… well, I guess we're coming in then."

Iwaizumi smirked and just held the door open for him, heading into the kitchen while Oikawa took a seat at the dining table (or what he assumed Iwaizumi considered the dining table), watching Chiyo plop some pillows on the ground to make herself comfortable. He glanced up when Iwaizumi set a glass of water by him and murmured a quiet 'thanks.'

Iwaizumi took the chair two seats away from Oikawa, which, he assumed, was entirely normal. But now he found himself overanalyzing it; did he do that on purpose, to put some distance between them? Was it really reflex? Had Iwaizumi ever taken the seat directly next to him if it was only them?

"How was your hangover?"

Oikawa almost choked on his water, but managed to recover gracefully and nod as he swallowed. "Iwa-chan, you should know better. I don't get hangovers."

Iwaizumi snorted.

Oikawa couldn't help but smile into the rim of his glass, taking another sip he didn't particularly need. When he set the water down, he took a moment to center it perfectly on the coaster (that he noticed Iwaizumi wasn't using) before sighing. "Iwa-chan, about last week—"

"I'm sorry."

"—it—wait, what?"

"I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like that," Iwaizumi continued, voice even but low. He looked over and after a moment, dropped his gaze. "…Sorry."

Oikawa had to take a moment to recollect himself, sputtering for a bit before clearing his throat. "That's—no, that's not it. You don't have to apologize. I…" he hesitated before laughing briefly. "Ahh, trust me, Iwa-chan, if possible, sober me would've wanted to kiss you even more."

Iwaizumi laughed. The sound sent shivers down Oikawa's spine and he traced his thumb in circles on the glass, watching Chiyo rearrange the pillows, ending up laying down against Taro, curling up to be able to cover herself with a pillow. He was a little bit confused, but decided to accept it, making a mental note to buy her more blankets.

"Iwa-chan," Oikawa started again, then stopped to bite his lip, focusing his gaze on the coaster again. "…The last week, I…"

He trailed off and shook his head, running a hand through his hair, licking his lips. "It's… it's been really busy at work, so—"

"It's fine," Iwaizumi interrupted. "I know what it means. I get it."

"No, Iwa—"

"You've got Chiyo," he said again and Oikawa faltered. "Right? And Chiyoko… it's all complicated. So… it's understandable. You have a lot going on that you need to sort through."

And when he heard a quiet 'right?' follow, Oikawa nodded, closing his eyes and shaking his head with another small laugh. "Iwa-chan, you're… you're almost  _annoyingly_  perfect and understanding about this. It's not fair, you know."

"I didn't know someone as annoying as you could also get annoyed," Iwaizumi noted dryly. "But, Oikawa, I do like you. Just in case it wasn't getting through your thick as fu—"

"Child."

"—skull," Iwaizumi finished and Oikawa looked over to see him gazing back at him evenly. "For some probably masochistic reason, I really do. So as complicated as this is…"

He hesitated and looked away, clearing his throat. "…I'll wait. Until you're ready and you've got time, because… because I think you're worth it."

Oikawa didn't like to admit it (Kuroo definitely liked to remind him, though), but he'd been dumped more often than the other way around. In high school, it had been because of his obsession with volleyball. In college, it was still that, but then also because of academics; the people he'd dated had always accused him of not prioritizing them and Oikawa honestly couldn't argue with them. They'd all left, knowing that when he asked them to stay, to be patient, things wouldn't change.

But now, for the first time, someone was offering to stay and to wait for him and it was an entirely foreign feeling. Even with Chiyoko, they hadn't dated long enough for his absences to start bothering her. If she hadn't gotten pregnant, Oikawa would've expected the same pattern to continue.

As he stared at Iwaizumi, he felt his heart lift for just a moment before the image of Chiyoko flashed before his eyes. Tearing his gaze away and shaking his head, Oikawa grasped the glass so hard his arm was shaking. "I—"

"Oikawa, look, I know—"

"No," he said a bit more sharply than he intended, apologizing afterwards and loosening his grip. He swallowed and bowed his head. "…No," he repeated in a softer voice, "Iwa-chan, you… you're like that fairy tale prince every person out there wants. You're perfect. You really are, but… but you don't know. Because I don't even know. And everything you said, it's… it's so nice to hear. But I can't ask that of you. I can't ask you to wait for me to sort through my issues because, honestly, I don't know how long it would take me. You can't wait around forever for someone who might never come around."

Pressing his lips into a thin line, Oikawa kept his breathing shallow, hoped that would ease the hotness pressing to the back of his eyes. An apology sat at the tip of his tongue, but he was afraid that if he voiced it, he'd accidentally say too much and fall into Iwaizumi, drown in him while also suffocating him.

"You're one of the best people I know," he continued quietly, unable to bring himself to look at him. "But… but I think you should move on. We… I mean, Chiyo and I, we're…"

He swallowed.

"We're fine on our own."

Unsure if Iwaizumi picked up on the wavering of his tone, all Oikawa could focus on was his quiet 'I see.' Hearing the chair scraping against the floor as Iwaizumi stood to get more water, Oikawa squeezed his eyes shut, held his breath and counted backwards from ten before a slow exhale. When he opened them again, they focused on Chiyo and he felt something inside of him turn cold. But he ignored it and stood, calling for her. "Chiyo-chan, come on, let's go. We need to clean your room today."

Chiyo looked dismayed.

"Chiyo wants to play!"

"We can play the cleaning game."

"No fun!"

"Chiyo-chan," Oikawa called tiredly, rubbing his face as he stood. Chiyo made a face but stood up and toddled back over to Oikawa, obediently reaching her arms out for him to pick her up. Oikawa smiled and kissed her cheek, pretended to not notice Iwaizumi watching. "Good girl. Say bye-bye to Taro-kun."

"Bye-bye Taro," Chiyo said sadly, waving. "Bye-bye Iwa-chan?" she said afterwards, looking at Oikawa.

His breath hitched and, without looking at Iwaizumi, nodded, eyes dropping to the tiled floor.

"…Yeah. Probably bye-bye Iwa-chan for a while too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you thought i died, it's because i did.
> 
> so thank you if you're still here and reading this! kudos/comments are appreciated and always motivational ♡


	6. café au lait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "the sexual tension was so strong i thought i was going to suffocate."

Two weeks had passed by the time a lighter-than-normal knock interrupted Iwaizumi's morning nap.

Stumbling out of his bedroom, Iwaizumi pulled a shirt on, pausing in the middle of the living room to yawn. He felt Taro brush by his legs and grumbled a good morning to him, rubbing his eyes. He'd been half-asleep in his bed, having already woken up but been unwilling to get out of bed yet. The knock was enough to jerk him fully awake, but at the cost of his cementing his mood on the wrong side of the line.

His interactions with Oikawa had been limited to passing by each other when getting mail or in the hallway. It had always been brief because one of them would hurry off. The only reason their spontaneous meetings would be extended would be because Chiyo would cling onto Taro, latching her arms around him and burying her face in his coat. The first time Iwaizumi had really seen her truly misbehave was when Oikawa tried to peel her away; he'd hear her whine and throw tantrums through the wall, but most of the time, she behaved in public. Or, he thought, maybe she was misbehaving but being so cute about it that it came off as behaving.

Iwaizumi also realized how awkward it was to stand there with a disobedient child latched onto his dog and a parent sternly reprimanding them. It was worse than when he was a kid and his friend's parents were berating them in front of him; at least back then, Iwaizumi could quietly slink away.

The first time Chiyo had thrown her tantrum in front of Iwaizumi, Oikawa had relented and let her play with Taro for a bit longer. But the times after, he'd remain stubborn and it was the first time Iwaizumi realized that Oikawa  _wasn't_  a pushover parent all the time. Chiyo would eventually give in, stomp her feet and run into Oikawa's apartment crying.

The way Oikawa would straighten and run his hand through his hair, beleaguered eyes staring off into the distance made Iwaizumi's heartache. He'd always flash Iwaizumi a quick smile and apologize for Chiyo's behavior, to which Iwaizumi would always shake his head.

_"You don't have to apologize. I don't mind at all."_

Oikawa's second smile was just as strained, but not from fatigue, Iwaizumi could tell.

There was one time when Oikawa had gone into the apartment and closed the door, only for it to reopen while Iwaizumi was still jiggling his lock. He looked over to see Chiyo peering at him from behind the ledge, eyes darting between him and Taro. Iwaizumi had hesitated, glancing to make sure Oikawa wasn't approaching, before crouching, clicking his tongue without thinking about it.

(To be fair, Chiyo  _did_  come.)

_"Hey Chiyo," he murmured as Chiyo toddled over, coming to a stop and petting Taro. "You doing okay?"_

_She nodded, keeping her eyes focused on Taro. Iwaizumi couldn't help but smile slightly as he tilted his head._

_"You think you can do a favor for Iwaizumi-ojichan?"_

_"For Iwa-chan, yes."_

_He instantly cursed Oikawa in his head._

_"Be good for your dad, okay?" Iwaizumi asked, keeping his voice low. He could see Chiyo pout, cheeks puffing slightly and head lowering. "I know you want to play with Taro, but if your dad asks something of you, you gotta listen, okay? He doesn't do it to be mean."_

_Chiyo dropped her hand to hold both behind her back, rocking back and forth on her feet. Iwaizumi waited a few more moments before reaching out, using a crooked finger to tap gently at her chin to make her look up at him. "Promise me you'll do that?" he asked._

_Chiyo huffed, wrinkling her nose. "…Fine!" she eventually chirped angrily. "Chiyo-chan good."_

_Iwaizumi laughed and reached out to ruffle her hair without thinking twice about it. "That's my girl. Now, go back in and wash your hands for dinner."_

Taking a moment to stretch, Iwaizumi positioned himself to make it hard for Taro to run out; one of his neighbors had been walking his cat (Iwaizumi was very confused) and Taro had run out, giving both humans and the feline the shock of their lives. Unlocking his door and turning the knob, he opened the door, confused when he didn't see someone at eye level.

So, he looked down to see a bright smile and lopsided pigtails.

"…Chiyo?"

"Iwa-chan!" Chiyo sang. "Chiyo's here!"

Hesitating, Iwaizumi leaned over Chiyo to look over at Oikawa's door, brow furrowed. "Where's your dad?"

"Papa work!" Chiyo continued in her normal yelling voice. "Ayumi-neechan here!"

"And where is she?"

"Napping!"

Not for much longer, he figured, if she kept yelling like that. Looking back to Chiyo and smiling slightly, he moved aside and watched her walk in. Her entire body perked and there was an audible gasp when she saw Taro, immediately running over to the couch to hug him, running her cheek against his fur happily. Iwaizumi closed the door and went into the kitchen to pour her a glass of milk, also bringing over a half-finished package of mochi and some silverware. He set both down on the coffee table, taking a seat next to her, Taro laying with her head in his lap, tail wagging lazily.

Laughing under his breath as Chiyo kept chanting Taro's name, Iwaizumi leaned forward to cut the mochi into more bite-sized pieces, figuring it would be easier than having her wash her hands before eating. Once he was finished, he leaned back into the couch, folding his hands over his stomach as he watched Chiyo pet Taro happily.

Iwaizumi had leaned forward to grab the remote when Chiyo whipped her head towards him, scaring at least ten years of his life away. As she yelled Oikawa's nickname for him, Iwaizumi silently reached forward to pull a few strands of hair away from her mouth.

"Yeah?"

Staring at him for a few more moments, Chiyo pouted again. She pulled her hand back from Taro and he leapt off the couch to curl up in a sunny spot on the floor. Iwaizumi watched Chiyo swing her feet and fold her hands in her lap; it was cute, he thought, that her default sitting position was that polite.

He was sure Oikawa would be snapping photos nonstop of this.

"…Chiyo has a wish."

"A wish?" Iwaizumi echoed, arching an eyebrow and tilting his head with another smile. He leaned back against the couch, draped his arms over the cushions. "Well, ask away. I'll do my best."

Chiyo puffed her cheeks out again and stopped swinging her legs. "…Can Iwa-chan visit Papa?"

Breath catching in his throat, Iwaizumi sat up after a minute, elbows resting on his knees and linking his fingers together. "Uh…" he cleared his throat, focusing on his fingers. "…It's not as easy as that, Chiyo. Your dad and I, we're… well, we're not fighting, but… it's just complicated."

"Papa's lonely," Chiyo said, looking up. "Papa's sad… sad because no Iwa-chan. Iwa-chan visit?"

Iwaizumi smiled and shook his head. "Sorry, but I don't think he wants—"

"Papa's happy when Iwa-chan visits!" Chiyo interrupted, voice rising as she began bouncing on the seat. "Iwa-chan visits, Papa happy!"

"Silly," he mumbled, reaching a hand out to ruffle her hair, which made her pigtails more uneven. "Your dad's happiest when he's with you," he said, watching Chiyo's entire face light up. "Right now, I don't think he wants to see me. Having you is enough."

"Papa's lets Chiyo eat dinner cake!"

"…That's… that's good? Wait, no, that's—"

"Papa not sleeping," Chiyo continued, looking down again. "…Papa not playing ducks… Papa not laughing. Chiyo thinks Papa's sad. Papa sad makes Chiyo sad."

Iwaizumi watched her lip wobble for a few moments before realizing what that meant, immediately panicking and instinctively moving closer, murmuring 'hey' under his breath as he wrapped his arms around her, bringing her close to him. "Oikawa's… your dad's going through some stuff. But it's not because of you," he said quietly. "Whenever he does smile or laugh, I'm sure it's because of you, Chiyo. Don't feel like it's your fault, okay?"

He heard sniffling and then felt her nodding. Pulling back to smile at her, Iwaizumi patted her head. "Go back home, okay? Don't want Ayumi wakin' up and panicking because you're gone."

Chiyo nodded and hopped off, starting to waddle towards the door before abruptly turning around and grabbing the package of mochi. Iwaizumi laughed but didn't stop her. He opened the door and watched her step into her shoes.

"Iwa-chan," she said and looked up. "Iwa-chan will visit?"

He paused. "Well, it's—"

"Please? Pretty please? For Papa and Chiyo?"

Bringing his other hand to his hip, Iwaizumi sighed, staring down the hallway. Finally, he relented and nodded, smiling down at Chiyo, relieved to see her smiling brightly.

"…Yeah. Okay. I'll visit when I can. I promise."

* * *

Iwaizumi was pretending he didn't know who the little notes taped to his door at perfect toddler-height were from. As expected, Chiyo couldn't write, so Iwaizumi now had a growing collection of drawings of dogs and snacks. She smiled more at him after her impromptu visit and Iwaizumi found himself smiling back, though always shaking his head. She'd seem visibly disappointed and Iwaizumi still wasn't sure if Oikawa was aware of his exchange happening.

Pocketing Chiyo's newest artistic rendition of a flying dog, Iwaizumi jolted when he heard Oikawa's door start to open. He fumbled with his lock, but by the time he'd turned the knob, Oikawa's door had opened. Against his better judgment, Iwaizumi looked over, eyes immediately locking gazes with Oikawa's.

He was alone, and maybe that was why he seemed so tired. Even though his eyes were widened, Iwaizumi could tell there were bags under them, sharp nose picking up on the smell of a cigarette. It immediately gave him a craving for a cigarette despite not having had one in weeks and Iwaizumi looked away quickly, opening his door.

"You—"

He jolted to hear Oikawa's voice, looking back over immediately. Oikawa offered a small smile, gestured towards the ground. "…You dropped something."

"Oh," Iwaizumi said and looked down to see one of Chiyo's drawing. He reached down hastily to pick it up, unsure if Oikawa knew what it was. "Thanks."

"Just being neighborly," he sang and Iwaizumi caught himself watching Oikawa walk down the hallway for a bit too long.

Stepping into his apartment quickly, he closed the door and jumped again to hear a low whistle, looking up to see Hanamaki looking perfectly at home. He immediately swore under his breath as he closed his door, running a hand through his hair.

"The sexual tension was so strong I thought I was going to suffocate."

Iwaizumi scowled and focused on kicking off his shoes. "Shut up."

Shrugging off his coat and tossing it carelessly over the back of a chair, he headed into the kitchen to grab two beers from the refrigerator. "What're you doing here? I gave you a key for emergencies," he grumbled, handing one bottle to Hanamaki before taking a seat next to him.

"It was an emergency," Hanamaki answered, taking a sip. "I was out of beer."

"Thanks for waiting for me to come back before taking one."

"Didn't feel like finding your bottle opener."

Snorting, Iwaizumi sunk lower into the couch until his back was nearly entirely on the seat, knees brushing against his coffee table and feet likely almost showing through to the other side. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath; before even realizing it, he found himself straining to hear if Chiyo was at home with Ayumi. It was silent, which was unusual for a weekend. Was Chiyo gone? Had something happened? Was that why Oikawa looked like that?

"Oikawa's givin' you wrinkles even when he's not there."

Iwaizumi forcefully relaxed the muscles in his face.

"Shut up."

Iwaizumi heard Hanamaki laugh and if he didn't take his beer so seriously, would've reached out to hit him. Oikawa not stopping by the café was affecting Iwaizumi more than he wanted to admit. Both Hanamaki and Matsukawa suggested people to set him up with, but Iwaizumi had always turned them down. He wasn't looking for anyone, he explained, he hadn't even been looking for a relationship in the first place.

It was just that Oikawa waltzed in like a hurricane and then left like an earthquake.

"Iwaizumi," Hanamaki started, "I've known you for a long time. Too long, probably."

"Thanks."

Hanamaki laughed and Iwaizumi heard him shifting, felt the cushions move with him. "I've gotta say, out of all the times you've ever liked someone, I think this is different."

"Why," Iwaizumi grumbled, "because I've never been this masochistic before?"

"For starters, yeah," Hanamaki agreed, turning on the television. "But… I don't know. I can't really explain it. When we met you with him, it was like you were introducing us to your boyfriend, even though you weren't. But you were so comfortable with him, like you've known him your entire life. I'm not saying you're not a friendly person, even though you're not, but you don't really… get that close with someone that quickly. It's like you and Oikawa were meant for each other."

Jolting when he felt something cold and wet press to his hand, Iwaizumi opened his eyes to see Taro staring up at him, sitting with his tail wagging. "Hey," he mumbled, fixing his posture and patting the empty space next to him. Taro leapt onto the couch obediently and laid down, head resting in Iwaizumi's lap. He began to scratch him behind his ears absentmindedly and sighed, taking another swig of his beer.

Except the droning of the television, there were no other sounds, and yet Iwaizumi felt deafened. Swallowing and leaning back into the couch, he sighed and closed his eyes.

"…Yeah," he admitted with a weak shrug and could feel Hanamaki's smirk radiating victoriously. "With him… it's always felt natural. We just… we just clicked. But he's got a life. He's got a  _kid_  and he's still not over and probably will never be fully over his ex. It's too complicated and it's unfair of me to try and push him. It's not my  _place_  to—"

Breaking off, Iwaizumi shook his head and dropped his eyes to focus on a magazine on his coffee table. "…I can't."

The television babbled on. Taro whined and then hopped off the couch, padded over to the wall that they shared with Oikawa and laid down, stared at it with his tail wagging slowly. Iwaizumi numbly took another sip; the carbonation stung, but the tightness in his chest didn't at all relieve as he swallowed.

"Iwaizumi," Hanamaki said in a low voice, "you're a good guy. That's probably your most defining characteristic, you know. That in every situation, you always do the right thing. And, yeah, in this situation, backing off is the right one."

Iwaizumi sighed. "Ye—"

"But this is Oikawa," Hanamaki interrupted. "I've met him. And for as loud and obnoxious and ridiculous he is, he's scared. And of course he is. I would be too. Raising a kid all by myself, falling for a guy who seems too good to be true? He knows that if things stay as they are, he knows what to expect. It's terrifying to take a chance when he's got so much at stake, but what he doesn't realize is that it's gonna be worth it. And maybe I'm biased because you're one of my best friends, but you could be one of the best things that's ever happened to him if you'd just man up and go talk to him."

"You don't know—"

"Yeah, I do, actually. Because I know you."

Iwaizumi frowned and started picking at the label of his bottle.

"You'd never hurt him," Hanamaki continued in a gentler voice. "I know you wouldn't, and I'm sure that deep down, Oikawa knows too. But he's afraid and he needs someone to push him. The only who can do that is  _you_. He has to know you're there for him and you're not going to leave. Is it absolute? Nah. Nothing is. But you're kind and loyal, and he's never going to find anyone better than you."

Brow knitting, the tightness in his chest coiled a bit more and Iwaizumi gave up on the peel, wrapped his hands around the chilly glass.

"I think you two are really meant to be together," he heard.

"So you have to fight for it."

* * *

Oikawa spent most of his time as a parent wishing for silence, but now that it was silent, he found that he hated it.

Ayumi had come for Chiyo that morning, greeted with Chiyo throwing a tantrum about not getting to say bye to Taro and a miserable and exhausted Oikawa trying to last-minute pack everything into a tiny pink suitcase.

_"Taro! Taro! Taro! Ta—"_

_"Chiyo-chan," Oikawa interrupted tiredly, "c'mere, let's put on your coat—"_

_"You want any help?" Ayumi asked, crouching down next to them._

_"No, it's fine. Chiyo-chan—"_

_"Taro!"_

_"You can play with Taro-kun when you're back, okay? But right now, let's put on—"_

_"No!" Chiyo yelled, stomping her foot. "Chiyo wants! Taro! Taro! Ta-!"_

_"Chiyo!" Oikawa snapped louder than he meant, using a free hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. "Ayumi-neechan came all the way here and we don't want to be late for the train, right?"_

_"…Right," Chiyo echoed in a small voice after a moment, holding her arms out obediently and dropping her gaze. Oikawa sighed, felt guilt gnawing at him as he helped her to slip into her coat._

_Zipping her up, he noticed she still wasn't looking at him. Sighing again, he murmured 'can you give me a minute?', glancing up at Ayumi, and she nodded, standing and taking the suitcase out into the hallway. Oikawa made himself comfortable on the ground, legs crossed as he cupped Chiyo's face with both hands, gentling lifting her chin and leaning in to kiss her gently on the nose. "I'm sorry for yelling at you, baby," he murmured and Chiyo glanced at him shyly, pout lessening. "Papa's just really tired, okay? But he shouldn't have taken it out on you. You're not in trouble. Do you forgive me?"_

_Chiyo blinked a few times before smiling and nodding, jumping forward into his arms. "Chiyo loves Papa," she murmured into the crook of his neck as Oikawa stood, arm supporting her._

_"Papa loves Chiyo," he answered, kissing her temple as he headed over to the door. Ayumi smiled and stepped forward to take Chiyo into her arms; Oikawa gently took her hands to free their grip on his shirt, pressing a chaste kiss to each. "Be good for Ayumi-neechan, okay? And say hi to Grandma and Grandpa."_

_Holding onto Chiyo's hands until Ayumi stepped away, she promised to call and Oikawa watched until they disappeared around the corner at the end of the hallway._

"Hey. Are you asleep?"

Oikawa groaned and rolled over. "Yeah."

Oikawa had started dreading his apartment, mainly because of the excitement at the possibility of seeing Iwaizumi. It was exhausting to constantly look forward to something he knew he shouldn't on top of taking care of a two-year-old. His brief encounters left him feeling wired more than all the caffeine in the world possibly could, and pretending they didn't were much more taxing on his body than he'd expected.

Chiyo was leaving notes on his door; Oikawa didn't know if she even knew the concept of subtlety yet, but she definitely wasn't very good at it. The first few times he'd hear the door open and close and she'd always look like a startled cat when she came back to see him staring. But then she started doing it when they'd leave for daycare or come home and run over to Iwaizumi's while Oikawa was standing in front of their apartment, undoubtedly watching.

Pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes, Oikawa exhaled until he felt as though his chest would concave, inhaling as he dropped his hands and stared up. He saw Kuroo moving around in his peripheral vision and immediately frowned upon feeling warm hands taking his wrists and pulling him up into a sitting position.

Kuroo grinned.

"'Sup."

Oikawa deadpanned.

"My foot to your ass."

Kuroo laughed good-naturedly, an annoying reaction to Oikawa's entirely unveiled, insulting threat. He collapsed back in bed, folding his hands behind his head as he felt Kuroo make himself comfortable on his bed. Grunting, he kicked is foot in a general direction, smirking to himself when he heard Kuroo yelp.

Iwaizumi was, by all accounts, the ideal neighbor. He was quiet, never kept Oikawa up, always collected his mail in a timely manner, didn't send food delivery or packages to Oikawa's door if he was running late. As a result, Oikawa had to be the one to make such an effort to do all of those same things, to make sure he gave himself absolutely no excuses to talk to him or attract his attention.

Besides Taro's occasional bark and the rare sightings that left Oikawa's heart racing, he could almost,  _almost_  convince himself that he could forget Iwaizumi's existence. But then he'd pass by Iwaizumi in the morning and that would leave Oikawa feeling lightheaded with heart palpitations for the better part of the morning, effectively reducing him to a love-struck, daydreaming moron who would accidentally delete an entire article while attempting to highlight a word.

(Oikawa quickly learned to adore the 'undo' function his computer boasted proudly.)

He'd even made an effort to get Chiyo to not yell as often or as loudly, though the effort was frequently for naught. She had a mind of her own and with Oikawa being exhausted recently, Chiyo seemed to take it upon herself to be even louder and more rambunctious, as if hoping her exuberant energy would make up for his lack thereof. He'd play with her as long as he could, but at some point, Oikawa's limbs would feel like they were on the verge of giving out, having just enough strength to tuck her into bed and drag him back to his bed to collapse on.

"Where's Pudding-chan?" Oikawa mumbled, closing his eyes.

Kuroo hummed. "Mm, he's hangin' out with the short kid. Came by to check on my favorite single dad who's lost the will to live, especially since his kid's gone. Pretty boring at home by myself."

"I haven't lost the will to live."

"Your lips hardly moved when you said that. I was watching."

"Aw, you watch my lips? If you want a kiss, you just have to ask, Tetsu-chan."

"Iwaizumi looks like he could beat me up with one hand. Despite what you may think, I'm actually a pacifist."

Oikawa scoffed. "Iwa-chan's not gonna care."

"And that's where you're wrong, my stupid friend," Kuroo drawled, reaching a hand out to shove gently at Oikawa's legs. "Don't tell me you still haven't spoken to him."

Oikawa said nothing and breathed a quieter sigh in response to Kuroo's heavy one.

"You know, Oikawa, you've never been the type of guy to shy away from someone you're into. In fact, on a spectrum of holding up a boombox outside a window to full-on cold shouldering them, you'd hire a live orchestra  _and_  bring a horse."

"I wouldn't bring a horse," Oikawa huffed.

"Yeah?"

"I'd bring a  _puppy_. They elicit much more consistently positive reactions."

Kuroo laughed. "My point exactly."

Flopping over onto his back, Oikawa grabbed one of the spare pillows and hugged it to his chest. He felt safer, knowing his legs were covered by the blanket (and Kuroo) and the pillow hid everything else, save his head and arms. If he could just disappear, he thought, it would be so much easier. He'd not have to deal with his feelings, Iwaizumi's feelings, or anyone else's feelings.

But, Oikawa knew, that wasn't an option.

"He's…"

His lips kept moving after his voice trailed off and Oikawa closed his eyes, opting instead for a heavy sigh.

"…When you first realized how much you liked Pudding-chan, did it scare you?"

"Ah?" Kuroo craned his neck to look towards Oikawa. "You mean when I realized I fell in love with him?"

Oikawa's fingers tightened their grip on his pillow. "…Yeah."

The ghost of a smile on Kuroo's lips was hidden by his bangs as he adjusted his position. "Honestly… not really. We were friends for such a long time that when I realized, it just sort of clicked in my head. And suddenly everything made so much more sense. The way I looked at him, the lengths I'd go for him, the things I'd do for him… realizing it was because I'm in love with him was like that final puzzle piece."

Oikawa smiled briefly. "You're such a sap," he mumbled teasingly, closing his eyes. He moved the pillow further up, pressing down on it until he couldn't breathe. Letting go, he sat up, back hunched and hugging the pillow to his chest. "I'm terrified," he said in a tiny voice. "When… when I think about it, I feel like I'm going to throw up. I never realized how much I could  _feel_  for someone. And I know it's stupid, I barely know the guy, our combined time spent together probably isn't even a month, but—"

"Oikawa," Kuroo interrupted lazily, "you do know that Kenma and I aren't the only people in love, right?"

"…You do know that your head's really close to my sharp and bony knees, right?"

"I'm saying that you don't have to be childhood friends with someone to fall in love," Kuroo continued without missing a beat. "It doesn't matter that you don't know his life story or that you didn't grow up together. Maybe you're soulmates. I think you could be. No matter what universe you're in, you two were meant to find each other. And in this one, it just so happens he's a barista and you're the annoying man-child with an actual child of his own. He gets you, yeah? He makes you feel safe? You can trust him? Being with him makes you happy?"

Oikawa nodded stiffly.

"Then I think you're meant to be with him," Kuroo replied, moving up into a sitting position and reaching a hand out to playfully ruffle his hair. "Everything you're scared of, it's entirely valid. No one's arguing that. You're a parent and you're being a responsible one. But I think Iwaizumi makes you happy. And I think he'd be really, really good with Chiyo. I mean, he'll be totally freaked out and terrified, but that'll be hilarious."

Grinning when he finally heard a soft laugh from Oikawa, Kuroo yanked the pillow away from him only to throw it back, watch Oikawa toppled over with a yelp. "I'm gonna go. Just remembered some research I was supposed to do. But remember what I said, okay? You deserve to be happy and I think Iwaizumi can give you that."

Oikawa smiled briefly.

"…That's what I'm afraid of."

* * *

Iwaizumi had taken a detour to get more beer after splitting up with Hanamaki. The bottles were clinking against each other as he made his way back to his apartment, keys jingling as he procured them from his pocket. He rounded the corner and instinctively took a step back to see a figure at Oikawa's door.

But when he saw the black hair, he relaxed and kept walking, gave a nod when Kuroo looked over. "Hey."

Kuroo stared at him before breaking into a grin, holding a hand up. "Yo. Thought it was awfully quiet next door."

"Taro's pretty quiet," Iwaizumi answered, stopping in front of his door. "You… just visiting?"

To anyone else, Iwaizumi was sure that his question would have come off casual and unsuspecting. But he was talking to Kuroo, so he already knew to expect an all-knowing grin when he looked back up.

"Yeah," Kuroo answered. "Checking on Oikawa. He gets weird when Chiyo's away."

"She's away?"

"Visiting his parents with his sister," Kuroo elaborated and Iwaizumi nodded, relieved to finally have an answer to the suspicious silence.

Iwaizumi caught himself smiling before thinking about it and could tell by Kuroo's face that he definitely saw. Clearing his throat, he inserted his key to the lock. "Well, good to see you. Don't piss off too many people for fun."

"See you around," Kuroo answered with a laugh. From his peripheral vision, Iwaizumi could see him start turning. But just as Iwaizumi unlocked his door and opened it, Kuroo had turned back around.

"What are your intentions with my Oikawa?"

"Your—" Iwaizumi hesitated, brow knitting. "Wait, what the fuck?"

"You know," Kuroo shrugged, crossed his arms and leaned a shoulder to Oikawa's doorframe. "You. Oikawa. What are your intentions?"

Iwaizumi fidgeted uncomfortably, entertained the idea of running into his apartment and barricade himself for the next several years until Kuroo had lost interest. But based on the way he was staring at him with his cat-like laser eyes, Iwaizumi braced himself for the uncomfortable conversation to ensue.

"…I mean," Iwaizumi cleared his throat, "I like him, so… my intentions are…"

He shrugged nervously.

"…To make him happy?"

Kuroo's eyes narrowed and for a moment, Iwaizumi was afraid he'd rip off Oikawa's doorknob and throw it at him for an answer that he was pretty sure wasn't  _wrong_. But then Kuroo nodded and grinned. "Good. That's what I like to hear!"

Giving a nervous laugh, Iwaizumi took a small step back, suddenly very afraid of Kuroo Tetsurou. He looked away and opened the door a bit more, ready to escape from this particular social encounter. "…Right. Well, I'm just… going to go in and—"

"Hey, hey. One more thing, all right?"

Iwaizumi sighed, wondered why Oikawa's friends were as annoying and strange as him.

"Just… " Kuroo hesitated, shrugging. "When Oikawa's with you, he smiles in a way that I haven't seen since Chiyoko."

Feeling his breath catch in his throat, Iwaizumi looked up and Kuroo shrugged, still smiling. "I mean, really. I think you truly do make him happy and he needs someone like that. And after seeing how he was when she died, it's amazing that he can look that happy."

Clearing his throat and feeling his cheeks prickling, Iwaizumi rubbed the back of his neck, feeling sheepish. "Well, it's just… I mean, I'm just being nice—"

"And you're humble, which is going to be great because maybe Oikawa can take notes," Kuroo added, laughing shortly. "Anyway, that's good to hear. I mean, you probably know, but he likes you. He really does and that's going to be hard for him to say. So, you know," Kuroo shrugged again. "…Thanks. For making him happy."

Holding Kuroo's gaze for another moment, Iwaizumi cleared his throat and nodded, looking away and opening his door. "…Yeah. Of course. He's… he's stupid, but he's a good person."

Kuroo laughed, mumbling that that was definitely the case, and Iwaizumi couldn't help but smile slightly. "I'm glad we talked. He's one of my closest friends and I care about him, so I wanted to make sure you're as good a guy as he implies," Kuroo said, taking a step back. "Anyway, I gotta get back. Time for my mid-afternoon nap. See you around, Iwaizumi."

Kuroo grinned one more time before turning and soon disappearing around the corner, leaving Iwaizumi's heart pounding, mind racing, and brow knit at the feeling that Kuroo had somehow managed to coordinate this entirely coincidental meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise!! update!!! was beta-ing a fic for my beta when the sudden urge to write my own fic resurfaced (i'm actually surprised the last update was this summer... i truly thought it was much longer ago.)
> 
> thank you for reading! kudos/comments appreciated ♡


	7. cortado

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oikawa trailed off and this time iwaizumi looked up.
> 
> "…i'm in love with you."

Oikawa went back to daily life, which included waking up at a responsible hour, grocery shopping for his precious daughter, and nearly somersaulting into his apartment to avoid seeing his neighbor.

Oikawa's legs were still shaking as he slowly slid down to the ground, back pressed to the door. A few oranges rolled out of his grocery bag and his keys clattered to the ground; this was one of the few times Oikawa didn't care that his coat was crumpled from his position. He focused all his attention on listening to Iwaizumi's door open and close, footsteps fading and the elevator bell chiming happily.

He'd just come up the stairs when he heard Iwaizumi's lock turn, followed by a bark and his muffled voice. Oikawa used the distraction to dash to his door and hurriedly unlock it, nearly losing his footing when he tripped over his shoes. The door had slammed shut behind him and once Oikawa was no longer in danger of tipping forward, he stumbled back until his body met the solid wood of the door.

As Kuroo had said, Oikawa was never one to shy away from social interactions, except in the events where it mattered the most. Oikawa had answered that it made sense, why would he purposely allow himself to be caught in a conversation that would be emotionally draining and terrifying?

Kuroo answered, to be an adult.

Bringing his trembling hands to his face, Oikawa took a shaky breath. Oikawa prided himself on being pretty good at keeping it together. He had his moments, but for the most part, he was very good at casually sweeping things under a rug and keep smiling and proceed with his life as if everything was under control. Kuroo said it was compartmentalization and avoidance issues. Oikawa decided it was rearrangement and prioritizing issues he'd like to deal with first.

Except just the sound of Iwaizumi opening his door sent his heart into an arrhythmia; the idea of Iwaizumi smiling left his stomach twisting and turning; the very existence of Iwaizumi had Oikawa forgetting how to breathe. It was getting harder to remind himself that he'd survived everything so far because knowing that Iwaizumi was  _right there_  made Oikawa forget how to be human.

After sitting there for so long that he was sure Iwaizumi was at least two blocks away by now, Oikawa managed to bring himself to his feet, picking up the stray oranges and listlessly tossing them into the fruit bowl. He set the rest of his groceries on his counter; Chiyo was coming home soon and Oikawa had gone out early to restock on all her favorite snacks that he'd eaten due to a combination of missing her and Iwaizumi Related Stress. He'd thought that waking up at the crack of dawn would ensure he wouldn't see him, but, unfortunately for Oikawa, he had feelings for the earliest riser in Tokyo.

Only a few days had passed since Kuroo had visited. But life without Chiyo and life while avoiding Iwaizumi was proving to drag on forever; Chiyo would come back, but Oikawa didn't know how long (if ever) he'd be able to move on from Iwaizumi.

He could move out; he'd thought about that. He could move out and get his coffee from a different place, definitively cut Iwaizumi out of his life. Theoretically, it was very possible; it was one of the pros of living in a city with a population in the millions. As serendipitous as it was that they met, it was far easier to orchestrate his disappearance.

But, Oikawa would always realize, he didn't want to. He couldn't stand the notion of never seeing Iwaizumi again. Not seeing Iwaizumi left Oikawa feeling numb because even now, the fact that Iwaizumi was  _there_  was comforting. But to cut him out of his life definitively left Oikawa feeling so rattled that he didn't know how to resume what he'd been doing until he brushed the idea off.

One of the most terrifying things in life, he'd always thought, was coming to the realization that he couldn't live without someone. He definitely could, in a literal sense. Assuming Oikawa's organs were all living and he was financially independent, he didn't  _need_  anyone to survive.

But figuratively and emotionally, he was beginning to think that he was leaning on Iwaizumi more than he'd ever allowed himself to lean on anyone. He'd tried his best to suppress it; he had to be there for Chiyo, he didn't have time to need support from anyone else.

_"Everyone needs someone to be there for them. Especially morons like you."_

Iwaizumi's words kept repeating in his mind. At the time he hadn't let it sunk in, but over the past several months, he had to admit that subconsciously, he had started to consider Iwaizumi  _that person_ , despite refusing to admit it. Refusing it meant acknowledging it; it had taken Oikawa so long to admit to  _himself_  that he had feelings for Iwaizumi.

Eyes catching sight of the (horrendous) box of instant coffee he'd bought, the instant craving for a proper latte led to an image of Iwaizumi appearing in his mind. Shaking his head, Oikawa headed to the closet as he shrugged off his coat. Shaking it out to rid it of any residual wrinkles, Oikawa carefully slipped it on a wooden hanger, placing it next to the growing collection of tiny coats for Chiyo. Heading back into the kitchen and pouring himself a glass of water, he pulled out his phone to dial Ayumi's number as he made his way to the couch. Once the call connected, he tapped the speakerphone button and left the device on the coffee table, closing his eyes and leaning his head against the back of the couch after taking a sip of water.

"PAPA!"

Oikawa smiled without opening his eyes. "Hi baby," he laughed, "how'd you know I was hoping you'd steal Ayumi-neechan's phone and pick up?"

He heard a cheerful giggle. "Chiyo misses Papa!"

"Papa misses you too," he crooned. Oikawa opened his eyes and sat up to leave his water on the table in favor of picking up the phone, holding the speaker by his mouth as he shifted to lie down on the couch. "How are you? Where's Ayumi-neechan?"

"Ayumi-neechan nap nap!"

"Should Chiyo-chan be napping too?" Oikawa asked calmly. When he heard a gasp and no answer, he turned his head to the side, clearing his throat and pressing the back of his hand to his smile until the threatening laugh subsided. "It's okay," he murmured and heard a sigh of relief, "I won't tell. But you have to promise to go back to napping when we hang up, okay?"

"Okay!"

Laughing quietly, Oikawa rested an arm over his closed eyes. "Papa went out to buy all of Chiyo-chan's favorite snacks today," he said, grinning when he heard a happy cheer. "Are you excited to come home?"

"Chiyo's excited!" she gushed. "Chiyo see Taro?"

Oikawa smile froze, hoped Chiyo wasn't cognizant enough to pick up on his hesitation. "Ah—Iwa-chan might be busy, so we might not be able to see Taro-kun."

"But Iwa-chan promised!" she whined immediately.

Oikawa frowned, hesitating again for a different reason. "Iwa-chan promised you Taro-kun?" he asked slowly, wondered what kind of adorable devil spell Chiyo had conjured to get Iwaizumi to give up his dog.

"Iwa-chan promised visit Papa!"

Oikawa's breath hitched, like a weight fell square onto his chest. He pushed himself up into a sitting position, but the weight didn't alleviate at all. The arm over his eyes was now pressed to the back of the couch, thumb dancing across the other four fingertips. Clearing his throat, Oikawa tried to keep his tone lighthearted. "Ah? What, did you talk to Iwa-chan when I wasn't there?" he teased, realizing a moment too late his fingertips were no longer skimming over his thumb and that his nails were going to draw blood soon. He relaxed immediately. "What kind of trouble are you stirring up, Chiyo-chan?"

Chiyo paused, and Oikawa, both as an adult and a father, was very cognizant of that. "Chiyo-chan," he repeated again in a gentle but warning tone. "What have you been up to?"

She mumbled something and Oikawa's frown deepened.

"Can you repeat that a little louder, baby? I won't get mad, I promise."

"…Chiyo thinks Papa's sad."

Children, Oikawa was learning, were more perceptive than he thought. It had been something he'd heard over and over again, read constantly in parenting books. Children picked up on more than adults gave them credit for and whenever Chiyo would do something like copy what he said, he'd gush and praise her for days on end.

That being said, he had no idea she'd noticed the changes in his behavior. He'd tried his best to be as cheerful as he always was with her and was sure to apologize if he did snap. But, he wondered, did she sneak out of bed when he thought she was asleep, catch him smoking on the balcony or staring into space for hours?

The current situation with Iwaizumi was far too complicated for her to understand; he was sure of that. But being sad was such a basic emotion that even a two-year-old could undoubtedly pick up and it crushed Oikawa to think she was sad because she saw him being sad. Kids often emulated their parents, after all, and he'd always wanted her to be happy.

Oikawa figured he was quiet for a moment too long, because he heard Chiyo's soft, questioning 'Papa?' Licking his dry lips, he shook his head and coughed. "What—that's ridiculous," he laughed. "I've got Chiyo-chan; I'm the happiest—"

"Papa's sad," she whined and hearing the little tremble in her voice made Oikawa's fingers twitch, ready to bolt on the door and be on the next train to his parents'. "Papa tries to hide it, but… but Papa's sad. Papa smiles less… Papa laughs less… when Chiyo sleeps, Chiyo sees Papa being sad."

"...So you're not really sleeping, huh?"

"Sad Papa, sad Chiyo," she mumbled and Oikawa heard a sniffle. "Sad Papa, sad Chiyo... sad Mama. Right?"

Lowering the phone and angling the speaker away as he tried to steady his breathing, Oikawa closed his eyes and pressed the back of his hand to his mouth. The first knife to his chest was her saying she knew he was sad, the second knife was her bringing up Chiyoko.

"You think I'm making Mama sad?" he asked finally in a low voice, swallowing thickly.

"Chiyo thinks Mama loves Papa," Chiyo chirped confidently. "Chiyo loves Papa… sad Papa, sad Chiyo. So sad Papa… also sad Mama. Chiyo wants happy Papa, happy Mama. Happy makes Chiyo happy."

Hitting mute, Oikawa bowed his head, allowing himself one choked sob, knuckles turning white from gripping the phone so harshly. Hot tears traced the curve of his cheek before he managed to wipe them away roughly and unmute the phone, inhaling deeply.

Oikawa had always wanted to give Chiyo his all. Almost every single thing he did was for her benefit; but, he thought, it didn't matter if he spent every cent, every free minute, every waking moment dedicated to her, if she was still sad because he was heartbroken.

Maybe, he thought, allowing himself happiness didn't mean detracting from hers after all.

Clearing his throat and wiping at his cheeks again, Oikawa found himself smiling. "…So Iwa-chan broke his promise to you?"

"Yeah!" she yelled and Oikawa laughed again, wiping a few more tears.

"Should Papa go over to yell at him?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah!"

"And… that would make you and Mama happy? If I saw him?"

"Make Papa happy?"

Oikawa hesitated. Then with his next exhale, he smiled and nodded, felt warmth creeping up the back of his neck.

"…Yeah. It would make me really happy."

"Then yes," he heard. "Happy Papa, happy Chiyo, happy Mama. Happy happy."

"You're sure?" he asked in a quiet voice. "What if Papa… sees Iwa-chan for a long time? Chiyo-chan's gonna have to see him a lot too."

"Chiyo loves Papa," she answered resolutely. "If Papa happy, then Chiyo happy. Chiyo loves Taro. Iwa-chan icky."

Oikawa laughed again, wondered when he should clear up the 'icky' mishap. Opening his eyes and gazing at the wall he shared with Iwaizumi, he tilted his head. He took a moment to focus on his heart beating, felt it quicken at the idea of seeing Iwaizumi again. Oikawa gave a sigh but smiled gently and nodded.

"…Okay," he murmured. "…Chiyo-chan?"

"Papa?"

He smiled again.

"…Thank you."

* * *

"You can close up?"

"Yeah, no problem."

"Thanks. Have a good night, Iwaizumi-kun."

Nodding as his manager bade him farewell, Iwaizumi walked over to the end of the counter, picking up the mop and dunking it in the bucket. He wrung it out as much as he could and began mopping, pushing it forward and watching the floor become more reflective, stray water droplets clinging to the surface. Taking a step back, he accidentally put too much pressure on his leg and immediately felt the calf muscle twinge with pain. Swearing, Iwaizumi immediately shifted his weight to the other leg to alleviate the pressure, grasped the counter as he waited for the pain to subside.

His morning jog with Taro had been longer than normal, which meant he didn't have time to properly cool down or stretch afterwards before work. He hadn't realized they were out for that long until he glanced at a clock in a coffee shop they were passing by. When he saw what time it was, he broke into a full sprint home, showered as quickly as he could, threw on his uniform, and dashed out the door as Taro yawned and made himself comfortable on the couch.

Running had become so routine for Iwaizumi that he was able to get lost in his thoughts and just keep running, the additional fatigue on his body barely registering in his mind if his thoughts were consuming enough. And, because his thoughts were all about Oikawa, they were more than all consuming. That day, most of the run had been spent wondering how to tactfully keep pursuing Oikawa, wonder if Oikawa really  _did_  just need him to be more persistent or if Iwaizumi's attraction towards him was causing him to make an unbiased decision. He remembered what Hanamaki had said, but, Iwaizumi would then think, Hanamaki's advice was based on talking to Oikawa a few times. Iwaizumi was the one who knew him better, but, given Oikawa's annoyingly enigmatic thoughts, that wasn't much either.

Iwaizumi tested his leg by shifting some weight back onto it. When there was no shooting pain, he relaxed and continued mopping, making sure to take his steps back slowly and carefully. When he finished mopping the area behind the counter, he took a moment to scan the rest of the café and decided to leave it for when the last two remaining customers left. The clock had ticked past their closing time, but they normally didn't have a steadfast rule about kicking out customers. Iwaizumi in particular tried to be lenient; he could remember being in college and cramming or just needing to be out of the apartment; as long as he didn't have any urgent matters, he didn't mind waiting around for everyone to clear out.

Leaving the mop balanced against the counter, Iwaizumi crouched down next to the cash register to reach for a towel to start wiping down the counters. As usual, Oikawa hadn't come in for his coffee and, as usual, Iwaizumi couldn't help but let himself hope for the opposite. It wasn't even about Iwaizumi getting to talk to him; he just wanted to see him to confirm that he was alive and functioning. Every time the door had opened that day, Iwaizumi would look to see who had come in, which meant some pretty athletically challenging leaps if he was in the back.

He couldn't help himself; Oikawa was magnetic and something about him kept pulling Iwaizumi in. Even if he didn't want a romantic relationship, Iwaizumi wanted to be there for him, even as just a neighbor. He wanted to be there to support him and do whatever he could to make his life just a little easier and smoother. He was constantly worried about Oikawa, who prioritized Chiyo so much that he could easily entirely forsake taking care of himself and Iwaizumi wanted to be there to take care of him or yell at him to do so himself.

The way Oikawa had turned him down the second time kept resonating with Iwaizumi; his wording had made it seem that it wasn't fair to Iwaizumi to wait. He didn't mind, Iwaizumi wanted to tell him, he'd wait for him as long as he wanted because Iwaizumi truly, wholeheartedly believed that Oikawa was worth it. And even during the waiting, he wanted to be there for him.

The bell chimed. Iwaizumi sighed and straightened from wiping the counter, started turning around with the towel still in hand. He didn't have a problem letting existing customers stay past closing, but he drew the line at getting coffee for new customers, because then he could easily be stuck there all night. "Hey, sorry, we're actually—"

"Hi, Iwa-chan."

Of course, he thought, of course Oikawa would show up after business hours on a day when Iwaizumi had nearly broken his neck trying to catch sight of every single customer. And, of course, he'd show up just as Iwaizumi was thinking about him again; Oikawa must have some kind of sixth sense to show up at the most opportune and annoying moment.

The breath that Iwaizumi felt catch in his throat seemed to exhale through Oikawa with his short laugh. Iwaizumi watched him bring a hand up to run through his messy hair as he tilted his head. "You… ah, well, you don't normally work today, yeah?"

It took Iwaizumi a moment to gather himself. "N… no," Iwaizumi answered and cleared his throat, leaving the towel on the counter and heading towards the machines without thinking twice about it. "About half the staff called in sick today, so I volunteered to work an extra shift," he explained before realizing Oikawa hadn't asked for an explanation. He wanted to kick himself. He grabbed a large paper cup, setting it down before crouching to retrieve the soy milk.

He cleared his throat again and focused his gaze on pouring the milk into the silver container. "What, you keep tabs on my work schedule?"

When Oikawa didn't answer, Iwaizumi made the mistake of stealing a glance, catching sight of a smile that made his heart drop. Pulling a lever and steaming the milk, Iwaizumi looked away again. "Did you need something? It's pretty late for a coffee run."

"Well, first of all," Oikawa answered easily, "I didn't even order a coffee—"

Iwaizumi froze.

"…You son of a—"

"I'll take it, though."

Scowling, Iwaizumi grabbed a lid and sleeve, putting both on the cup before sliding it across the counter to Oikawa. He stopped it easily with a hand and traced his finger around the rim, as if making sure Iwaizumi had securely fastened it (there was one morning where he hadn't and while Oikawa's cat-like reflexes avoided any spilling onto him, he'd never really let Iwaizumi live it down.) Iwaizumi tore his gaze away from Oikawa's slender finger and found himself fixated on the glasses perched on the bridge of his nose; had he been working today? The glasses made him think yes, but the light jacket and sneakers made him think no, and as he was trying to remember all of Oikawa's past outfits, Iwaizumi realized he really hated himself for not caring about his own clothes as long as they didn't smell bad but apparently had a mental catalogue of Oikawa's.

The sound of sudden rapid typing interrupted his trance and Iwaizumi jolted. "Uh…"

Oikawa hummed

"…So did you need something?" Iwaizumi asked slowly.

He could see Oikawa hesitate. He picked up the coffee just to set it down again a few centimeters left to where it originally was and raise a hand to his face, rubbing the side of the bridge of his nose and fixing his glasses afterwards. "Well…" he started with a small laugh, "I was hoping to do this at home but Iwa-chan kept not coming home, so I decided to come here. Which is fine," he said hurriedly, gesturing with his hand, "since most people are gone, and the only people left look pretty engrossed in their computers… what's with that, anyway? When did we become a society like this? I'm going to make sure Chiyo-chan doesn't grow up being too dependent on—"

"Oikawa."

Oikawa's breath hitched and he gave a sheepish smile. The hand he'd been gesturing with froze in mid-air and he clenched his fist, bringing it down slowly. Oikawa pressed his knuckles into the counter for a moment before he took the coffee, fidgeting with the sleeve. "Right," he said and licked his lips, letting go of the coffee to adjust his glasses. He took a deep breath. "I… um, well, I just wanted to… look, this isn't easy to say, especially for me, but…"

Iwaizumi was commending himself for keeping what he thought was a neutral expression when it felt like his organs were switching places. Part of him wanted to shake Oikawa and snap at him to spit it out already while the other part wanted to hug him, just because Iwaizumi hated when Oikawa looked stressed out and nervous.

Unfortunately for both of them, Oikawa tended to look like that a lot.

Taking a deep breath, Oikawa looked up.

"…I… I feel the same way."

Oikawa didn't specify which specific emotion Iwaizumi felt, because he felt a  _lot_  of emotions when it came to Oikawa. In fact, Iwaizumi was fairly sure he'd hit every emotion on the spectrum.

And yet, he knew exactly what Oikawa was talking about.

As he held his gaze, Iwaizumi found himself noticing the specks in Oikawa's eyes that caught the light; he swore he could see a smile in them, despite no other part of his expression implying that emotion. But what he thought was a smile quickly changed into something else; Iwaizumi lost his nerve first and looked away, tried to steady his shallow breathing.

"…O-oh."

If it were any other situation, he could easily imagine Oikawa tearing him a new one for such a lackluster response.

Oikawa cleared his throat and nodded. "…Yeah," he said quietly.

Given all the times that Iwaizumi found himself thinking about Oikawa, he could say that imagining this hadn't been any of them. Maybe it was because he was an adult and no longer a teenager, but he didn't waste his time creating daydreams (at least not in the romantic sense.) His thoughts about Oikawa had always been about his wellbeing and about him being happy; he'd never imagined Oikawa reciprocating and confessing and wondered if he could have been better prepared for this situation if he had.

He wasn't sure what he was feeling; while a part of him was elated to know that Oikawa did return his feelings, the entire situation caught him off guard and left him overwhelmed and certain only of the adrenaline pumping through his veins.

Scratching his cheek, Iwaizumi shifted, feeling awkward and trying to figure out what to say. He'd been just as awkward in the past with confessions, but usually there had been a letter or something else that Iwaizumi could be distracted with. Right now, all there was was a coffee, which was in Oikawa's possession, and a wet rag.

"A-and I… ahh, goddamnit," Oikawa grumbled in a tight voice, bowing to cover his hands with his face. Iwaizumi had flinched when Oikawa started talking again; surprised that he had more to say and also relieved that he could continue to stand there quietly.

"Damnit, damnit, damnit, Iwa-chan, look at what you do to me…" he mumbled into his hands, shaking his head. "I don't know how to deal with this anymore, I thought I was done with feeling like this after Chiyoko… but then you happened and I seriously wasn't expecting this, I just thought you were cute, I had no idea you'd turn out to have such a kind personality because of your grumpy face…"

Iwaizumi wasn't sure if that was a complimente or an insult.

Taking a deep breath, Oikawa looked up and kept his gaze averted. Brow knit and cheeks reddening, he folded one arm across his chest and brought the other hand to press the back of his knuckles against his lips. "…I don't know how to deal with this," he mumbled quietly and Iwaizumi found himself unconsciously leaning forward. "I mean, it's… it's always hard to realize you feel this way about someone and to tell them, but I… I  _really_  didn't expect to ever have to go through this again, especially with feelings that are this… strong. The way you make me feel, it's…"

Oikawa chewed on his lip for a moment before giving a shrug and dropping his hands, turning to look back at him, gaze steady and cheeks a pale pink. "…When Chiyoko died," he said slowly, "I… thought I was done with romance. I mean, with Chiyo-chan and work, dating was so low on my list of priorities because… because, well, there's Chiyo-chan. Plenty of people date while working a full-time job, but dating with a kid, it's so much harder, especially when they're so young. I was even okay with the prospect of never finding someone like that because… I have Chiyo. I have friends. I have family. I—"

He hesitated and shifted, running a hand through his hair again. "…I didn't let myself feel lonely because I just… I felt like a horrible person if I admitted to myself that I was lonely. And, I don't know if this is going to make sense, but… but it's that kind of loneliness that you feel because you're sad. I wasn't craving a romantic partner's company, I think, it was just that… I was so sad. I felt so alone, even though I had people to help me with Chiyo-chan and I knew that they cared about me… does this make sense? It doesn't, I know, never—"

"No," Iwaizumi found himself saying, catching both of them off guard. "No," he repeated in a quieter voice, nodding. "…It makes sense. You can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely. Just because you have people and a kid doesn't mean you can't feel that way."

When Iwaizumi looked up again, Oikawa was staring at him again, the smile in his eyes this time showing itself as well in a lopsided curve on his lips. Iwaizumi felt himself flush and looked away, mumbling 'moron' with absolutely no venom.

"…Even with Chiyoko, I think, there were times where I felt like that," Oikawa continued quietly. "I know it's unrealistic, but I believe in soulmates. I actually believe in all that lovey dovey stuff. I also believe that relationships take work and you can be happy with multiple people, but… the hopeless romantic in me thinks that for everyone, there is one person out there who's absolutely perfect for them. And when I'm with you…"

Oikawa took a deep breath and raised a hand to his chest.

"With you, it's always felt natural. Even when we first met, the silences never felt awkward, which was why I didn't feel a need to talk during them. We didn't have the same opinions on everything, but even as strangers, we managed to discuss them in a way that didn't turn into an argument. Whenever I see you, whenever I'm with you, there's just… this sense of security. It's not just knowing that you're there for me, but knowing that you truly believe in me… that means everything. That gives me confidence. Because being with someone isn't just about having someone to rely on, yeah? It's having someone who pushes you to be the best possible version of yourself and for me, you're that person. I also don't think soulmates necessarily have to be romantic, but in my case…"

Oikawa trailed off and this time Iwaizumi looked up.

"…I'm in love with you."

Iwaizumi didn't know what kind of an expression he was making and how long he was silent for, but Oikawa grinned and looked away, rubbing his nose. "Yeah," he mumbled. "I know. Didn't expect me to say it, huh? I didn't expect to either, just because saying something like that makes me feel so vulnerable and open, but I don't think you'd ever hurt me. When I turned you down, it was never about how I felt. If it was just based on feelings, I probably would've asked you out first," Oikawa laughed quietly, playing with the sleeve on his coffee again and knitting his brow. "…But it wasn't just about my feelings. Because I'm not just one person. Being with me means being with Chiyo-chan and it means being with all the issues I have to sort through and… I want to be with you, Iwa-chan, I really do. But some days…"

Iwaizumi jolted when the cup of coffee nearly spilled because of Oikawa almost ripping the sleeve. "There are days where I'm so pissed off," Oikawa muttered in a low voice. "I'm… so pissed off that some asshole killed her and got away with it. That they get to keep living their life and she doesn't get to. She left behind her family and her daughter… she was such a good person that she deserved to watch Chiyo-chan grow up. And now she's never going to and it just—"

Oikawa inhaled sharply and closed his eyes, dropping his hand.

"…It pisses me off and I don't want to put you through that. I can ask Tetsu-chan or Ayumi to take Chiyo-chan, but… but I can't ask you to stay away because, well, I don't think you would. You're that good of a person, and I don't want my emotional baggage to affect you, which I know it will. I want to make you happy and I don't know if I can."

Iwaizumi knew the kid with the slightly off-center headphones was listening in; he'd stopped typing long ago and the way he was staring at his computer made it evident he wasn't really focusing on what was on it. If Iwaizumi could move, he'd have turned to glare.

Finally reaching for the towel and wiping the counter slowly, Iwaizumi swallowed thickly and tried to calm his nerves. He heard the eavesdropper whisper 'damn' and was on the brink of chucking a sleeve at him. Heart racing furiously, he gave a deep breath and licked is lips one final time before clearing his throat.

"You're an idiot."

Oikawa blinked.

"What?"

"You're an idiot," Iwaizumi repeated calmly, hand stilling, "for thinking that emotional baggage is some kind of crutch or deal breaker. We've all got something that we'd rather not have to deal with. It's part of being human; we survive things but not always without some kind of a wound or scar. And with what you went through… you have every right to feel how you do. I can't possibly know how you feel and I don't know how to help you through it. But I want to be there for you as you deal with it. I want to support you however I can, even if it's just taking Chiyo or reminding you to eat. You are the absolute best person I know, Oikawa," he murmured, looking up at him. "You try your hardest and give it your all to the point of neglecting yourself. I want to take care of you. I…"

He paused and shrugged again, feeling a blush rising on the back of his neck. "…I want to wake up with you on Sunday mornings, tell you your breath reeks but kiss you anyway. I want to wake up extra early so I can have your coffee ready because I've got a feeling you're not much of a morning person. I want to come home to you and Chiyo, or have dinner ready when you two are back. I want to be the person who makes you happy, because you make me happy. It's not a deal breaker that you've got issues because of what happened to Chiyoko… in fact, it's absolutely amazing you're still on your feet and functioning after all that. But everyone needs a little help and support every now and then."

Iwaizumi heard a low whistle—clearly, the kid wasn't even trying to be discreet at this point—but could only focus on Oikawa. He looked down and saw how close their hands were; reaching a finger out, he tentatively brushed it against Oikawa's, could see him jolt from the corner of his eye but make no movement to pull away.

"I want to make you happy," he said quietly, "because you make me happy."

He could see Oikawa's eyes become glassy and felt Oikawa move his hand closer, but not yet reach out to take Iwaizumi's hand. "I don't want you to regret this," Oikawa mumbled, reaching his other hand up to wipe at his eyes. "It's a lot to take on, you know that, right? Not just me, but Chiyo-chan… she's adorable, but she's a handful and you're not going to get that same freedom in your mid-twenties that people rave about. It's going to be a lot of getting creative with vegetables, chasing, playing pretend—"

"Honestly, even if Chiyo wasn't in the picture, I'd probably do that with you too."

Oikawa managed a laugh and when Iwaizumi felt him take his hand, he relaxed into a smile, the rapid beating of his heart still quick but sending a warmth through his body. He squeezed Oikawa's hand and reached his other hand to wipe at a stray tear.

"It doesn't matter to me that I won't have that freedom," Iwaizumi murmured. "Freedom doesn't mean much if I'm not happy. I'd rather spend my weekends with you and Chiyo than going to bars and avoiding people throwing up on me. Okay?"

Oikawa sniffled but he smiled and nodded, closing his eyes when Iwaizumi leaned in to press their foreheads together, whispering 'okay' in a shaky voice. Iwaizumi smiled again and leaned in to kiss the corner of his mouth before pulling back slightly.

"Good," he mumbled. "Here's what's going to happen now. You're going to drink your coffee and help me clean the café so I can leave and if that eavesdropping brat leaves, I'll kiss you. If not, then we'll wait until we're back upstairs."

At that, he heard the scraping of a chair being hurriedly pushed back and Iwaizumi made it a point to glare as he hurriedly gathered all his things and rushed out of the café, the other person having left once they realized what was happening. Once the door closed, Iwaizumi leaned in, taking Oikawa's chin between his thumb and index finger and kissing him gently.

He lingered for a moment before opening his eyes, smirking at him.

"Now go wipe down the tables and I'll make you another coffee."

Oikawa laughed as he took a step back. "Don't even pretend you weren't going to make me another one anyway, Iwa-chan."

"Yeah, but I'll make sure not to burn the milk this time."

"…Wait, then what about the one that you gave me earlier?"

"Wipe down the tables, Oikawa."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise!! i wanted to update one last time in 2018!! thanks for sticking around and still reading this hahah i have been somewhat mia. last chapters are always hard to write because the most fun part of a fic is the build up to the confession scenes, but i have a good idea of what's happening in the next chapter, so hopefully chapter 8 will be here soon and this fic will wrap up nicely.
> 
> happy holidays!! thanks again for reading, kudos/comments make my day ❤
> 
> edit: rewrote the entire confession scene because even after updating, something didn't feel right :(


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